


Hello?

by chantiemaya



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Adultery, Angst, Atheist, F/F, Falling In Love, HEA, Lesbian AU, Lesbian Sex, Love, Mental Illness, Neighbors, Pining, Questioning Religion, Romance, Slow Burn, Trixie has big flowy curls, cis women, lesbian katya, married Trixie, mother Trixie, sexy neighbor, trixie cheats, trixya - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-17
Updated: 2018-06-21
Packaged: 2019-02-16 05:17:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 58,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13047270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chantiemaya/pseuds/chantiemaya
Summary: Katya is an almost middle aged, single, forever alone lesbian in a Boston suburb. Her new neighbor is Trixie, 32, married and mother of five. They meet by chance, and Katya is instantly infatuated with her beautiful neighbor. Does Katya have a chance to befriend the beautiful angel dressed in pink?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the song ‘Hello’, originally by Lionel Richie, brought back to the radio by a Voice of Holland contestant (search for Kimberly - Hello on YouTube or Spotify if you want to hear it).
> 
> At the moment of posting this first chapter, I have 11 chapters written. Not sure how long it will be.
> 
> Thx Paula for proof reading and being as excited about this as I am :)
> 
> ***Warnings! (SPOILER ALERT)***  
> This story features a character that suffers from mental issues, such as panic attacks and depression. There is also adultery, people questioning religion and the existence of a God. Also, smut.
> 
> *DISCLAIMER*  
> This is a work of fiction using characters created by others. I do not own these characters, nor did I get official consent from their owners. The only intent of this work is to entertain readers, not to get any type of financial gain. The acts in this story aren’t necessarily condoned by their creators or by me. Read with caution and read the tags.

It’s cold. November has barely started, but she’s trying to postpone the moment to turn on the heating as long as possible, because those bills are no joke. She’s wearing thick leggings, a long sleeve shirt, a flannel and a cardigan, and her fingers are achy and stiff. She can’t get comfortable on this couch, but the poor excuse for a dinner table is too small for her laptop, tea mug, ashtray and reference books.

Saturday morning, just before nine, Katya Zamolodchikova gets ready for a couple hours of work. Her office job is steady, but not paying her enough to keep up with her bills, so she tries to get some extra cash by offering her translation skills online. She inherited Russian from her parents, learned French in school and a year abroad, and is by no means certified, but sufficiently fluent. As it turns out, a lot of people don’t care if a translator is certified when they go online to look for affordable services.

Her cold fingers click over the keyboard fast, her eyes not leaving the screen. Type first, edit later, is what she’s learned from years of having to type reports, take minutes and work through piles of paperwork. The quiet calm of her Boston suburb is suddenly disturbed by a large truck rumbling in, stopping right in front of Katya’s house, blocking what little daylight she gets through the small windows of her ground floor apartment.

The neighborhood is a little upper class, mostly focused on families that want to be close to the city but need the space of the suburbs. Katya’s block is made up of four story apartment buildings, with family homes on the opposite side of the street. Her one-bedroom is the smallest place she’s ever lived in, but also the coziest, and the only thing she’s been able to afford.

She looks up, her face barely peeking over the high window sill, at the truck that’s rumbling and stinking and disturbing her. Three guys get out of the cab, pulling up their pants and zipping up jackets - a moving company.

Katya sinks down into the couch again, a frown on her face, and tries to find the paragraph of French where she left off. She’s helping a guy named Guillaume to translate his resume into English, and he needs it before noon. She ignores the sounds coming from the guys opening up their truck, of which they have now thankfully killed the engine, until she hears more cars arrive and children screaming. She gets up with a sigh, her back complaining and her legs stiff, and brings her tea mug into the kitchen for a refill. Back in the living room, she regards the new neighbors as they haul their kids out of an SUV and park a cute little sports car in their driveway.

Daddy helps the moving guys, or he wants to, but he seems a little lost, standing on Katya’s sidewalk. She wonders why exactly they had to park that monstrous truck on her side of the street and block her daylight. She feels caught when the Dad waves at her staring at him, and raises her hand shortly before getting back on the couch.

The truck stays for the rest of the day, and Katya plugs in headphones to drown out the noise, until she’s done with most of her work and decides it’s time to get some groceries. She exchanges the cardigan for a long, wool coat and checks herself in the mirror shortly. Her face is pale and free of makeup, her eyes are a pale blue and even her hair is pale, a stringy, medium bob mess with uneven bangs. She cuts it sometimes with the kitchen scissors.

The moving truck is still parked on her side of the street and isn’t empty yet. Why do people have so much stuff? Ever since reading Marie Kondo’s book on decluttering your life, Katya owns much less stuff. She sees three, no, four kids running around the house, and she guesses one does need more stuff when kids are involved. A blonde little girl hops over the sidewalk right in front of her, screaming at her brother on the other side of the street. Her hair is a mane of golden ringlets, framing a chubby face with large blue eyes. She looks like an angel in a pink down jacket. She runs past Katya and around the truck, ready to run to the other side again, when Katya hears a car accelerate somewhere behind her. She responds before she even realizes it, and grabs the hood of the little girl’s jacket. She screams and nearly falls back, but Katya catches her against her legs as a car passes the truck and speeds along.

“Hey kid, are you ok?” Katya asks, looking down at the girl leaning against her. Big eyes look up at her, face smeared with something that looks like peanut butter mixed with snot.

“Trinity, oh my God!” A woman yells from across the street, and Katya hears heels clicking on the asphalt. The girl starts crying and Katya crouches in front of her.

“It’s ok, you just have to look for cars before you cross, ok?”

The girl nods through her tears, wailing as the mother approaches.

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry, what happened?”

Katya is frozen in place for a moment. If she thought the child looked angelic with her bouncy curls and pink getup, there are no words for her mother. Katya is looking up at her, the sun momentarily peeking out from the gray clouds, backlighting the woman’s head, her blonde hair shining around her like a halo.

She looks stricken, but her face couldn’t have been more beautiful, with soft features and expertly used makeup to enhance them. Katya doesn’t know anything about makeup, but she imagines this is what 70’s Barbie would look like if she came alive. Sharp eyeliner, blue eyeshadow and bright pink lipstick.

“She wanted to cross the street, but the car… the truck…” Katya stammers. The woman kneels on the cold street and hugs the girl.

“You responded so fast, thank you so much,” the Mom says, her eyes closed and her arms wrapped tightly around her daughter. Katya smiles, nods, feels awkward, takes a couple of steps back, then turns around and walks. She doesn’t look back once until she turns the corner at the end of the street, and sees nothing. They are gone.

Katya is still out of sorts when she enters the small, local supermarket and picks out some items. She is absolutely sure she just met the most beautiful woman in the world - hair like Farrah Fawcett, makeup like Barbie and the face of an angel. She wore bleached skinny jeans with pumps and a down jacket in a similar harsh pink tone as that of her daughter. Katya despises pink, or anything girly and childish. She would never buy anything in any shade of pink, because she isn’t in kindergarten anymore. Though she can’t forget the soft pink on the woman’s lips, how plump and sweet and inviting that mouth looked, even with a look of horror on her face.

“Can I help you?” The store owner stands beside her by with some boxes of pasta in his arms, and Katya realises she has been staring at the soda cans in front of her for a while.

“Yes, no, I’m fine. Thanks.” She shakes her head, distracted, and picks up some cans before making her way to the register.

Katya is used to being alone. She has always lived alone, she never had many friends, and she actually enjoys being alone and being home. On the rare occasion that she goes out, to a concert or a movie, she needs some time afterwards to recover from being around so many people. It doesn’t bother her that she is a socially awkward introvert, she has learned to cope with it. At work, she is the hardworking employee she needs to be, sometimes bitchy when she needs to get things done, mostly nice to everyone and always ready to help out. At home, she closes the curtains and buries herself in books or more work to stave off the panic attacks and bouts of melancholy that are always looming. She’s found a balance over the years.

But now, in the middle of the grocery store, the nice Indian man ringing up her items, her heart clenches with loneliness in a short, stabbing pinch, making her gasp softly as she hands the man his cash.

She walks home, dragging her feet, staring ahead but not really seeing. It has been a long time since Katya was intimate with someone. There have been some girls in her life, and some kept coming back for a while, but Katya could never stand to see them for longer than a couple of months until she felt suffocated and isolated. She turned 41 in the spring, and promised herself she would try to date one last time. She gave herself until Christmas. The Christmas season has started, Halloween already dead and buried, and Katya has not been on any dates.

The truck is gone when she arrives at her building, the family nowhere in sight.

Sunday is pretty much the same every week. Katya tidies and cleans her tiny apartment, washes her clothes, and works some more. In the afternoon, she forces herself to go out for a walk. The air outside is crisp, but less cold than the day before. Katya looks at the big house across the street. Lights are on in several rooms to brighten up the gloomy day.

The image of the blonde beauty is still vivid in Katya’s mind, and she recalls it when she starts walking. She imagines her smile, because she hasn’t seen it, thinks how her pink lips would open and show her teeth. How her eyes will shine when- Katya halts in the middle of the sidewalk, almost at the end of her street. She looks back at the house in the distance. What color are her eyes? Katya doesn’t remember. Her memory fails her, maybe she didn’t really register it all in the commotion with the crying girl and all the gorgeousness in front of her face.

Katya walks slower and longer than she normally does, and feels the ache of exhaustion in her muscles when she comes home. She takes a warm shower and curls up on the couch with a blanket and some left over soup and a notepad. A pen and paper hold a sort of nostalgia that she doesn’t find in her laptop, and she likes to write down thoughts without a plan.

An angel

Katya’s script is loopy and she writes fast and sometimes unintelligible. But she just needs to get her thoughts out, things she would never say to anyone, maybe just whisper them into the darkness of her bedroom in the middle of the night.

An angel came by   
Light pouring from her   
An angel, looked at me  
I was in her light   
When she went by

Katya sighs. It’s shit, but it doesn’t matter, she keeps writing down sentences that are too long and still not descriptive enough.

*

Katya’s office looks like a tornado has just passed by. That’s not because this Thursday is particularly busy, it just always looks like that. She’s glad she has the little room all to herself, even though it’s also the archive and also a little bit of a storage room, and also houses a hulking, noisy multifunctional printer. She does all the administrative work for a small, but very successful construction company owned by two brothers. It’s annoying that she always has way more work than she can possibly do by herself, but at the same time she likes working alone, she likes that she almost only works with men and that nobody cares that she’s wearing jeans, sneakers and t-shirts with holes in them. In the summer she’ll turn up in cut off shorts and flip flops, and still no one will bat an eyelash, apart from some of the builders that might howl at her legs when she walks by. Everybody is dressed in work clothes, jeans, safety shoes, fluorescent jackets and helmets, and she knows all the guys just flirt to tease her - she’s been there a while, everybody knows she’s a huge lesbian, and she’s also older than most of them. When payday comes around and she has to give them their checks, they are all very polite.

Payday happens to be today and Katya had to race the clock all week to be ready on time, but she is. She’s waiting for the guys to come in after their shift is over. The brothers hire self employed workers when they need them, often the same guys, so they know how it works.

“McGregor, Sam,” says the tall blonde boy in front of her. He’s built like an underwear model, biceps tight in his shirt and his hair fashionably messy. “Thanks, ma’am,” he says with a cheeky smile after signing for his check. Katya winks at him.

“Next!” She yells out, and the next guy steps into her tiny office. This is one of the few older ones, probably close to her age or even over.

“Hey beautiful,” he coos at her, and her head whips up from the box of envelopes.

“Brian! Still full of shit I see.”

“Thank you ma’am, yes, good habits die hard!” He smirks at her as he takes the envelope and signs the receipt. “You been good?”

“Always, you know me. I’m never giving up.”

“Good on you, babe. See you soon.” Brian blows her a kiss, and Katya can’t help but blush a little. He’s sweet to her, she appreciates that, and there’s nothing more to it than that.

The days ends late, but Katya feels good about all the work she got done, and her ever present tiredness is validated now. The bus isn’t crowded because rush hour is about over, and her street is quiet when she walks home, lights lighting up the cosy homes. Her eyes are automatically pulled to the house across the street, and her heart stops when she sees a big blonde ponytail moving around the SUV in the driveway. Katya slows her walk, head turned down, peeking into the dusk from behind her hair.

The angel from across the street is wearing a pair of fucking pink leggings, and her ass is barely covered by a long t-shirt. Her ass is… her ass, it’s… Katya’s mouth is dry. She can’t form any words in her head, she’s stopped dead cold on the sidewalk, frozen again. One, two, three blonde girls hop out of the car, all wearing dance outfits, Mom carrying their bags and apparently one of her own. The car beeps when she locks it, and she follows the girls inside, and she’s gone.

Katya breathes out only when the front door of the house closes behind the woman.

She’s in bed early that evening, exhausted from the day, wearing leggings and a long sleeve shirt, huddled under the thick duvet. The bedroom is separated from the living room only by a set of double sliding doors with tiny stained glass windows. The curtains in the living room are drawn, but Katya imagines she can see the house across the street, and peek through their windows at the family living inside. The woman with the golden hair walks around in her pink leggings, maybe picking up toys after the children have been tucked in, maybe watches tv with her husband. Maybe they’re drinking wine, she cuddles up to him on the couch and they smile lovingly at each other.

Katya grumbles into the pillow.

Maybe the woman from across the street is secretly thinking about Katya, too, after that one time they met in the street. After all, Katya saved her daughter, maybe she remembers the woman with the pale skin, pale hair, pale eyes.

Katya sighs and turns to her other side. These thoughts are not constructive to the ideal dream world she’s trying to build in her mind. But she somehow can’t push her imagination past reality on this, while she usually has no problem with it. She can run the wildest scenarios through her head just for fun, to make herself fall asleep or to take her mind off of things, but her imagination fails her right now. She can’t see past the woman’s marriage or her own… insecurities. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katya learns a little more about her charming neighbor, but at some point, her pining becomes a little too much for her.
> 
> — Katya feels her mouth go dry and the hairs on her arms stand up, while her scalp gets warm and prickly, when the angel from across the street walks in her direction. She leans her hip against the table for support, and blatantly stares, her mouth gaping, trying to form a word, to say something, anything. —

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I was so excited to see the comments and kudos coming in after I posted the first chapter and I’m so happy you like it. This one is a little short, but I’m planning to post twice a week, so I should update again on the weekend. 
> 
> I wish you all happy holidays, whatever you’re celebrating xx

It takes three weeks before Katya meets the angel woman again. She thinks about her, a lot, sees her around her house, hears her laugh one time when she gets into her car with one of the kids, a tall boy. Katya can’t fathom that a woman looking as fit and young as this one can have five children. Five! There are three girls, the tall boy, and a small toddler that can barely walk. Then there’s the Dad, who has the brightest blue eyes Katya has ever seen, and brown hair. She’s seen him at the grocery store one night, when it was already quite late but she had forgotten to buy cigarettes. The Daddy from across the street came in when she left, and greeted her, regarding her with his intense eyes.

Katya had smiled and said hello, and had felt very uncomfortable, uneasy around him, maybe because she had been consciously trying to imagine what it would be like to kiss his wife, for the past weeks.

On a cold and rainy Saturday morning before the last week of November, Katya takes the bus to the city to visit the library, as she does about once a month. Her bag is heavy with books she needs to return, and she looks forward to perusing the shelves for a couple of hours and bring home a whole stack of fresh books. She rides the bus with her big headphones on, but turns off the music when she enters the library. She enjoys the polite silence that most people respect, just as much as the smell of books.

Katya’s pile of returned books is a mix of Scandinavian thrillers, self help books and one Russian version of Nabokov that she tried… tried to read, but really, couldn’t, and it wasn’t a language barrier. She tries to get at least one French and one Russian book each time, to keep up her skills. She likes to read books in their original language, but she hasn’t had the chance to learn Swedish or Norwegian, so for detectives and thrillers by Mankell, Nesbø and Sjöwall & Wähloo she has to settle for translations.

After a couple of hours, when Katya’s had coffee, read some magazines, and has seen about every shelf in the whole fiction section and beyond, she’s just holding one book, The Crafty Poet, and comes to think she might just not find anything else, when she passes the table of newly published books. She soon stacks a few books under her arm, when the peace around her is suddenly disturbed by loud screaming and laughter. People around Katya also whip their heads around to where a small group of kids exits the elevator.

“Mama, can we have hot chocolate? Please!” A young teen pleads, making puppy dog eyes. Her blonde hair cascades in ringlets down to her shoulders, blue eyes shining like the sky on a sunny day. Katya tucks a book from her hand under her arm in slow motion as she looks at an older version of the girl she pulled away from a speeding car on her street three weeks ago.

“Sure, honey, are you all done? Take your books to the counter to register them.”

The two youngest girls are being too loud and the Mom scolds them, sending them off to the counter. They run past Katya - up to a certain age, kids have only one pace: top speed - with their books in their arms and a library card in their hands. The Mom hands the older girl and the boy their cards as well, and they follow their siblings a little slower.

Katya feels her mouth go dry and the hairs on her arms stand up, while her scalp gets warm and prickly, when the angel from across the street walks in her direction. She leans her hip against the table for support, and blatantly stares, her mouth gaping, trying to form a word, to say something, anything.

“H-Hi…” it comes out as as a sigh, just as she passes Katya, her phone at her ear.

“Hi, it’s me. Yes.” She looks up shortly, meets Katya’s eyes for a split second, before she has to step aside for a woman with a walker passing between them. She does so with an elegant sway of her hips, and then… she’s gone. Katya turns around, follows the woman with her eyes as she joins her kids at the line for the counter.

Brown. Her eyes are brown. She smells flowery sweet and fresh, like spring, but in November. Her faux leather skirt is baby pink, her pumps and mohair sweater are cream, amidst a sea of black, navy and brown clothed people around her. He hair is up in an elegant roll and… and… Katya drops her books, five or six sliding down her leg and onto her feet and all over the floor. She doesn’t want to pick them up, because she can still see her, but then quickly crouches and stacks them in her arms, scrambling to get to the counter.

The kids have dispersed themselves over the two available registers, and Katya joins the longest line, right behind an angel in pink and cream. She’s looking at her phone, a small book in her hand, a large canvas bag dangling from her wrist. The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing - Katya doesn’t have to read the title to recognize the book, and her mouth opens again. There is no saliva in her mouth, her throat closes up and her eyes water from not blinking.

Katya wants to speak, wants to move, wills her feet to take a step forward when the line moves, but she’s frozen in her spot. It’s becoming a pattern, and her brain is furiously trying to process everything that happens, from the weight of the stack of books she’s holding, to the speed with which the librarians register the books and the skin colored pantyhose under the woman’s skirt.

“Yeah, hi, it’s Trixie… Yeah, the kids want some hot chocolate and then Joe will pick us up.”

Trixie.

Her voice sounds like honey in Katya’s ears, soft and private when she talks on her phone again, her lips once again a soft, glossy pink, her teeth visible when she smiles at something the other person says.

“Don’t bother, babe, as long as you feed them fries or chocolate, it will be fine,” she giggles into the phone and Katya’s knees get week. She’s sweating all over her body now, her heartbeat loud and clear in her head and her temples.

Trixie.

It’s her turn sooner than Katya wants, and she registers the book, smiles at the librarian like an angel, while the kids come over and dump their books in her bag, and then she drops her big, patent leather, hot pink wallet. Katya’s knees buckle again, when the woman - Trixie - turns around to pick it up, and she’s already in a crouch to reach for where it fell by her feet. Their eyes meet when Katya straightens, and forces her uncontrollably twitching, dry and silent mouth into a smile.

“Thanks,” Trixie says with a polite smile. Her eyes run over Katya’s face for a moment, and then the older daughter is by her side, whining about hot chocolate and pulling on her hand. Trixie smiles wider, and lets the girl pull her away, not looking back, heels clicking on the floor, pulling the girl lovingly into her side.

“Ma’am?” The librarian looks over her glasses at Katya, until she quickly shuffles over and drops her books on the counter with a thump. She looks back at the family entering the cafeteria, the kids clinging around their mother, all trying to hold onto her at once.

Trixie.

Katya’s heart clenches painfully, stutters through the beats, her hands cold and sweaty, but her mouth forms a smile. Her name is Trixie. Her eyes are brown. She smells like flowers in spring, and her favorite color is pink. She’s a good mother.

Katya walks slowly towards the sliding doors of the exit, staring into the cafe, where she can see the family on the other end, occupying a table by the window, laughing and talking to each other, and Trixie laughs out so loud at something one of the kids says, that Katya can hear it from where she stands.

She rides the bus, changing her playlist from rock favorites to love songs. Eurythmics sing about an angel, must be talking to an angel, well, almost. Lionel Richie sings, hello, is it me you’re looking for? I wonder where you are, I wonder what you do, are you somewhere feeling lonely or is someone loving you?

Trixie is obviously not lonely, and her kids love her very much, and Joe is a good husband that will come to pick them up once they have had their hot chocolates.

Tell me how to win your heart, for I haven't got a clue, but let me start by saying... I love you.

Katya swallows as she leans against the bus window, watching the city pass her by outside. Yes, she might love her. She might have her arms wide open, aching to hold Trixie, wanting to be close to her, to get to know her, smell more of that perfume, see all her pink outfits and accessories. I love you, Lionel Richie sings again. Katya’s eyes water unwillingly, and she blinks and chews the inside of her cheek. She’s falling in love, maybe, with a woman that doesn’t even know her name, and doesn’t know that Katya from the library is the same Katya who saved her kid and also lives across the street. The same Katya who is still single at forty one and no longer sure if it is by choice or out of pure fear of sharing her broken, failing self with another person.

Katya walks home from the bus stop, feeling elated and energetic, and at the same time like a heavy blanket of sadness is wrapped around her shoulders. She almost wants to skip home, that’s how happy she is about having seen Trixie, so close, sort of interacting with her, her brain filled with her looks and her smell and her smile and her pink and everything. And at the same time there’s the heaviness of knowing she can never have what she wants, she will never kiss those sticky pink lips, she will never know what Trixie’s voice sounds like when she’s turned on, and she will never see how pretty her face is right after a shower and without any makeup.

Over the rest of the weekend, Katya loses her precarious and carefully built balance. She spends all of Saturday evening and most of the night on the couch under a blanket, smoking cigarettes and drinking cheap wine, which causes a massive headache on Sunday. She orders pizza and continues the vegetative state all Sunday long, watching movies on her laptop and crying. By Monday morning, she’s even more exhausted than when the weekend began, and drags herself to work and hour late and feeling like a warmed up corpse.

In the afternoon, one of her bosses steps into her office and sends her home after taking one look at her, thinking she has the flu and forbidding her to come back until she feels better. Katya feels like a fraud, but she goes. She buys another bottle of wine on her walk from the bus stop to her apartment and eats the cold leftovers of the pizza in bed. Then she sleeps.

*

The wine stays in the refrigerator untouched as Katya forces herself to get back into her normal routines. She leaves the bottle there, as a reminder, and instead consoles herself with cigarettes, sad love songs, writing and a lot of work. A big translation assignment falls into her lap and she works tirelessly to finish it in time, living like a hermit even more than she already did. It feels good to make herself useful, and the extra cash is more than welcome. Living paycheck to paycheck has been her reality for a long time, but it’s nice to stock up on groceries and cook real meals once the money arrives.

Katya knows that if she sticks to her daily routines, eats well and sleeps the exact amount she needs, she will be able to keep her balance and not break down, not even over the angel that is Trixie and will always be out of her reach. She daydreams about running into Trixie and tries to go out more in hopes of it happening.

One morning in December, Katya wakes up with a start, her body sweaty and her mind reeling. Her room is pitch black and freezing, and she shakes under the duvet. Her brain is groggy and she doesn’t know why she woke up, it’s still almost two hours before her alarm will go off. She picks up an old sweater from the floor next to the bed and puts it on, because she doesn’t want to get up and find an extra blanket. She huddles under the duvet again and closes her eyes, and then it hits her - remnants of her dream float in her head while she’s on the brink of sleeping, and she sees a naked, blonde woman, above her, on top of her, kissing her, warm thighs against her own. She moans and grumbles into the pillow, and her cold hand travels down her body, slipping into the leggings, into her boxers. The hair there is damp, she is soaked, and Katya moves her hips back and forth, turning to her stomach, her hand trapped between her thighs. She had a sex dream, and it’s coming back full force, Trixie is above her, on her, her mouth is on Katya’s, her hands yank at Katya’s hair, and then suddenly Katya orgasms, muffling her moans into her pillow, pushing her shaking hips into her fingers.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our leading ladies meet again, and Katya learns more about her neighbor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

After the library, Katya rarely sees Trixie. Katya has a lot of work to do in December, working overtime at the construction company to close the books for the year, making sure all the workers get their bonuses and overtime paid and organizing the Christmas party. She’s beyond exhausted, but she knows it’s worth it, because soon she will have two weeks off work when the company closes for the holidays. She has plans for Christmas, to visit her brother at their family home outside Boston, and for New Years she just wants to stay home.

Katya isn’t close to her brother, they had a falling out shortly after their father died almost twenty years ago, and though they are civil, they are not social. His wife cares about family traditions more than he does, and she called Katya to invite her for dinner on Christmas Eve. Katya’s mother died when she was a child, and her Dad was a traditional Russian gangster, although she has successfully kept herself as unknowing as possible. She also knows that her brother’s import/export company isn’t really what it looks like, but she has long ago decided to close her eyes to every and any criminal activity in her family. It nearly killed her mother, or maybe it even did, and Katya prefers to stay far from it. The party is civil, the food is good, and she leaves with enough leftovers to last her a week, and ignores all the wounds of childhood trauma that are open and bare when she comes home.

Katya spends her time at home catching up on her routines, her books and some movies. She makes an effort to leave the house every day, in spite of the biting cold, even if it’s just to walk around the block. A few days into the new year, she comes home from a walk and a visit to a grocery store a little further away, carrying her purchases in a backpack, when she sees Trixie’s SUV arrive at the house. She slows her walk, her lips automatically forming a smile, her hands clenching and unclenching in her gloves. Katya is happy to note that she’s excited in a good way, not anxious or panicking, although the sadness is there, in the back of her mind.

The garage door opens and the car drives inside, blocking Katya’s view. She digs in her pocket for her keys, shaking her head at how giddy she is to know that Trixie is home. Her thighs are complaining when she walks up the steps, after having walked quite a distance with the heavy bag on her back, when she hears someone calling behind her.

“Excuse me! Ma’am?”

Katya’s scalp prickles, and she turns around, slowly just in case she is not the ma’am that is spoken to. But, sure enough, Trixie is jogging up the sidewalk and she’s speaking to her. She’s smiling, her cheeks pink from the cold.

“Uhm, hi?” Katya takes the heavy bag off of her shoulders and sets it in front of the door, then takes the few steps down until she’s at the same level as the angel, who is a little taller than her, even in snow boots.

“Hi,” Trixie says, her face showing a shy smile as she fumbles with a rolled up piece of paper in her hands. “This is, uhm, a little random, maybe, but… you are the person that saved my daughter from a car crash, right?” Trixie gestures to a little girl standing across the street in a pink ski suit, her face mostly hidden by a large scarf.

Katya is completely taken with Trixie, her long hair blowing into her face a little, her shy, awkward behavior, the way she hops from one foot to the other in the cold. Katya’s smile is wide and sincere, and a little shaky, she nods.

“Yes, that was me. Yeah.”

Trixie looks relieved.

“Oh, good, that’s so good, ok. So, my daughter said she recognized you a while ago and we talked about what happened, how she needs to be careful in the streets, and, well, she wanted to thank you, so she made you this.” Trixie talks at top speed and hands Katya the paper. Katya actually doesn’t want to take her eyes off of Trixie’s face, but she takes the paper and opens it. It’s a drawing of a little girl, a car, and a blonde woman dressed in all black.

“You see, she’s a little shy, she didn’t want to come with me, so, I said I would give it to you. She’s right there.”

Katya laughs out loud looking at the picture the girl drew. It’s pretty accurate, in spite of it being a little girl’s drawing. Katya waves and puts two thumbs up to the girl across the street.

“Thank you! It’s beautiful!” She shouts and the girl hops up and down and waves before running away towards the house.

Katya looks at the blonde angel on her side of the street again and realises it looks a lot like Trixie is more nervous than Katya. Talking to strangers is never easy, Katya is painfully aware, but Trixie isn’t one she would have expected to be awkward or shy.

“Thank you, that is so sweet, I will put it up on my fridge,” Katya says sincerely, taking off her gloves to carefully roll the paper back up. Trixie laughs.

“Thanks for saying that to her, she was a little nervous about it.”

“No problem,” Katya smiles. They stand there for a moment, and Trixie seems to be thinking.

“Have you, uhm, have you lived here long?

She’s making conversation. Katya is a little taken aback, but hurries to answer.

“Yeah, a couple of years. How are you liking the neighborhood?”

“Yeah, pretty good,” Trixie says, looking across the street. Her family is inside. Katya thinks she’s lying. “I’m used to a little more… I don’t know, activity, around the street, you know. But with five kids, you can’t live in the city, it was crazy, so we came here.”

Trixie’s smile doesn’t reach her eyes. Their street is dead boring and none of the neighbors engage in any social activities with each other. Katya’s heart stops dead in her chest when she forms her next sentence.

“Uhh, well, if you wanna, like, come over sometime, for coffee, or whatever…”

Trixie’s eyes widen and for a moment Katya feels dread creep into her bones, but then the radiant smile is back.

“Oh really? I would love that, I haven’t talked to any neighbors, yet!” Trixie takes her right glove off and holds out her hand. “Trixie Meyers.”

Katya puts her cold hand in Trixie’s warm one.

“Katya Zamolodchikova.”

Trixie opens her mouth, but no sound comes out, and she stares intently into Katya’s eyes while holding on to her hand.

“Zamo...lodchi...kova. Katya is fine,” Katya says with a giggle, holding Trixie’s hand now in both of her own.

“Kat-ya?” Trixie tries, and gets it right. Katya nods, and misses the soft warmth of Trixie’s hands when she lets go.

“Ok, Miss Kat-ya, give me your number so I can text you when I’m up for coffee,” Trixie says, pulling her phone from the pocket of her jacket. Katya swallows thickly and rattles off her number with a hoarse voice.

Trixie says goodbye joyfully and takes a little sprint to cross the street.

Katya wills her body to move, to act normal, to please not do anything weird while she is still out on the street, please, get inside, where it’s safe and… and when she enters her home, she walks straight to the bedroom, closing the sliding doors. She kicks off her boots, takes off her wool coat and scarf, and then shakes out her body, does a strange little dance in place, shakes her hips, stomps her feet, her mouth a big, silent smile.

She then straightens her sweater and pushes her messy hair away from her face. She looks at herself in the mirror, to see what Trixie has seen; her hair uneven and stringy, her face pale but flushed from the cold, and as always, bare of makeup. It makes Katya feel almost naked next to Trixie’s full made up face, even after driving home from whatever fancy ski place she had visited, her sharp black eyeliner and pink lipstick were firmly in place.

Katya looks at her phone and changes the settings so it will ding when a text message arrives. Katya hardly ever texts anyone, sometimes her bosses use it when they are out on a job and need something from her. She places the phone in the middle of the coffee table, and stands looking at it for a moment.

Just as she leaves the room to go to the kitchen and make herself some tea, the phone dings loudly in the quiet apartment and Katya’s heart stutters violently. She dashes back into the living room and picks up the phone.

T: Hi Katya, it’s Trixie! Would you be available Saturday morning?

Wow. Trixie wastes no time. Katya pants a little in anticipation. She decides she has to calm down a little before she can reply to the message, and goes to make that cup of tea she wants. She wonders absentmindedly how old Trixie is. She has five children, but doesn’t look like she could be over thirty… and her style of clothes is definitely often 80’s inspired, which is Katya’s favorite era, when she was a young teen and tried to follow every possible trend.

Katya thinks about her reply for a while. She knows she’s available on Saturday morning, she always is, she never has any plans and she’s long ago lost the ability to sleep late. She’ll probably have some work to do, but she doesn’t mind it one bit if she has to move that up to the afternoon or the evening. Or the middle of the night.

K: Hi! I’ll be home all day so come over whenever you want.

The reply is immediate.

T: Great, I’ll be there 9.30 ish

Katya sits on the couch and sips her tea, and stares at the messages for a while. She can hardly comprehend what is happening, and what she did - she invited the angel from across the street, Trixie with the blonde hair like Farrah Fawcett, the warm brown eyes and that ass, that Trixie, over to her place. And she’s coming.

The next two days, Katya is busier than all of her vacation days before that combined. She scrubs every surface of her house, cleans the refrigerator and all the kitchen cupboards, vacuums in every spot she can reach, tidies up her bedroom and then also reorganizes her closet, because why not. She airs out the house by opening all the windows at once and washes clothes that have been hanging over chairs too long to remember when she wore them.

On Saturday morning, Katya feels like she isn’t ready, even though there isn’t anything else she could possibly do around her house or about herself. She’s wearing one of her few dresses, a black - of course - A-line dress which is much more comfortable than she remembers, with thick black pantyhose. Her hair is washed and combed and then made messy again - she’s never understood this process, but that’s apparently how people do it now. She’s even wearing mascara, the only piece of makeup she could find in her house.

Trixie’s car speeds down the street at 9.35 and turns into her driveway. She crosses the street in a hurry, and Katya opens the door before Trixie can ring the bell.

“Oh! Hi! I’m a little late, I’m sorry,” Trixie says, slightly winded. “I had to take the girls to dance class and my son to baseball practise, and then traffic was a little bad on the way back,” Trixie babbles while following Katya into the living room, where she drops herself on Katya’s favorite spot on the small couch. “Well, anyway, I’m rambling, I’m sorry. Hi.”

Trixie’s smile is huge and blinding, and Katya feels her cheeks hurting with how big her own smile is, from where she stands beside the small coffee table, looking down at Trixie. She looks good, sporty, with faded and ripped jeans, hot pink sneakers and a soft pink hoodie. Her hair is messily piled on top of her head, in a way that Katya isn’t sure if it’s intentional or she was just in a hurry.

“Coffee?” Katya asks.

“If you have tea, I would prefer that, actually?”

“Sure.”

  
Katya puts on the kettle and sets down two mugs, as she hears footsteps behind her.

“Your house is adorable, Katya,” Trixie says, looking around. It is kind of cute, in a way that small things are often cute, and she’s decorated it to her best ability, mostly with furniture from her family home and second hand stores. The kitchen is especially tiny, but Katya put up some shelves and hooks on the wall for her pans and other items. Trinity’s drawing hangs proudly off two magnets on the door of the refrigerator.

The square living room shelves on one side, almost from the floor to the ceiling, made out of old, weathered scaffolding wood that Katya got for free from her bosses, who also helped her install it. There are many books, some trinkets and plants. The whole windowsill is filled with spiky green plants, the couch right beside it, with a large blanket pulled over it to hide the worn fabric beneath it. The mismatched, old-fashioned pillows remind Katya of her grandma.

Across from the couch is a large armchair, and between that, the small coffee table. Katya hardly uses the chair, it’s more for decor than anything, but with Trixie on the couch, Katya sits cross-legged in the chair, after pulling it a little closer to the table.

“Sugar?”

“One, please. Thank you,” Trixie says with a polite smile. She is very polite, very sociable, but Katya feels there’s something behind it. She can’t make any guesses just yet.

“It’s very cozy, this place. Is that your bedroom?” Trixie points, Katya nods. “Lovely. I thought all these places took up a whole floor!”

“Only the top floor, that’s the penthouse, with a big terrace as well,” Katya answers. “But I like that it’s small. I never imagined I would feel comfortable in such a small space, but somehow, I do.”

“And the neighborhood?”

They sip tea as Katya thinks about that question for a moment. She almost knows for sure Trixie finds it horribly boring, which is true.

“It’s… very boring,” Katya says honestly, and shrugs, and before she can continue, Trixie screams out a laugh.

“But I like it though,” Katya hurries to add, also laughing now at how amused Trixie is, slapping her thigh and throwing her head back.

“Oh my God, I’m so happy you said that,” Trixie breathes. “I don’t mean any offense, but it’s so, so different from what I’m used to. I have to grow into it, I guess.”

“I get that, I had the same feeling when I came here. I used to live in a large family home way outside the city, with lots of space and, you know, everybody knows everybody. But now I kinda like that it’s boring, I like the peace and quiet. I guess I’m just getting old.”

“Well, it’s good for the kids, definitely. They all have their own room now, we have a big yard in the back where they can play. In the city, we lived in an apartment, it was so crowded.”

“How many kids do you have?” Katya knows the answer, but she wants Trixie to tell her about the children. She knows parents always love to talk about that, no matter what the question is, and she’s right, Trixie’s eyes light up.

“Five, that’s why we needed the big house,” Trixie says and lets out the cutest giggle, making Katya’s stomach tighten at the sound. She counts on her fingers as she lists off the kids.

“Joshua is fourteen, Candace is twelve, Naomi is nine, Trinity is six, and then there’s Austin, he’ll be eighteen months soon.”

“Wow, five kids…” Katya says out loud, immediately worried that it sounds weird, but Trixie smiles.

“Yeah, it’s a lot, but definitely also a blessing.”

“But… I don’t want to be rude, but how can you have five kids when you’re, what, twenty-five?” Katya deliberately lowers the age she actually thinks Trixie is, just to see that wonderful smile again.

“Aaaah, stop, you’re too kind! I’m actually thirty-two. But those kids aren’t all mine, only the little one is,” Trixie says, a hand on her chest.

She goes on to tell Katya how she met her husband, Joseph, shortly after his first wife died. He’s a bit older than her, but they hit it off and will soon be celebrating their fifth anniversary. Katya notices how all the names are biblical, and for the first time she sees Trixie wearing a small, silver cross on a chain around her neck.

“It was a little frowned upon, in our church, where we met, because Joe is eighteen years older than me, but it all worked out.”

There it is again, the smile that doesn’t reach her eyes.

“Do you have any kids? A husband?” Trixie looks around the room as if Katya would have hidden them somewhere, or maybe searching for photos, which there aren’t.

“Nope, just me…” Katya pauses, unsure if she should continue. She’s not often comfortable talking about herself, and telling a good Christian woman that she’s a lesbian, well… Trixie looks expectantly at her, completely open, not judging.

“I’ve just… had to take care of myself from a very young age. Providing for myself was already a bit of a challenge, and… I never met anyone that, well. It just never happened for me, and that’s ok. Do you want more tea?”

Katya escapes to the kitchen to compose herself. She hadn’t taken into account how exhausting it would be for her to interact with a perfect stranger, how big of a crush she may have on her. During the second cup of tea, Katya steers the conversation towards easier topics, such as work, and learns that Trixie owns a beauty salon at the edge of the city, while Joe is a successful architect working for a large firm. It’s obvious that they’re well off, although Trixie isn’t particularly bragging or seems very impressed with it. They are blessed, is what she keeps saying.

Trixie’s phone beeps suddenly, and she almost jumps up from the couch, where she’s comfortably put her feet up after taking off her sneakers.

“Shit!” She yelps, And takes the phone from her back pocket. “I didn’t realize the time at all, I have to go and pick up the kids,” she says as she stands.

“Ok. It was nice talking to you,” Katya says and also stands.

“It was great, thank you so much!” Trixie steps forward and pulls a flabbergasted Katya into a hug. The spring perfume is all around her now, Trixie’s warm body pressed against her. She feels soft, squishy, feminine, and Katya’s breathing halts.

“I’d love to do it again sometime,” Trixie says over her shoulder while Katya follows her to the door in a daze.

“Absolutely,” Katya croaks out.

Moments later, Katya lies flat on the couch, looking up at her smoke-stained ceiling. She’s absolutely worn out, tired, exhausted, and so, so happy. Her heart swells at the smell of Trixie’s perfume on her dress, her belly flutters and her hands tremble. She stays there for a while, staring up at the ceiling, smoking her first cigarette of the day.

They had talked for nearly three hours straight, without a moment of it being boring. Awkward for Katya, yes, because she just needs time to warm up to a person, but never boring. Trixie is animated when she talks, she’s very outgoing and outspoken, and when Katya didn’t know what to say, she didn’t have to worry because Trixie always found a way to keep the conversation going.

Katya falls asleep on the couch, and wakes two hours later. She works for a while, makes dinner, and often has moments that she just stares at her screen or into a pan without really seeing anything, just smiling to herself, remembering moments of their conversation. And the hug. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katya really wants to see Trixie again, but doesn’t know how to initiate it. Turns out she didn’t have to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who’s reading this and leaving kudos and comments. It’s very rewarding and motivating to see that you like it! Enjoy the new chapter.

Every time when Katya walks her street and sees Trixie, or any other member of the family, they wave at her, and she waves back. She wants to text Trixie, but doesn’t want to seem too eager or intrusive, and also doesn’t really know what to say. Please come over soon. Today. Right now. I miss you. I miss your smile, your screaming laugh and your hug.

Katya has to wait a while for a good reason to text Trixie, but it comes out of nowhere. She walks home from the bus stop one Friday evening, after a way too long work day, and sees a police car in Trixie’s driveway. Katya immediately worries that something is wrong with one of them, and grabs her phone even before she enters her house.

K: Are you ok? I see a police car at your house

Katya waits nervously for a reply while heating up some leftovers for dinner, and it comes about an hour later when the police car is long gone.

T: We’re ok! Someone tried to break into the salon!

Katya sighs in relief. Before she can text back, a second message comes in.

T: Do you want a glass of wine? I have a lovely Chablis that I can bring over.

Katya stares at her phone, her smile getting wider and wider. Then she looks around, at the messy room and the cigarette in her hand, and what she’s wearing.

K: I’d love to! Give me half an hour?

T: Ok see you in 30

When Trixie rings the doorbell, Katya is a little winded after having tidied the house, lighting some candles and changing her comfy clothes into black skinny jeans, a top with a v-neck that shows some cleavage, and a long, warm cardigan.

“Hi neighbor!” Trixie says with a sweet smile and holds up a bottle of white wine. Katya opens it in the kitchen and pours two glasses before putting it in the fridge.

“You smoke,” Trixie states when Katya enters the living room. Trixie is on the couch again, and Katya decides to sit next to her this time.

“I do, I’m sorry if it smells bad in here.”

“Can I bum one?”

Katya blinks a few times. “You’re a smoker?” She asks in wonder. Trixie giggles and it makes Katya smile from ear to ear.

“Officially, I’m not, I quit when I met Joe, but I really miss it a lot. Especially with alcohol.”

Katya takes her packet and lighter from the table and takes out two cigarettes, gives Trixie one and then holds up the flame for her. Trixie inhales and blows out smoke with a sigh.

“So what happened, did someone break into your salon?” Katya pulls her legs up on the couch while Trixie takes off a pair of white cowboy boots and does the same. She’s wearing the faded, ripped jeans again, showing off little bits of tanned skin, paired with a white blouse with the salon’s logo on it. She sighs and her breasts heave in the wrinkly fabric of the blouse.

“No, they didn’t get in, but they broke the lock on the back door and a window, and the police came over to look at footage from the security cameras with us. So it’s ok for now, I just have to make sure everything gets fixed. We need to get a new door, something that is more difficult to break.”

“And you need it fast?”

“Well, yes, because we can’t use that entrance now. I hope I can find someone tomorrow who would do it.”

Katya picks up her phone from where it was on the table.

“Let me call my boss, they do this kind of thing, too.”

“Oh would you? Would he come out on a Saturday?”

Katya knows those guys work all the time, whenever they can, or they’ll know someone who will. She calls the youngest brother and explains the situation, then hands the phone to Trixie. He quickly determines what she needs and gives her an estimate for a custom made safety door.

While Trixie talks to her boss, Katya fills up their glasses again. She feels quite good around Trixie now, her heartbeat is steady, her mind is alert, and her body somehow feels very awake and tuned in. She looks at Trixie as she talks on the phone and gives the man her number and the address of her salon. Her cheeks are a little flushed, her hair is messy, and she’s a bit jittery.

“Thanks,” Trixie says when she hands the phone back to Katya. “He’s coming over early tomorrow morning!”

“Oh that’s good. I know these guys, they always want to work and they’re always willing to help.”

“He was very nice, and to the point, I like that.” Trixie sighs and looks at her glass, swirling the wine around, then taking a big gulp, squeezing her eyes shut as she swallows it. It’s delicious wine, probably expensive, and Katya just wants to take little sips and enjoy it. It looks like Trixie is drinking it with a different purpose.

“Are you… ok?”

Trixie sighs again and rolls her head from side to side, trying to relax the muscles in her neck.

“Yeah.” She says after a moment. “I’m ok, I’m just…” She looks at Katya intently, soft brown eyes staring into Katya’s pale blue ones. Katya swallows and holds her gaze.

“Can I tell you something personal?” Trixie regards her from under her long, thickly coated eyelashes and bites her lip. Katya’s heart runs over and she reaches out to touch Trixie’s arm.

“You can tell me anything.”

“Ok, well.” Trixie changes her position, turning to face Katya on the couch, and huffs a little. “My marriage is shit.” She grimaces after saying it, as if it physically hurts to say it out loud.

“What? Why?” Katya is shocked, and a the same time, not so much. She knew something was going on behind Trixie’s fake smiles.

“It’s just… Joe is…” Trixie takes a deep breath and bites her lip, hard, staring down at her own hands. For a moment Katya worries she might cry, but she pulls herself together. When she speaks again, her voice is soft and a little thick.

“We never talk anymore, and when we talk it’s always about the kids, or work, or, like, announcements when we’re working and who drives the kids to school and sports, and when we’re seeing which family member.”

Trixie looks up at the ceiling and blinks a few times, then looks at Katya and smiles sadly. “We don’t have sex. Ever. I haven’t…” she laughs out loud without humor and counts on her fingers. “I haven’t had sex since before my son was born. At least… 2 years.”

The back of Katya’s skull is prickling and her neck feels warm, heat going up from her chest to her cheeks. She wants to be a good friend to Trixie, but with this information all she really wants it to give her pleasure until she screams and her eyes roll back in her head and her body thrashes on the bed and she holds on to Katya for dear life.

“Why do you think that is?” Katya asks. She can hear the darkness in her voice and quickly lights another cigarette with shaking hands. Trixie takes it from her, their fingers shortly touching.

“I’m sorry, I’ll buy some for you,” Trixie says with a slight giggle. “I don’t know why,” she continues. “Everything is always about the kids and about family for him. Family is his number one priority, and I get that, I care for them a lot, but… I also care for myself. How can I be a good parent, daughter in law, a good employer, if I’m unhappy?”

“You have to take care of yourself before you can care for others, I agree,” Katya says with a nod. “I have been alone for a long time now, but that’s because I prefer it. It’s easier for me to be alone, just care for myself and my own comfort.”

“But, don’t you ever feel like you’re missing something? That someone else takes care of you? Even intimacy.” Trixie looks at her curiously. “A strong, handsome man taking you to bed,” she adds with a wink and pushes at Katya’s knee.

Katya laughs in spite of herself, because Trixie is just too cute and naughty, but she feels that she has to speak up now. She takes a sip of wine and rolls it around in her mouth while staring into Trixie’s eyes.

“Well, no, but… I mean, yes, I miss the intimacy sometimes, but I’ve never really had a serious, long term relationship.” Before Trixie can respond to that, she hastily adds, “And also, I’m a lesbian.”

It hangs in the air, in between the clouds of smoke they puff out. Trixie blinks.

“You’re… you like women?”

Katya nods. “Not that it matters anything, I am single by choice, even though I do miss intimacy just as much as you do, but… I just felt I had to tell you that.” Katya holds her breath waiting for Trixie’s response. As old as she is, as sure in her sexuality as she feels, and as experienced as she is at coming out, Katya is still nervous and insecure. This is not a random person, she cares about Trixie a whole lot.

“Ok. Well, I believe that God makes everyone in His image, and he makes no mistakes. So it doesn’t matter to me, but thanks for telling me.” Trixie smiles sweetly.

“I am also an atheist,” Katya says, more to tease Trixie than anything else. Trixie stares at her for a moment, and then screams out a laugh.

“Oh that’s just perfect,” she says, and laughs hysterically, slapping her thigh with a flat hand. “You have no idea how perfect that is, honestly. You might be my favorite person right now.” She grabs Katya’s hand as she says this, and Katya laughs with her, holding her hand, but looks at her questioningly.

“I am a good Christian girl, right?” Trixie let Katya’s hand go to open the top button of her blouse and take out the silver cross. “This is what I am to my family, to Joe, to our congregation. But honestly… I do not feel that the church is a good place to be.” She whispers the words, leaning forward. Katya smells the wine on her breath.

“They are biased, and force things on us, and I don’t like it. I believe in God, but not that He would agree with the politics of religion as it is preached nowadays.”

She leans back after saying that, and Kaya stares at her in awe.

“I think you are my favorite person, too,” Katya says with a big grin. Trixie giggles. “No, honestly, I haven’t met any… religious people who dare to say that out loud. Even if they might think it.”

“Have you never believed in something spiritual? I’d rather call myself spiritual than religious, honestly.”

“I stopped believing in God when I was seven and lost my mother.” Katya blurts it out, scoffing a little, throwing back what’s left of her wine. Trixie’s eyes widen at the statement and she grabs Katya’s arm. Katya is not at all opposed to how much Trixie has been touching her tonight, but this time it’s not really in a good way. Trixie is shocked and emotion is evident on her face. Katya puts her hand over Trixie’s.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said it like that, it’s… it’s been a long time, and it had been a long time coming.”

“I’m sorry,” Trixie whispers.

“Really, it’s ok.”

A silence surrounds them for a moment. Katya feels Trixie’s eyes on her, but she can’t bring herself to meet her stare.

“Change of subject?” Trixie says. Katya nods and then looks up. Trixie’s smile is back, and her eyes twinkle. “How long has it been since you had sex?” Her smile is so wide after that, proud of herself, struggling to keep in her giggles. Katya throws her head back and laughs loudly, and just like that, the mood shifts.

“Wait, I think I need more wine for this,” Katya crawls off the couch and heads to the kitchen, feeling her body sway a little as she walks.

“Ok, so, sex.” Katya sits down on the couch and takes two cigarettes out of the almost empty pack. “With another person?” She looks at Trixie, who sputters some wine back into her glass.

“Oh my God,” Trixie breathes, laughing again. “Yes, with another person.” Trixie tries to look at Katya sternly, but her eyes are crinkled with amusement.

Katya shortly recalls the moment she woke up from a sensual dream about Trixie and got herself off in the dark in the middle of the night.

“About a year and a half, I think. I had a friend-with-benefits, or that’s what we were trying to do, but… well. It didn’t work out. Ended with drama and tears, and then I was done. I haven’t been on any dates since then, although I told myself I should try, but…” Katya rolls her eyes.

“So you’re single and it’s been less time since you got laid than good old married me.” Trixie huffs as she changes her position on the couch. “And you haven’t met anyone that you like? I mean, even if it wasn’t on a date.”

Katya swallows and stares at Trixie.

“I have…”

“But?”

“But…”

Panic rises in Katya’s chest a little and she wrings her hands together. Tell the truth, or lie?

“I… she didn’t like me back.”

“What a bitch,” Trixie mutters, and Katya laughs loudly.

“What?”

“You’re a great person, how can someone not like you? You’re my favorite person.” Trixie holds her head to the side and smiles sweetly at Katya. She is drunk, Katya knows that, but her heart still swells and jumps wildly in her chest. She watches Trixie’s throat as she swallows the rest of her wine, and then she gets up, her legs a little wobbly.

“Whoops.” Trixie giggles and steadies herself on the armrest of the couch as she steps into her boots. “I have to go, it’s late. Joe should be asleep by now.” Trixie seems to be satisfied with that fact.

Katya’s legs are only a little less wobbly than Trixie’s, and she follows her to the front door with her arms out in case she sways too much and falls.

“I can walk with you if you want?”

“Nah, I’ll be fine,” Trixie says and turns around at the door to the main hall of the building, wrapping both arms around Katya’s neck tightly, covering her face with long, blonde tresses that now smell less of spring flowers and more of smoke.

“I had a really good night, thanks,” Trixie says softly. Katya put her hands gently on Trixie’s back, her big down jacket preventing her from actually feeling Trixie’s body, but she bet it’s warm and soft.

“Hey, why don’t you come to the salon tomorrow, let me do your hair?” Trixie leans back from their hug and musses at Katya’s hair with both hands.

“Uhm, I can’t really afford-”

“No-no, my treat. I’d love to cut your hair.”

Trixie’s happy, drunk smile is irresistible and Katya feels herself nod while her brain tries to send alarm signals to her body.

“Ok, sure.”

“Cool!” Trixie bounces a little and claps her hands. “Just come in anytime after nine, I’ll be doing the books but I’m available.”

With that, the blonde angel leaves, and Katya stands speechless in the hallway.

She’s awake for a long time that night, her mind too full of everything to quiet down. Trixie’s smile, her taking off her shoes and pulling her feet up on Katya’s couch, her smoking - why the hell was that sexy to Katya? Smoking is so bad, nobody should smoke, and nobody should enable anyone to smoke - her forwardness, the lack of intimacy in her marriage, her acceptance of Katya. She said Katya was her favorite person, if she only knew how much Katya felt for her. How in love she was. Her heart skipped a beat even at the thought.

Saturday morning, Katya takes the bus to the city and looks at the address Trixie has texted her. She knows where it is, but she’s way too early, so she gets off the bus and takes a walk through a park and a lovely old part of the city. On her way to Trixie’s salon, she passes a Starbucks and buys two coffees and chocolate muffins.

The salon is not too busy when Katya arrives, but it’s barely a quarter past nine. The place looks clean and cozy, the walls a soft cream and the furniture and appliances all in pastel tones. The employees all wear white or pink blouses, and the girl at the counter tells Katya to go through the door at the end that says ‘Private’. It’s a dimly lit hallway with a couple of doors that have names like ‘Stock’ and ‘Cleaning’ on them. She hears Trixie’s voice suddenly, and it comes from the end of the hall.

“Honey, I told you it was at 10:30… well I’m sorry he never remembers it correctly.” Trixie sits at a large desk, a laptop standing between piles of paper and beauty supplies, as well as dirty dishes and some other electronic devices. While she’s talking on her landline, the screen of her cellphone on the desk lights up.

“I have to go now, your mother is calling me. Ok.” She hangs up and picks up the other phone, looking up and spotting Katya. She smiles widely and beckons her to come in.

“Hi, Patricia, how are you?” Trixie sounds polite but rolls her eyes at Katya and holds up her index finger to indicate that it will only take a moment. Katya takes a seat on the chair Trixie just emptied by throwing her jacket and a pile of clothes on the couch on the other end of the room. It’s a small office, without windows, and it’s a mess. There are boxes and things everywhere, and in the middle of the room, against a wall, is a door that’s obviously seen better days. Probably the door that Katya’s employer is replacing today, or maybe right now.

“I’m sorry, it’s been a crazy morning,” Trixie sighs after she finished her call. “Oh! Did you bring this?” She sits down and finds the Starbucks cup and a muffin right in front of her.

“Yeah, I passed by it, so… I didn’t know what you’d like, it’s a latte?”

“Vanilla?” She asks, hopeful. Katya nods.

“Oh you’re the best, thank you.” Trixie sighs and carefully sips the coffee. “This is my second cup, I’ve been here since seven.”

“That early? Because Elliott came?” Katya asks. Trixie nods.

“Yeah, he wanted to start before the employees came in and he finished it up super fast, bless him. Well, he’s coming back later with a custom door that he’s making now.”

“And that’s your old door?” Katya points to the thing against the wall.

“Yeah, he couldn’t put it back in because a big piece broke off on the side, so he boarded it up and now he’s making the new one at his workshop. Is that where you work?”

“Yeah, in the same building. There’s a large workshop downstairs and a sort of office space and canteen upstairs. My office is about half the size of this, and just as messy.” Katya grins at Trixie and takes another sip of coffee. Trixie laughs.

“I tried to tidy it up but then Elliott came, and someone called in sick so I had to get a replacement, and then Joe called three times, and my mother in law has called twice. They are doing the family Saturday together because I had to work.”

Trixie bites into her muffin and moans a little. Katya is happy and proud and excited all at the same time, but no longer anxious or nervous. She’s quite alright being in the same room as Trixie, and that makes her proud, too.

After the coffee, Trixie brings Katya into the salon and points to a hairdressing station all the way in the back. Trixie had texted her last night to not wash her hair before coming over, and Katya didn’t, but she felt a little uncomfortable now that Trixie was running her hands through her stringy, dirty hair.

“You have great hair, it’s nice and thick and healthy,” Trixie says while examining the top of Katya’s head. “I wanna color it, would you like that?”

Katya nods. “Sure, do whatever you want.”

“Really? Do I get free reign?” Trixie leans over Katya’s head and looks at her through the mirror. Katya can feel her full bosom against the back of her head.

“Sure. Go crazy.”

Trixie squeals excitedly and musses up Katya’s hair even more.

“Ok, so I thought of this really great color mix that I came up with a while ago, it’s a light blonde with a soft grey undertone. I see you have some grey hairs, and this combination will make it not so obvious when it grows out.”

Katya nods. She’s come to a point where she doesn’t care what Trixie does, as long as her fingertips are scraping over Katya’s scalp.

“Or I can just shave one side of your head and give you a lesbian ‘do,” Trixie mumbles.

Katya looks at her in disbelief, and then Trixie screams out a laugh that makes the employees on the other side of the salon turn to look what the fuss is about.

“I’m kidding!”

“I would be totally fine with that, though,” Katya says. “I had an undercut for years.”

“Really? No, I like this bob on you, it just needs to be a little sharper, and I’ll put some layers here.” She pulls at the front of Katya’s hair, looking at her through the mirror.

They talk about anything and everything while Trixie mixes the dye meticulously, and then slathers it onto Katya’s head.

“So you dye it while it’s dirty?”

“Yeah, I always prefer that. The hair is more receptive to the color when it hasn’t been washed, and if I’d wash it first, there would be this protective layer that can resist the dye. Your scalp could also be more sensitive to the dye after washing. People wash their hair way too much in general, so I try to only do it when it’s really needed.”

“I don’t like washing my hair, it makes my scalp itch,” says Katya.

“Oh, really? You might have dandruff then. I’ll give you shampoo samples to try out. Once a week is more than enough, especially when it’s dyed.”

While the dye sits in Katya’s hair, Trixie tidies up and gets them more coffee from the machine in the salon. They sit and chat until Trixie gets another call from her husband. She’s obviously annoyed, but doesn’t mention it, and her voice is as sweet as ever. Maybe a little too sweet. She looks sad when she ends the call.

“What are you thinking?” Katya asks after a moment of silence.

“Right now I’m wondering if God would be angry with me if I leave him,” she says, her voice soft. She looks up at Katya and there is barely any emotion in her eyes. Katya leans forward over the table and regards her seriously.

“Is that what you want?”

“I honestly don’t know. But I am… unhappy.”

The alarm on Trixie’s phone starts beeping and they get up to wash out the dye. Katya leans her head back into the little basin and sighs when the warm water hits her scalp. Trixie rinses out the dye and then washes the hair, washes it again, and massages in some conditioner, her fingers softly scratching Katya’s scalp and temples. Katya sinks deeper into her chair, almost feels like she could fall asleep like this. She lets out a little sigh when Trixie stops.

“That was lovely.” Katya’s voice is hoarse when she speaks.

“You’re welcome,” Trixie says softly. She dries the hair a little and then brings Katya back to the chair and begins cutting it. They fall silent for a bit, just exchanging glances in the mirror. It’s not an awkward silence, it’s just two friends being comfortable in the same space. Katya enjoys Trixie’s attention immensely, and she knows she’s in some state of arousal most of the time, but she’s also very relaxed and closes her eyes repeatedly.

“Don’t fall asleep on me, huh,” Trixie says close to Katya’s ear, with a little tap of her finger on Katya’s cheek, when she cuts the front layers. Katya opens her eyes sleepily and smiles.

“I’m sorry, I’m just so comfortable. Your hands hypnotize me.”

Trixie just smiles and continues her work, concentrating on the finishing touches. Then she rubs a little oil on her hands and takes them through Katya’s hair while blow drying it.

Katya gets up from the chair, dropping all the loose hairs to the floor, and gets closer to the mirror.

“Wow,” she whispers to herself.

“Do you like it?” Trixie is beside her, leaning in at the same height. Katya grins widely.

“Yes! It’s absolutely perfect, thank you.” She turns to Trixie and hugs her.

“Aaah, I’m happy you like it! You’re so welcome.”

Katya takes off the cape and shakes out her dress. She’s wearing a long, cotton black dress with embroidered birds on it. It somehow feels way too boring for her now, with her amazing new hair.

“I feel so new, I wanna go out, go dancing or something,” Katya says as she looks in the mirror again. Trixie laughs while sweeping up the hair around the chair.

“You should! I could do your makeup, too.”

Katya turns to Trixie and grabs her arm, excited. “Let’s go out tonight, you and me? I’ll show you a cool gay club with the best campy music, you will dance all night.”

Trixie’s face falls a little. “That sounds awesome, but I really can’t. I promised Joe I’d be home…”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trixie doing Katya’s hair has solidified their friendship, and Katya is no longer hesitant to text Trixie and invite her over. Their friendship takes a different turn and Katya’s universe shifts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Trixie voice] YOU GUYS! 
> 
> You blew me away with your comments, thank you so so much. It’s such a boost and I get all giddy when a notification comes in. It makes me wanna give you ALL THE CHAPTERS. This one is a little short, and a bit of a rollercoaster, but... you better get used to it. This is where the story kicks off for real. Hope you like it.
> 
> PS I hope you have a good NYE wherever you are! If you leave a comment, let me know where in the world you are. I’m in the Netherlands :)

Katya is ecstatic when she comes home, although it was also a very tiring morning for her. She lies down on the couch without even taking off her shoes and falls asleep. She has a short, jumbled up dream about herself on a broomstick in a club with her new haircut.

As the week passes, Katya seems to have a little more energy than normal. The weather is also good, which helps, and her colleagues compliment her haircut. She texts Trixie a few times during the week and always gets a quick answer. Talking to Trixie is becoming an addiction that Katya has no plans on kicking anytime soon, and she invites Trixie for Friday night again, which is immediately answered with a thumbs up emoji.

Katya promises to provide the wine. Some money came in from her translation jobs, and she buys wine, some French cheese, cream cheese and olives, and a good stash of cigarettes. Trixie wasn’t sure at what time she could make it, so Katya makes sure the house is tidy after dinner, and then lights some candles and settles on the couch with her laptop. She’s deep into editing an interesting French essay when the doorbell rings.

Katya opens the door with a bright smile, in her favorite dress, with her hair done just right and mascara on her lashes. Trixie stands in the hallway in a tracksuit, with wet hair, no makeup, and her face in a frown.

“Oh, baby…” Katya opens the door, and her arms, and Trixie stumbles into them, and starts sobbing into Katya’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” Trixie sniffles when she lets go after a moment. Katya runs her knuckles over Trixie’s wet cheek.

“How about a glass of wine?”

“Bless you, yes please.”

Katya hurries into the kitchen to get the snacks and the wine and then sets it all out on the coffee table.

“Oh, you have food,” Trixie says surprised. “I haven’t eaten anything since breakfast.”

“Eat all you want, I have more,” Katya says, and prepares a piece of warm bread with cream cheese and hands it to Trixie. Trixie chews and sniffs and accepts a glass of wine, drinking almost half of it in one go.

“You won’t believe the fucking week I’ve had,” Trixie says grimly. Katya is shocked at the f-bomb, but keeps silent.

“On Saturday, I got home to a house in shambles and my poor mother in law sleeping on the couch, completely exhausted, because hubby dearest had to ‘work’. On Sunday he was apparently still annoyed with me for having to work on Saturday, and we had a fight about how I ‘felt the need’ to own a business when he makes ‘more than enough’ money to provide for his family.”

Trixie cries harder, holding one hand over her eyes. Her voice is choked when she speaks.

“And he was home late all week, and then last night I… I just, I wanted to make it up to him, I got this cute nightie and… and… he just said no. He rejected me.”

She turns to look at Katya and her eyes are swimming with tears. Katya’s eyes can’t stay dry and she takes Trixie’s hand in hers.

“I was trying to… I wanted… I… he pushed me away. He literally pushed me when I wanted to make love to him.”

Trixie basically flings herself at Katya, who just catches herglass to set it on the table, and then hugs her tightly. Trixie’s body heaves with her sobs, and she grabs the fabric of Katya’s dress in a tight grip in her fists, her tears soaking Katya’s shoulder.

Katya says nothing, just holds Trixie and rubs her hands over Trixie’s back, strokes her hair, rocks her a little.

“I’m sorry, baby,” Katya says softly when Trixie’s sobs get a little less intense. Katya shifts to lean against the back of the couch, Trixie still wrapped around her, her face now on Katya’s chest. Katy’s strokes her hair while Trixie’s body slowly calms down. Trixie slides down and puts her head in Katya’s lap, her feet up on the couch.

“I think we should split up,” Trixie whispers. “But the kids…” she sniffles and wipes her nose. Then she sits up and looks at Katya with a red, blotchy face and swollen eyes.

“I’m a mess, I’m sorry. Where’s your bathroom?”

Trixie washes her face and blows her nose and then comes to sit with Katya on the couch again. They sip wine, smoke cigarettes and discuss Joe and why he’s acting the way he is.

“I don’t know him, I can’t judge him, but you don’t deserve this,” Katya says. “You’re a kind, beautiful, gorgeous young woman and he should worship the ground you walk on, dammit. Oh, sorry.”

“I don’t know why he’s like this now, after all this time, I… I need more wine.” Trixie gets up from the couch and takes their glasses into the kitchen. Katya follows her to get more bread.

“Do you want more olives?” Katya asks with her head in the fridge.

“Yes, please.”

When Katya turns around with her hands full, Trixie is right there, the wine bottle in her hand.

“You think I’m beautiful?” Trixie looks at Katya seriously, with a small, shy smile. Katya nods.

“I think you are absolutely beautiful and gorgeous and kind and caring and sweet.”

You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, you are an angel, I love you.

Katya doesn’t say exactly what she thinks. Just what she thinks is acceptable to say in this situation.

“I just don’t know if I can accept… well, that either this is how it’s gonna be, or it’s over and I leave him and cause a lot of drama.” Trixie says when they settle back into the couch.

“Is that the church talking, or you?” Katya questions.

“That’s me, really, because I had to work so hard for this relationship and to make everything work and to then have it crash…” Trixie shakes her head sadly. “I was always a little rebel, I made my parents crazy, I dated older guys before I was even of legal age, lost my virginity to spite my father, and then at twenty-six I fell in love with an older widower with four kids.”

Trixie grins suddenly and grabs Katya’s knee with both hands, leaning in.

“I once told my parents I was gay and they nearly threw me out of the house.”

“What? Why!” Katya stares at her, and Trixie’s face is full of glee.

“Because I wanted to shock them into understanding. I had a friend in high school who was a lesbian, and my parents wanted to forbid me to hang out with her.” She giggles at the memory.

“But… did you date her, or…” Katya’s mood shifts dramatically as she imagines a teenage Trixie experimenting in high school. Trixie sighs and sits back on the couch.

“No, I didn’t. Maybe I should have, I think she was in love with me, but… I was seeing some college dude then.”

“Have you ever…” Katya’s mouth is a little dry and she waves her hand without knowing how to word her question.

“What? Experimented? You want details, neighbor?” Trixie’s eyes have a glint in them, and she leans in again, close to Katya’s face.

“The only thing I’ve done with girls is dancefloor-flirting. Like, sexy dancing to turn on guys.”

Katya rolls her eyes. “Yeah, ok, that’s a typical straight girl thing to do. But you never made out with a girl?”

“No. Have you ever been with a guy?”

“Yeah, a few, but I never understood what I was supposed to be doing. I later found out that I just really, really prefer women.” Katya smiles at Trixie. Their proximity is close enough that she can smell her fresh shampoo.

“I had a threesome once,” Trixie whispers, scooting even closer as if she needs the talk to stay private.

“You have? Oh my God! I thought you were a good Christian girl!” Katya laughs and slaps Trixie’s thigh lightly. Trixie giggles.

“Told you, not really. But honestly, I wasn’t that interesting. I think in hindsight I was just there because these guys were closeted gays and needed some sort of excuse. All they did was make out with each other and then, as an afterthought, both had sex with me while kissing each other.”

Katya is wheezing with laughter, holding on to Trixie’s shoulder for support.

“Why is that funny? What!” Trixie laughs and screams and they’re both in hysterics.

“You’re so serious and dry, oh my God,” Katya catches her breath and takes a swig of wine.

“Would you make out with me?”

It’s out of her mouth before Katya really thinks about it, and she immediately regrets it, her hand going to her mouth as if she can put the words back in. The look on Trixie’s face changes from hysterical laughter, to surprise, and shock.

“I… I…” Trixie stutters.

“I’m sorry,” Katya says, holding up her hands. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, I just, geez, I don’t know why I said that, forget about it. Just. Ugh. I’m sorry.” Katya takes a cigarette from the pack on the table and lights it.

“I’m a married woman.”

“I know, I’m an idiot, just…” Katya waves her hand and looks away, blowing out a cloud of smoke. She can’t look at Trixie and feels tears stinging behind her eyes.

“But I would.”

Trixie’s soft words ring in Katya’s ears, and the hairs on the back of her neck stand up. She fumbles with the cigarette in her hand, afraid to look at Trixie.

“It was… I’m just…” Now it’s Katya’s turn to stutter and jumble and she doesn’t really know what to say. Her mind is blank. Her body gets hit by a wave of heat when Trixie sits up and comes closer.

“You know I’m not a lesbian, but… I’m curious.” Trixie bumps Katya’s shoulder with her own.

But I love you.

Katya knows she’s in dangerous territory here, straight girls wanting to make out with gay girls and then walking away… it’s all too familiar. But…

Katya kills her cigarette in the ashtray and then turns around to face Trixie. She’s awfully close. Katya leans in, their noses are touching, and she gives Trixie plenty of time to back out, but she doesn’t. Trixie puts one hand on Katya’s knee, the other grabs the couch cushion. Katya puts her hand on Trixie’s cheek, and it’s red hot, and she quickly wets her lips with her tongue before pressing them to Trixie’s.

Trixie’s lips are soft little pillows and Katya has to swallow a moan when she’s finally kissing the woman she’s been dreaming about for months now. Their lips mash together smoothly, gently, soft smacking sounds filling the silent room. Katya nips at Trixie’s lower lip, then swipes her tongue over it, and it makes Trixie get closer and open her mouth to let her own tongue out.

Once their tongues meet, their bodies wake up and they grab each other. Katya’s right hand is still on Trixie’s cheek, the other goes into her long, blonde, still damp hair. Trixie’s hand slides over Katya’s knee to her thigh, the other goes to her back. Their tongues connect, slide around, lick the other’s lips and teeth, and do a sexy dance that makes Katya’s body go up in flames. She knows her pussy is dripping, her back is sweaty and her thighs are trembling.

Katya pushes at Trixie to lie down on the couch and she does so without breaking the kiss. Katya crawls over her, kissing her passionately, and Trixie gasps a little when Katya lets go to bring her mouth to Trixie’s neck. She holds on to Trixie’s hair and moves her head a little to the side so she can reach all the way down to where Trixie’s neck meets her shoulder, and kiss a line up to her earlobe, her tongue peeking out to wet her skin and then blow hot air over it.

Trixie moans, and writhes a little under Katya, entangling their legs. Her hand rubs up and down Katya’s back, and then lower, until she can reach her ass. Katya hisses against Trixie’s ear when Trixie gently squeezes her ass, and kisses her mouth again hungrily. Katya feels Trixie’s hands travel over her body, exploring, and then both hands are holding her breasts, squeezing them, Trixie’s thumbs poking at Katya’s nipples through the layers of fabric. She moans into Trixie’s mouth and undulates her hips against her.

Katya slips one leg between both of Trixie’s and puts pressure on both of them. Trixie’s hips respond of their own volition, and she pants a little through her nose. Her hands come up to cup Katya’s face and mess up her hair.

Then Trixie gently pats Katya’s cheek and ends the kiss. They look at each other, both with hurried breaths and wild eyes. Trixie’s eyes dart from Katya’s eyes to her mouth, back and forth, and when she doesn’t speak, Katya kisses her again, feathering gentle kisses on Trixie’s swollen, wet lips.

“I can’t.” Trixie’s whisper is barely audible, but Katya feels it against her lips. She kisses again and again, but feels Trixie’s hand on her chest, pushing.

“Katya, I… I can’t.”

Katya stops, and buries her face in Trixie’s neck, catching her breath while Trixie’s hands gently stroke Katya’s back.

That night in her bed, Katya stares into the pitch black darkness. She wants to cry but the the tears won’t come. She feels completely sober, even after drinking the rest of the wine after Trixie had left.

Trixie is a married woman and a mother, and Katya has to accept that. It’s not about Katya, it’s about Joe, the friendly, handsome guy from across the street, who completely neglects his wife in every way.

Trixie had been silent when they got up and adjusted their clothes, drank wine and stared at the floor. She left looking sad, but pretty, her hair messed up, her cheeks pink and her lips swollen.

And she apologized. The girl had the audacity to apologize.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The girls have something to talk about...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY NEW YEAR! 
> 
> Thank you for your amazing comments, I have been so thrilled to see them <3 This new chapter is a bit of a ride, hold on tight and enjoy it.   
> I’m uploading this as an extra chapter by you guys are so AWESOME but I will normally update on Wednesday and Saturday.

In the weekend and the week that followed, Katya does not text Trixie and she doesn’t receive any texts. She sees both Trixie’s and Joe’s cars on a few occasions, and Trinity waves from the sidewalk. Katya worries that the friendship is over, that she has scared Trixie away, and it makes her mad. She’s angry with herself for trying to seduce Trixie against her better judgement - she should have known, she knew, she had met enough cute girls in her life to know better - and angry with Trixie for letting her, but then also berated herself for trying to blame Trixie. She couldn’t be angry with the cute blonde angel from the big house across the street, so she was just angry with herself.

On Saturday morning, a week after their kiss, Katya watches as Joe piles all the kids into the SUV and drives off. Trixie doesn’t seem to be with them. She stares at the house, wondering if Trixie is at the salon or behind one of the many windows she sees, when her phone dings.

T: I think we should talk. Wanna come over? I’m home alone.

Katya’s heart skips a beat, and she thinks that everything may not yet be lost.

K: ok, I’ll be there in 15

Katya dashes into her bedroom and quickly puts on her favorite, washed out black jeans, a knit sweater and her black ankle boots. Her hair is a wet mess, but she squeezes most of the water out with her towel, brushes it down and then hurries to leave the house, just with her keys in her hand. She isn’t wearing anything under the sweater and the cold wind outside makes her shiver, but she has to endure it for barely two minutes.

Trixie opens the door, and she looks like her old self again - a pink pencil skirt, a white salon blouse and a pink cardigan, her hair big and her makeup perfectly in place.

“Hi, thanks for coming,” Trixie is shy when she opens the door, and leads Katya through a large entryway, along the living room, into an open kitchen with a large breakfast bar. It’s smells amazing in the kitchen and there’s a tray of fresh cupcakes on the bar.

They are silent while Trixie makes them tea and Katya sits at the bar, eyeing the cupcakes, and at the same time feeling fear and dread in her stomach for the conversation looming ahead. She’s not sure if she could actually eat one of the cupcakes with the way her stomach is knotted. When Trixie sits down opposite her, Katya rushes to speak.

“I’m sorry for last week. I shouldn’t have… tried to… well. I’m sorry.”

Trixie looks at her seriously, with a frown between her yes.

“I’m sorry, too. I was being reckless, I forgot my place. I shouldn’t have done that.”

They both stare into their mugs, steam coming up to their faces. Katya waits to feel relieved, but somehow her feeling of dread doesn’t go away.

“Do you want a fresh cupcake? I was supposed to bring them to my family today, but there was a change of plans.”

Katya shakes her head, staring at the flower design on her mug.

“Why did you do it?” Katya asks, looking up.

“Why did I…”

“Why didn’t you stop me? I wanted to kiss you, but I gave you space, I mean… I expected you’d stop me if you-”

“I was curious.”

Katya looks at her now. Trixie’s cheeks are flushed and she meets Katya’s eyes uncomfortably, but doesn’t look away.

“I got caught up in the moment, I didn’t… I didn’t mean to, uhm, for it to… escalate.”

Trixie speaks softly and shifts in her chair, still not letting go of Katya’s gaze. Katya feels her body get hot with anger, unsure if it’s toward herself or Trixie, how beautiful she may be.

“I don’t regret it.” Trixie says, and now looks at the shiny flat surface of the breakfast bar, wiping at an invisible stain, her face red hot.

“What do you mean?” Katya’s voice is low and menacing, she can’t hide her anger, it’s pouring out of her.

Trixie sniffs, which catches Katya off guard, and she gets up and walks around the bar to stand right in front of Trixie. She clenches her fingers into fists, feeling helpless, angry and sad, wanting to comfort Trixie but also wanting to shake her and force her to make sense of everything. She reaches out and touches Trixie’s shoulder, and Trixie turns and buries her face in Katya’s sweater, crying.

“I don’t know what I mean,” Trixie wails. “I don’t know anything anymore, I just… I just…” she looks up at Katya, tears in her eyes, and pulls at Katya’s sweater, and kisses her hard. Katya gasps in Trixie’s mouth, opens her lips and tangles their tongues together, her body exploding with every bit of pent up anger, frustration and love. She grabs Trixie’s head, buries her fingers into the soft, blonde hair and groans against her lips.

Katya steps back then, their lips disconnecting with a pop, Trixie hanging in the air, almost falling off her stool.

“What is going on here, Trixie? Am I your experiment? Your rebound, while you’re still fucking married?”

Alarms are going off in Katya’s head, she’s crossing a line, she shouldn’t do this, but she’s already way beyond the line and it’s too late. Trixie gapes at her and blinks a few times.

“What am I to you?” Katya says. Trixie looks down at Katya’s shoes.

“You’re my friend. My only friend. I don’t wanna lose you.”

“Do you typically make out with your friends?”

Trixie shoots her a look, sadness changing into anger.

“That’s not fair, you said it first,” Trixie spits out and wipes at her nose. “We were having drinks, and talking about sex, and I thought you were just… challenging me.”

Katya sighs and deflates somewhat.

“I was.”

“Yeah. So. I didn’t anticipate, that we… that…” Trixie waves her hands and now stands up to pace the kitchen.

“That what?”

Trixie shakes her head and stares out the window into the large garden that is scattered with children's bikes and toys. Katya stands closely behind her.

“That it would be so good?” She says it softly, right beside Trixie’s ear, and Trixie can’t hide the shiver that hits her spine.

“I am fucking married, Katya,” Trixie whispers. “I have five kids. Five!”

Trixie’s eyes are closed and she has her arms crossed over her chest, and she doesn’t respond when Katya pushes her nose into her hair. She stands completely still as Katya steps away, slowly walks to the breakfast bar and picks up her keys.

“It was a challenge, and I apologize for that. I’m sorry if I’m too much, too soon, too intense. I’m sorry, but I’m also not sorry.”

Trixie turns around and regards Katya from a distance.

“I’ve wanted to kiss you since the day we met. I’m sorry. I… I can’t be your friend, Trixie. I don’t want to be your friend, I want to be your lover.”

Trixie stares at her, mouth open, arms slowly falling by her sides.

“But…”

“I’m in love with you.” Katya shrugs. “I know it was stupid to even think… well. Just… goodbye.”

Katya turns around and walks away, picks up the pace when she hears Trixie calling her name, cowardly running across the street to her own building. She doesn’t look back once, and immediately goes into her bedroom and throws herself on the bed.

What a shit show. Why the hell did she have to get herself into this, while she knew better. Katya doesn’t know how to do romance or relationships, she always falls for the wrong women, she always seems to attract drama and tears and stress and pain. She was right to stay away from women completely, and now she’s even more sure.

Katya’s phone dings on the coffee table, but she ignores it. It dings again, and twice more, and then it’s silent. She falls asleep, in spite of it still being morning, but she’s suddenly exhausted. A while later, she wakes with a rush, disoriented and cold on top of her sheets. Her phone is ringing in the living room and for a moment she forgets, gets up and takes a few quick steps to reach it.

Katya doesn’t answer the phone; it’s Trixie and her whole body feels heavy with sadness and regret and dread and pain. She turns off the sound on the phone, and not ten minutes later hears a small sports car engine rev outside and speed away.

Katya works. She reads. She watches an old movie that she’s got saved on her laptop. She’s in bed earlier than most kids, and falls into a dreamless sleep. Sunday is spent much the same way, she still ignores her phone, has turned it all the way off so no messages come in.

In the late afternoon, Katya forces herself out of her funk and takes a long, hot shower, mostly just stands there and tries to keep her mind as blank as possible. She dresses warmly and then leaves the house to go to the store. She takes the long route to a store a little further from her house, to get some extra walking done, and returns home when it’s just getting dark.

Her heart catches in her throat when she sees Trixie sitting on the steps to her front door, huddled into her bright pink jacket, shivering in her yoga pants. She stands when she sees Katya.

“Will you please talk to me?” She says before Katya even ascends the steps. Katya nods shortly, passes Trixie and opens the door. She brings the heavy backpack to the kitchen and shrugs off her jacket. Trixie keeps hers on, watching Katya’s movements as she hangs it up and goes into the kitchen to put her groceries away.

Trixie stands in the doorway between the kitchen and the living room, looking like a lost puppy, her eyes big, her arms hanging by her side. Katya looks at her when there are no more products to store away.

“I said everything I needed to say,” Katya says, leaning her hip against the kitchen counter. Trixie’s face twists into a grimace, and for a moment Katya worries she might cry, but she doesn’t. Katya passes her to get to the living room, sits down on the couch and lights a cigarette.

She feels Trixie is working up to something, but her patience is wearing thin, the tension in the air tightening her throat. Trixie takes off her jacket and discards it on the floor next to the couch, where she perches on the very edge.

“I don’t wanna lose you.” Trixie’s voice is thick and hoarse. Katya sighs and rubs a hand over her face.

“Trix… I can’t do this with you. It hurts. Do you understand?”

Trixie’s lip quivers.

“I can’t carry on being your friend with all that I’ve said, with us just… pretending that I’m not sitting here wanting to kiss you, make love to you, touch you, just, fucking staring at your pretty face like I’m fifteen.”

Trixie moves closer, very close to Katya on the couch.

“I don’t want that, either. I don’t want to hurt you, I never wanted that.”

Trixie’s hand comes up and she strokes it softly over Katya’s hair, pushing it away from her face. Katya closes her eyes at the simple caress and breathes out some smoke slowly.

“What… then…” Katya can’t form a sentence, and looks into Trixie’s eyes, beautiful big brown eyes full of emotion, and Katya reads something there, or is it just that she wants to see it? Is it just because she wants Trixie to want her too?

Katya leans forward, away from Trixie’s hand, and stubs out her cigarette. She turns her body to Trixie and reaches out to run her knuckles over Trixie’s cheek. It’s warm and flushed, and Trixie leans into her touch. Katya swallows, and leans in, déjà vu twisting her gut.

Trixie whines when their lips touch, bracing Katya’s shoulder with her hand, she’s kissing her back and pushing her shoulder at the same time. Katya’s hands creep up over Trixie’s thighs, grabbing her sweater, pulling. It’s a silent fight, Katya pushing at Trixie’s lips with her tongue, Trixie holding her breath and staying still, but opening her mouth a little. Their tongues meet, and Katya sighs into the kiss, breathing heavily against Trixie’s skin. She puts one hand on Trixie’s waist, the other behind her knee, and pulls her against her, on her lap, straddling her.

Trixie’s whines again, as if she wants to fight it, but can’t, and moans outright when Katya grabs her ass and pulls her close, their chests touching, the weight of Trixie’s ass on Katya’s toned thighs. Katya kisses Trixie with all that she has, tries to pour all her love and passion into it, while Trixie sighs and pushes her hips closer to Katya. Katya can feel the warmth of Trixie’s full hips and ass beneath her fingers, right through the flimsy fabric of her pants. She runs her hands up Trixie’s thighs, under her big hoodie, up over the elastic band that makes an indent in her soft belly, up to meet bare skin, and it’s burning hot.

Katya’s hands roam Trixie’s back, and she feels nothing but skin. Katya moans at the notion that Trixie isn’t wearing a bra, and Trixie’s mouth falters, she leans her forehead against Katya’s and pants into her face, concentrating on the feeling of Katya’s hands on her naked skin.

Trixie sits up, looks at Katya for the first time since they started kissing, and her eyes are dark and dangerous, spitting fire at Katya, and she pulls at her hoodie and it’s up and over her head and her breasts are naked and big right in front of Katya.

“Fuck.” A throaty whisper leaves Katya’s mouth, and she brings her hands to the front, tickling along the sides of Trixie’s boobs. Trixie takes Katya’s hands and puts them on her breasts, full and heavy in Katya’s small hands.

“Fuck, baby…” Katya whispers, reveling in Trixie’s beauty as she arches her back and offers herself to Katya. Katya leans in, presses her face into Trixie’s bosom, smelling the spring and letting the soft warmth overwhelm her. She kisses, massages and nips at Trixie’s breasts, finding two hard and very sensitive nipples, and takes one into her mouth. Trixie moans, rocking her hips into Katya, running her fingers through Katya’s hair, scratching her scalp, holding her against her breasts as if she might stop.

Katya can’t get enough, so warm, so soft, so heavy against her face, so pliable in her hands, and she pinches one nipple with her fingers, eliciting a loud gasp from Trixie.

Katya wants Trixie to sit on her face, to choke her with her thick, strong thighs, to make her scream and flail on the bed. She slips a hand from Trixie’s boobs down to between her legs, and finds the stretchy material of the yoga pants damp and warm.

“Ah, please,” Trixie breathes, undulating her hips with uncoordinated movements. Katya puts a hand on Trixie’s back and pushes her close, their lips meeting again in heated kisses. Katya’s fingers barely stroke Trixie, but she is so incredibly receptive to every touch that she trembles above Katya and her kisses become sloppy.

“You want it?” Katya breathes against Trixie’s lips. Trixie’s response is a soft mewl, and a sigh, and a nod. Katya pats Trixie’s ass. “Get up.”

Katya takes Trixie’s hand and pulls her into the bedroom. It’s a little colder there, which feels nice on Katya’s overheated face. She takes off her sweater, leaving her in just a simple black bra, and faces Trixie. Her pretty brown eyes are glassy, her lipstick smudged and her hair a mess, and she is breathtakingly beautiful. Katya sees the frown between her eyes, and runs her hands up Trixie’s arms, shivering when skin meets skin. She brushes Trixie’s hair away from her face.

“It’s ok, baby. Lie down.”

Trixie toes off her sneakers and lies down on the bed. Katya strips to her underwear and joins her, turning on the tiny bedside lamp to cast the room in a warm, orange glow. She straddles Trixie, bending down to kiss her, lips now familiar with each other, tongues sensually sliding together. Katya can’t stop touching Trixie’s breasts, but forces herself to cast her attention elsewhere, lower, over her belly, which is soft and a little wrinkly, and then Katya pulls at the elastic waistband of the sinfully tight yoga pants.

Katya removes the pants and Trixie’s socks, exposing her toes with bright pink glitter polish on the nails, which makes Katya smile.

Trixie’s thong is also pink, a soft rose colour almost invisible against her creamy skin. Katya covers Trixie’s body with her own, feeling Trixie’s warm, clammy hands on her back. Trixie is a little shaky. Katya dips her face in Trixie’s neck and whispers close to her ear, “Are you ok?”

“Yes.” It’s barely there, but Katya hears it.

“You are so beautiful,” she whispers against Trixie’s collarbone.

She pushes her knee between Trixie’s legs and pushes them apart, then descends over her body until she is face to face with the cute thong. She presses her nose against Trixie’s mound, and feels Trixie push up against her. She breathes her in, her sweet aroused smell, her juices having stained the material, and then hooks her fingers into the sides to pull them down.

Trixie’s hands grab the sheet below her, and Katya sees her stiffening up, eyes scrunched closed. Katya worries for a moment if she’s doing the right thing, but then shuts off her brain and kisses Trixie’s lips, wet and sticky, and a moan rumbles up in Katya’s chest. It’s been awfully long since she’s done this and her body is charged and hot. She swipes her tongue over Trixie’s lips, pushing through to her clit, and draws teasing circles around it.

Trixie lets out a hissing sound and her thighs are trembling, her back arching and her hands restlessly fiddling with the sheet. Katya props Trixie’s feet up, pulling her hips closer, with Trixie’s warm thighs now on each side of her face. She moans into Trixie, lapping at her wetness, burying her face in it. Her pussy is sweet, and so, so wet, she’s already gushing and Katya’s mouth makes sucking noises as she licks her all over.

“Oh my… fuck…” Trixie’s breathy voice makes Katya’s heart jump and her toes curl and she moans into her pussy. She pulls Trixie open with her fingers, straightens her tongue and draws it along her entrance, then dips inside, up to her clit, around in circles, on and on.

Trixie’s breathing is irregular and heavy and she moves her head from side to side.

“Yes, yes,” Trixie moans. Katya feels she’s almost there, and wraps her lips around her clit, sucking, then flicking it fast with her tongue.

“Oh fuck, yes, OH,” Trixie bucks her hips, Katya’s arm over her belly keeping her steady, and Katya pushes a finger inside, while trying to keep up with Trixie’s wild thrashing. Katya’s own panties are soaked all the way through and she moans loudly, adding a second finger into Trixie’s warm wetness.

Trixie’s breaths come in puffs and she moans louder and louder, and Katya eggs her on with her own moans. She fucks her with her fingers and flicks her clit with her tongue, and keeps her hips in place, and then Trixie lets out a scream, and mewls, and trembles and comes and thrashes and makes a wet spot in the middle of the bed. Katya keeps stroking her with her tongue, with her fingers lodged firmly inside as deep as possible. Trixie is still on a high, keeps undulating her hips, grunting now, mumbling unintelligibly, until she starts hissing and move her hips away from Katya’s mouth. Katya kisses her pussy gently, carefully takes her soaked fingers out and looks for a moment at the beautiful spent woman on her bed, with bright red flushed cheeks, running makeup and a bird’s nest on her head.

Katya’s face is slippery and wet, and she wipes it on the sheet before kissing Trixie’s soft thighs, scraping her teeth over the flesh. Trixie giggles, and then sniffs. Katya’s face whips up and she looks worriedly at the angel.

“It tickles,” Trixie whispers. Katya moves to lie beside Trixie and pulls the duvet over them.

“Baby? Are you crying?”

“I’m ok, I promise,” Trixie whispers, pinching her eyes with her thumb and index finger. Katya cuddles close to her and pulls at Trixie’s face to kiss her, her heart full and warm and overflowing.

“Why are you crying? Honey, please tell me.”

“I don’t know,” Trixie laughs through her tears, then turns to her side and presses her body into Katya. “It was that good,” she whispers in the crook of Katya’s neck.

Katya wraps an arm around Trixie protectively, stroking her hair. She feels Trixie’s warm hand on her hip, under the blanket, gently fumbling at her underwear. Katya’s body is wired, electrified, and her skin prickles at the touch.

“Baby…” Katya whispers against Trixie’s hair, her voice breathy and low. Trixie pulls at the panties, and Katya helps her push them down until they are below her ass. Trixie’s fingers ghost over Katya’s skin so softly, she can barely feel them, but goosebumps appear nonetheless.

Trixie shuffles closer to Katya and runs her fingers over Katya’s mound, stroking the narrow stripe of hair there, then slipping down as Katya lifts her thigh. Trixie has long, slender fingers, with soft skin that is almost as warm as Katya’s pussy, and she slides between Katya’s lips easily. Katya moves her hips and her fingers curl around Trixie’s wrist to keep her in place, rocking herself against her, the friction setting her on fire immediately.

Trixie’s face emerges from where it was hidden in Katya’s neck, and it’s slightly damp and red hot, and she searches for Katya’s mouth to kiss her, her mouth sweet and wet. Katya pants and moans, her hips moving faster, her grip on Trixie’s wrist tightening, her mouth hungry as she sucks on Trixie’s lower lip.

“You’re gonna make me fucking come,” Katya moans into Trixie’s mouth, and Trixie gasps and whines. Katya’s other hand grabs at Trixie’s breasts and she pushes as much of her body against Trixie’s as she can, and then stills, gasps and quivers, and her orgasm crashes through her body like a wave.

Trixie’s fingers move again, spreading moisture all over Katya’s pussy and thighs, and she places little kisses on Katya’s cheeks and the corner of her mouth while Katya pants to catch her breath.

The apartment is silent and dark, apart from the small light in the bedroom and both of their breaths slowly calming down while they huddle under the duvet, limbs entangled and skin warm and slick. Katya’s mind is reeling, jumbled and chaotic, while her body is calm and she revels in the feeling of Trixie’s softness against her.

Katya feels Trixie’s body sagging against her, going slack, and her breathing evening out, and she’s asleep. Katya leans back, looking at Trixie’s face, calm and beautiful, even with the mascara-stained tear tracks and smudged foundation.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trixie is shaken up after her evening with Katya, and all day at work and with her family she’s both worried and excited at the same time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your comments are almost better than binging UNHhhh on New Year’s Day. ALMOST.
> 
> “That’s some TRUE TEA!”  
> “I don’t think so!”
> 
> I’ve changed the POV to Trixie, I hope you like the insight in her brain, even thigh this chapter doesn’t contain any smut ;)

A soft snoring sound right next to her ear breaks Trixie’s light slumber. Ever since she became a mother, she’s been sleeping lightly and wakes at the slightest sound. Even when she started living with the other kids as their stepmom, before she had her baby, her awareness eclipsed that of her husband.  
  
Trixie takes a deep breath and smells Katya, her hair, her skin, her bed, her smoke. She’s fast asleep, snoring gently, her nose in Trixie’s hair and her hand still holding Trixie’s wrist. Trixie blinks and stares at Katya’s relaxed form in the dim light, a wave of affection flowing through her body. She wants to wake her, and kiss her more, hold her close and mess up her hair, but it’s also too much, and too late, and she’s so tired of worrying and crying. Her throat is tight again and she takes a deep, shuddering breath, holds it while she carefully removes her arm from Katya’s grip and untangles their legs.  
  
Trixie uses Katya’s bathroom and looks at herself in the mirror. She’s a right mess, and it makes her smile. She fixes it as best she can with water and a little washcloth that she finds in the small cupboard under the sink. She pads naked through the dark house, finds her hoodie next to the couch and puts it on. Her belly coils at the thought, the thrill of taking off her sweater and showing her naked breasts to Katya, the way she moaned and nearly drooled at the sight, her hands cooler than Trixie’s overheated skin, which had a calming effect on her.  
  
Trixie is aware of the shift in her universe at this very moment, standing in Katya’s bedroom and sliding on her clothes without making a sound. Her eyes water, her breath halts and she presses a small kiss to Katya’s forehead, she moans, smacks her lips, but doesn’t wake.  
  
Katya’s ancient phone is on the coffee table and Trixie knows her stressed out, angry messages from earlier are still in there. She picks it up and tries to open it, and to her surprise there is no code. She sees her painfully erratic texts are still unread, and deletes them one by one, takes her own phone from the pocket of her jacket and sends a new message. She tiptoes into the bedroom and puts the phone on the empty pillow beside Katya.

T: You need a code to lock your phone ;) I deleted my texts from earlier bc I wrote some stupid things. It’s almost 11, I have to go, don’t wanna wake you. Thx for everything, talk soon XXX

The late evening is cold as Trixie jogs across the street, looking back one last time at Katya’s dark windows before she closes the front door.

The house is dark, silent and empty. After the week they had, she was glad Joe had decided to take the kids to his mom for the weekend - he probably wanted to punish her by taking the kids away and leave her alone in the house, but it wasn’t as bad as he might think. Trixie misses the baby most of all, because he’s her precious little bean and she is so used to having him around all the time, and thinking of him makes her sad as she slips into the bed. She scoots to the middle, enjoying all the space on her own, and imagines Austin’s chubby little face. Her heart jumps at the thought of leaving Joe, and the kids, what about the kids? Will she still see them? Will she leave and live somewhere alone with just Austin? How will she run her business with a baby and no grandparents to watch him? Maybe she should just move back to Wisconsin…

Trixie sighs, turns around in the bed and tells herself sternly to go the fuck to sleep. It’s no use thinking too far ahead. Tomorrow is another day, and she’ll talk to Joe then.

*

Trixie wakes up early, feeling rested, but a little lonely in the empty house. She knows she’s not actually needed at the salon today, but a text from Joe tells her he and the kids won’t be home until the end of the day, so she decides to go in for a couple hours. Hopefully she can get some paperwork done and tidy up her office, which has been a mess ever since she opened the salon almost two years ago.

While Trixie gets ready, her mind drifts to the previous night, and she hurries from the bathroom back into her bedroom, just in her jeans and bra, to pick up her phone from where it’s been charging beside the bed. No messages. She sighs a little and puts it back down. She wonders how Katya is feeling, about everything that happened. She wonders about her own feelings, and her stomach flutters while she brushes her teeth and looks at herself in the mirror. Her face is a little flushed, her breathing is elevated. She’s a little wired, her body filled with nervous energy.

Trixie goes around the house to check if everything is tidy and ready for her family to return. She hasn’t spoken to them in a few days, as Joe hasn’t called and Patricia didn’t answer Trixie’s call. She feels thoroughly punished, more so by them ignoring her than by Joe telling her not to come with them for the weekend.

After a quick breakfast, Trixie gets into the small, white sports car to drive into the city. She doesn’t like driving it, it’s very flashy and gets dirty in an instant, and she doesn’t like how loud it is and how careful she has to be with the gas pedal - she’s often gone over the speed limit without even realizing it. Traffic is busy and Trixie is bored, checking her phone every two minutes, but there’s nothing from Katya. Trixie isn’t sure what hours Katya works, but she decides to send her a message anyway, feeling like she needs to test the waters.

T: Good morning, sleep well? I did. How are you?

The light turns green for Trixie and she speeds off, too fast, muttering a curse under her breath. That text was awkward but she sent it anyway. She bites her lip, stares at the phone and the road intermittently for a few minutes until it vibrates in her lap. Her belly coils and she squeezes her thighs together, realizing she’s getting turned on by the thought of seeing Katya again.

Seeing her again, kissing her, smelling her hair, watching her smoke. It was so sexy, for some reason, to watch Katya smoke. Trixie hasn’t realized that until she saw it on Sunday, after their first kiss, after the fight, after her bout of crying sitting on the floor of the hallway when she saw Katya literally run away from her.

K: Slept like a baby. I’m very well. You? Are you ok about last night?

Katya’s text comes in when Trixie’s taking a turn, and there’s another red light, just enough time for her to type a reply. She has to think quick. How is she feeling? Is she ok? She doesn’t know how to answer that, but she doesn’t want to be vague or lie, so she decides to just be honest.

T: Im aroused rn, does that tell you anything?

Trixie’s driving again, squirming in her seat a little and pushing her hair away from her face, her cheeks warm and her hands clammy. She really is very aroused, images in her mind of Katya’s naked body above hers, how hungry Katya looked at her, the little moans and sighs in the dark room, the electrifying feeling of Katya’s tongue…

K: omg what are you doing to me

Trixie grins widely at Katya’s reply, a little squeak escaping her throat. She texts back while driving, which is completely reckless and irresponsible, but her thighs are clamped together and she can feel the moisture between her legs, it’s insane, and thrilling and scary all at the same time.

T: No, what did you do to me? I’m soaking my panties and I’m driving

A car honks and Trixie drops her phone to the floor in shock, eyes wide as she assesses her situation. They didn’t honk at her, she’s fine, she’s ok, her heart is beating out of her chest and she grips the steering wheel with both hands. She can only hope she pressed send on the message, but when the phone vibrates she knows she has. She leaves the phone where it is, on the floor of the car, half under her seat, until she drives into the parking garage under her building.

Trixie is nearly panting when she parks the car and closes her eyes for a moment once she’s shut it off.

K: Fuck you’re turning me on. Don’t text and drive!!

Trixie stares at the message while she walks to the elevator on unsteady legs, which has nothing to do with her brown, high-heeled and fringed ankle boots. She suppresses a wide grin, wondering what to type, when someone yells behind her.

“Trix! Wait!”

Trixie sticks out her purse to prevent the elevator doors from closing and greets her employee, who starts talking about work at top speed, because she needs tomorrow off and she knows they’re short staffed, and if Trixie could please find someone to fill in, or, God forbid, do it herself.

“It’s fine, Kayla, I can take your spot on the roster,” she assures her, and then they’re entering the salon and it’s busy and they need to have a short staff meeting before the day begins.

T: No worries, I’m at the salon now, talk to you later X

Trixie texts Katya quickly before she joins the other women and one man at the coffee machine for their meeting. It’s just a short talk that Trixie usually does on Tuesdays when she’s scheduled to work in the salon, as they go over the roster and everybody’s plans for the week. It turns out she actually has to work in the salon today, because their planner has overbooked two of the women, and he looks bashful as he admits it. Trixie waves it away, it can happen to anyone, and she’s happy to step in.

It’s a busy morning, and Trixie gets little to no time to check her phone. She only sees that Katya has sent three kisses in reply to her last text. By the end of the morning, Trixie is busy shuffling boxes around in her office, her shoes and cardigan discarded on a chair and her sleeves rolled up. She’s managed to put together an Ikea bookshelf by herself, and now fills its with binders of paperwork, office supplies and product samples.

Trixie leans her ass against the edge of her desk for a moment and regards her work, sipping a forgotten mug of tea that’s now lukewarm. She still has about two hours before her appointment comes in, the double booking that she promised to take. Her phone dings in her back pocket, and she’s whipped it out even before the sound dies down.

K: Having sandwiches for lunch. What I ate last night was much tastier.

Trixie huffs and nearly chokes on her tea. A strangled sound leaves her throat before she can stop it, and she stands up to pace the floor, her body prickling with heat.

T: HAHA I almost spit out my tea omg

She catches her breath and then types again, sucking her lower lip between her teeth.

T: Your tongue is magic. I’ve never come so fast.

She stares at it while it’s being sent, waiting eagerly for the three dots that indicate Katya’s typing. It’s the God honest truth, what Katya did to her was utter magic and Trixie can’t dwell on it or she’ll be useless for the rest of the day. She pulls her hair back from her neck, where her skin is clammy.

K: cant wait to do it again… are you free on Friday? Wanna CUM over?

Trixie giggles at that, and yes, she very much would like to go back to Katya, her cute little house, her couch, her cigarettes, her chilly bedroom and her seductive blue eyes. Her heart speeds up and skips a few beats, and suddenly Trixie’s head spins, and reality creeps up on her.

She’s a married woman, a mother, who has made a promise to her partner, his children, God, and all their families and friends. A promise she fully intended to keep, even if she was shaking in her pretty white dress and heels, a promise that meant the world to her when he spoke it. A promise that speaks from the adoption papers she signed weeks later, with four small, excited faces watching her.

T: I want to, but I have to check. I’ll let you know x

Trixie lets out a shaky breath, her throat closed off with the sudden emotion, panic wracking through her body. She had consciously felt her universe shift when she was silently dressing herself in the dark of Katya’s place, and now it hits her again, and harder. She doesn’t want to stop seeing Katya, she wants to keep doing whatever it is they are doing, wants to explore more of it, and not just for the sake of her physical desires, not just for how it’s so warm down there in her tight jeans when she even thinks of it. She wants to find out what that spark in her chest means when she thinks of Katya, talks to her, sees her, something she felt since the first time she sat down on that soft, comfortable couch, looking around at Katya’s trinkets and feeling right at home. Could it be serious? Could she be feeling something for this woman, actual real feelings?

Trixie breathes deeply a few times, pacing the floor, sliding her socked foot over a spot that she made when she shoved the bookshelf against the wall. In between everything she’s feeling, she realizes there is one thing missing: guilt. That fact in itself should make her feel terribly guilty. She’s always condemned adulterers, even when she was still a wild, inobedient young girl, sleeping around more to spite her parents than because she actually wanted to. Deep down, she always wanted the romance and the fantasy, she wanted to be Cinderella who got swept off her feet by the prince, she wanted the pretty white dress and the big house full of children. Steady jobs, a garage big enough to take two cars, tidying up toys and leftover food and school books before bed.

She has all of it, everything she wanted and more, and then… it somehow all didn’t seem to be enough.

Trixie goes around the office to tidy up more, give her hands something to do, but she’s lost in thought and jumps up when someone comes to tell her that her appointment has arrived.

After giving her client a facial, which was peaceful and managed to distract her, apart from making her face sweaty and her hands soft, Trixie goes home. Her employees can fend for themselves for the rest of the day and close up. The SUV is in the garage when she comes home, and she stays in the car for a moment, texting Katya, who is probably still at work.

T: I don’t know if I can wait till Friday

She waits a few minutes, willing Katya to look at her phone, but there’s no indication that she’s read it. She types again, in a bit of a frenzy.

T: I don’t even feel bad, is that bad? It probably is.

She turns the phone to vibrate only and tucks it in her pocket, then exits the car and trudges to the front door. The moment she opens it, she hears excited squeals coming from the kitchen, and her heart fills with warmth. The kids come running around the corner, skidding in their socks, all three girls in her arms at the same time.

“Mama! I missed you,” Trinity places a big fat, sticky kiss on her cheek. Naomi tugs on Trixie’s arm.

“Mama, come see, we made you dinner.”

Candace stands by, waiting for the little ones to let go, and then throws herself into Trixie’s waiting arms.

“I didn’t like it at Gramma’s,” she whispers in Trixie’s neck. The poor girl is very sensitive to everything that’s going on around her, and Trixie feels the guilt creep into her stomach now. She knows Joe was probably angry, and frustrated, or maybe sad, or whatever other mood he was in - it’s bound to bounce off on Candace and worry her.

“Let’s talk later, baby girl,” Trixie says, holding her hand on the girl’s cheek and meeting her eyes. Candace nods, knowing they will find a moment alone later.

Joshua is too cool to be excited about anything anymore, but he smiles through his grumpy mumbling when Trixie ruffles his hair where he sits on the couch looking at his phone.

“Hey, punk,” Trixie says softly, just loud enough for him to hear, and he scoffs, doesn’t look at her, but it’s good enough.

Her baby squeals as he sees her, sitting in his high chair, flailing his arms and legs around trying to get her attention.

“Hello! There’s my handsome little boy,” Trixie coos at him and pulls him out of his seat. She lets out a shaky sigh when her nose is on his head to smell him, his soft, blond hair tickling her nose.

She turns around to find Joe in the kitchen with her pink apron on, and her heart stammers at the familiarity.

“Oh wow.” She’s intently dry and feigns shock, dropping her bag where she stands, mouth gaping.

“You really are making dinner?” Naomi and Trinity can barely contain themselves, jumping up and down next to their Dad.

“Well, we only just started, but yes, that’s the plan.” He smirks in his cute, dorky way, and shrugs. Trixie approaches him with the baby on her hip, still a little unsure of how things are now, after their fight, after his rejection, after, well.

“I did the meat, mama!” Naomi grabs Trixie’s hand in both of hers. Trixie looks at Joe, stands close and leans in to kiss his cheek.

“Hi.” He looks at her shortly, his gorgeous blue eyes on hers, but she can’t read anything in them.

“We have to talk,” she says in a general tone. “Tonight.” She smiles then and lets Trinity and Naomi pull her away while blowing raspberries on Austin’s neck, making him scream with laughter.

Trixie feels Candace’s eyes on them from where she sits at the breakfast bar, her school books in front of her, and she knows that Josh hears everything even though he’s been perpetually uninterested in the world around him from the age of eleven.

When she gets a chance to escape, Trixie quickly changes her clothes in the bedroom and checks her phone. Her massages are still unread, and she quickly types another.

T: You must be busy, I’m sorry, I’m still shaken up. You were right. I didn’t expect it to be that good.

The evening passes in a flurry of activity, dinner, playing, homework, cleaning up, unpacking bags, more homework, Josh shyly asking Trixie to proofread his English essay, and then she’s on Candace’s bed, holding a crying girl in her arms, and her heart is thoroughly broken.

“I don’t wanna be bad, mama, I really don’t, but I-I couldn’t help, I just, I just heard them, and, and I was angry, bu-but I didn’t say anything, I couldn’t, I…”

Candace chokes on a breath and grabs Trixie’s sweater with her small, sweaty hands.

“Shhh, it’s ok, baby. You’re not bad, you’re my good girl, right? You can talk to me about anything. Always. Ok? Candace?” Trixie lifts the girl’s chin to look at her, and she nods.

Gramma and Daddy had a fight, and Candace overheard, and she’s been carrying the burden of that conversation around since Saturday. They talked about Trixie, and it wasn’t good, and Candace is struggling to understand what’s going on.

“Listen, baby. People fight sometimes, you can’t do anything about that. What they fight about, is not your fault, or your business.” Candace stares up at her with big eyes, opening her mouth, but Trixie shakes her head.

“You can’t help that you heard, and I’m glad you told me, because I don’t want you to worry about it. Daddy and I, we’ve been disagreeing on a few things, and it’s hard, but we have to work it out. That’s our job, not yours, ok? We have to figure it out, you don’t have to do that, carry all that around with you.”

Candace sniffs and nods, gently puts her head against Trixie’s bosom again.

“Ok, mama. Will you make up with Daddy?”

“I will, baby. And now that you’ve talked about it, I want you to let it go. It’s no longer inside you, you’ve let it out, and now it’s gone. Ok?” Candace nods against Trixie.

Trixie sits on her knees by the bed for a while, stroking the girl’s hair until she’s completely calmed down. She tiptoes to the door, and just as she slips out, Candace whispers in the dark.

“I love you, mama.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trixie confronts her husband about their issues, and then gets all hot and bothered by Katya via text.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your comments are better than Phi Phi’s face crack in AS2 <3
> 
> This is really short, I’m sorry.

Trixie knocks on Josh’s door, and waits patiently for him to answer. He’s on his bed, laptop on his lap, and Trixie stays in the doorway, respectful of how much he hates anyone invading his space, and all of his room is his space. It looks neat, like he tidied up, and he’s been hanging more posters on the wall, and Trixie’s not sure if he actually likes looking at horrific pictures of skulls and gore, or if he just does it to annoy his dad - which he is.

“Hey. Did you have a good time at Gramma’s?”

Josh frowns and looks up from his screen, shrugs. Trixie can see his Dad’s charm surfacing beneath the boyish features, and it makes her smile fondly.

“It was ok, I guess.”

“Good. Did you put all your laundry in the basket?”

Joshua nods. “It’s full though.”

Trixie sighs. “Of course it is. Well, don’t be up too late, ok? And don’t creep around the house and scare me to death.”

She’s referring to one Friday night when she left Katya’s in a tipsy daze, and nearly got a heart attack when she heard Josh raiding the fridge in the dark. He laughs and nods.

“Goodnight, punk.” She winks at him.

“Trixie?”

He only calls her that when they’re alone, his Dad won’t allow it when people are around.

“Is, uhm, are you and Dad… did something happen?”

Oh, curse these children, too smart for their own good. Trixie looks at him seriously, shifts her weight to another foot, and she knows it’s enough to answer his question.

“We… disagreed, on some things. We’re both stubborn, you know that. We’ll work it out.”

He nods and she points a finger at him.

“Promise not to worry about it.”

He nods again, smiles.

Trixie’s legs are heavy as she makes her way to Joe’s office, downstairs, next to the garage, where she know he’s been hiding out since she announced to the kids it was time for bed. She takes a deep breath and knocks on the closed door, his voice immediately allowing her in. She’s learned to knock after that one time he was on a Skype call with a colleague and Trixie walked in on them wearing one of Joe’s white buttons downs, and nothing else.

He stares intently at his screen, reading emails, and doesn’t look at her when she sits down on the extra chair besides the desk. His eyes flick over to her shortly, then back at the screen.

“Just a moment, honey,” he mumbles.

Trixie waits, fumbles with her hands, wiggles her knee. He takes a few minutes, then turns his swivel chair around, takes his glasses off and regards her seriously.

“What’s going on?”

Ok. He’s being obtuse.

“Is my punishment over?”

He frowns, looks her over, but doesn’t answer.

“Don’t try to play dumb, Joe. I’m a blonde but I wasn’t born yesterday.” Trixie stands up and paces the small room once, twice, crosses her arms. He sighs and rubs his hands over his face.

“I’m sorry, ok?” Trixie says. “I’m sorry we weren’t able to work it out. I was lonely this weekend, so your punishment worked.”

It’s not a lie, not really. She was lonely, save for Sunday evening.

“Punishment…” he says softly.

“You should also know that our kids are a lot smarter than you give them credit for. I have just been consoling Candace for an hour, crying about how Gramma and Daddy fought over Mama.” Trixie keeps her voice even and holds up a hand when he wants to speak. She sits down again, rolls the chair close to his.

“I don’t care what you discuss with your mother, but be aware of the tiny ears around you. Even Josh asked me if something was going on.” Joe’s eyes widen at this.

“Yeah. So, I have two questions for you.” Trixie places her hands on the desk, palms down flat, looking him straight in the eyes.

“Ok.”

“Are you ready to accept that I am not Mary?”

It’s not often that the name of Joe’s first wife is mentioned between them. Not because Trixie feels some type of way about her, but because Joe avoids it. Where Trixie encourages the kids to talk about their mother, and insists on them calling her mama and not mom, Joe gets silent and contemplative.

His face crumples as if he cringes, and he takes a breath, but doesn’t speak.

“And two: why won’t you have sex with me?”

He pales and he shifts in his chair.

“Honey, I… what…”

“You don’t have to say anything right now, just think about it. You know I hold Mary in high regard, I honor her memory and I want the children to remember her, to live with her memory. But I am not her. I am not the type to sit around the house and wait for her husband, to knit sweaters and wear long skirts.”

She means it less harsh than it comes out, and she leans in to put a hand on his knee. He flinches.

“And secondly, if sex is not on your agenda, I want to know why.” Her tone is softer, trying to soothe the sting from her earlier statement. Then she gets up, and turns at the door.

“I just want you to think about these things, ok? I’m going to bed.”

It’s barely half past nine, but Trixie is exhausted as she goes back up the stairs and shuffles over the thick carpet to the master bedroom. For a moment she wishes that they had a guest room, so she could be alone for a while longer, but there aren’t any rooms left. She checks her phone when she gets to the room, closing the door behind her, and sees a text Katya sent a while ago.

K: Very busy day, just got home. I knew it would be good before I kissed you xx

Trixie's body once again responds to the text before her brain does, her lower belly warm, and then even lower, it tingles. She feels needy, wanton, and just plain horny. She wants Katya’s attention, all of it, her eyes on her own, her hands on her body, all the sensations all at the same time, and then she wants to hide in Katya’s arms and shut out the world.

T: How did you know…

She rummages through her closet to find her favorite nightgown, a pink, satin little thing that has matching panties. After some digging, she find the panties as well, and puts them on after a quick shower. Her eyes droop when she lies down and picks up her phone, just as Katya’s reply comes in.

K: Idk, I just felt that it would be good… your body language, how you smell, everything. And then kissing you was proof XXX

T: I’d never kissed a woman but it felt so good, so soft. I wanna kiss you rn.

Trixie’s body is too warm under the duvet, so she pushes it back a little and pulls her hair up and away from her neck.

K: I would kiss the shit out of you if you were here. And grab your wonderful ass.

Trixie’s mouth hangs open, staring at the screen of her phone. She doesn’t know what to reply, but Katya is typing again.

K: I’m getting hot just thinking about you in those yoga pants and no bra. You’re fucking sexy.

T: It turns me on when you say such things. I just put on clean panties.

K: I wanna mess them up and I won’t even be sorry.

Trixie’s skin is prickling with excitement, and her fingers are sweaty when she types her reply.

T: Please do, I’m so needy. That’s your fault.

K: tell me what you need

T: idk… I just wanna make out with you again. Hear you say I’m beautiful

K: You are gorgeous and sexy and beautiful. Make out? Eat you out?

T: Yes… that was so good

K: Your pussy tastes so good mmm

Trixie is half panting now and beads of sweat are forming at her temples. She’s on her side in the bed, her back to the door, and her thighs are rubbing together with the sway of her hips.

T: I’m so wet now

K: Baby you’re torturing me. I want you so bad.

Trixie hears the stairs creak and quickly pulls the duvet over her overheated body and turns off the small bedside lamp.

T: gotta go Joe is coming

She turns off the sound on her phone and sets her alarm, and then puts the phone down just as Joe opens the door to enter the bedroom. She’s left on a small lamp in the bathroom so he can find his way around, and she quickly peeks at her phone when he closes the bathroom door.

K: goodnight sexy angel xx

T: goodnight cutie xx


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trixie’s family and job take most of her time and energy, but she finds a moment to sneak out and see Katya - just for a moment, but a very sexy moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SMUT WARNING!! Just a little bit of smuttiness in this one. I hope it satisfies your thirst a bit ;)
> 
> I’ve run into a bit of a writer’s block and I haven’t written anything in more than a week. I have this written until chapter 15 now, so no worries, I can still update for a few weeks. The last chapter just mocks me, maybe because I don’t want it to end. Your enthusiasm and comments helps me a lot, thank you!

After an eventful Monday, the rest of the week is very busy for Trixie. She works in the salon all day on Tuesday, takes the girls to dance practice in the evening and takes an hour of aerobics in the same building, comes home to Joe panicking because Austin doesn’t stop crying, and then sits with the baby for hours as he has a fever and refuses to settle down. On Wednesday she has to work again, but gets called away by her babysitter because Austin is still sick, and she leaves her salon to take him to the doctor.

On Thursday evening, Trixie has spent all day with a sick, crying baby, and the afternoon with all the kids in the house moping because she has to give him all of her attention, and Joe is home late and skips dinner in favor of working in his office.

At ten that evening, Trixie is completely exhausted. All the kids are in bed, Austin is finally sleeping, and the house is tidy again. Joe hasn’t emerged from his office since he came home, and her feet are heavy when she knocks on his door. He’s on the phone when she enters, and holds his hand over the receiver.

“I have to step out for a moment, can you keep an ear out for Austin?” She hears how weak her voice is, how close to tears she sounds and she knows he sees it.

“Yes, absolutely, I’m almost done. Just leave the door open and I’ll hear him,” Joe answers softly, and reaches out to touch her arm. She forces a smile and nods, then leaves before her emotions get the best of her.

Dressed in comfortable leggings, an oversized knitted cardigan, and boots lined with fake fur, she steps out of the front door with just her keys and her phone. She peeks across the street, sees Katya’s curtains closed but a light still on.

T: you still up?

K: just getting ready for bed. How was your day?

T: Complete shit. Can I come over? Just for a minute.

K: Of course!

Trixie is already stepping through the front door of Katya’s building when her reply comes in, and knocks on her door shortly. Katya opens the door, face shocked, hair damp and just a towel around her body.

“I’m sorry, I…” Trixie starts.

“That was quick,” Katya says at the same time, opening the door further. It’s been barely a week since they were in bed together, naked, and the air is a little thick between them.

Katya closes the door and leans against it as Trixie stands in her hallway, looking lost, staring at the towel and Katya’s bare legs and feet. She stuffs her bundle of keys in one cardigan pocket and her phone in the other, and steps forward, close to Katya, as close as she dares. Trixie’s heart beats loudly, her ears are ringing, Katya’s mouth is open but no sounds come out.

“I just, I’m sorry I… I…” Trixie doesn’t really know what she wants to say, reaches out and touches Katya’s hair, her face, and sees how Katya’s gaze flicks to her lips. She leans in and kisses Katya, a little gasp escaping Katya’s lips when they connect. Warm and soft and willing, their lips move together and Trixie’s body relaxes, she sighs through her nose and grabs Katya’s head, fingers in her hair.

Katya’s hands move away from where she was holding the towel and she grabs the soft, knit fabric of Trixie’s cardigan and pulls at it, lining up their bodies until Trixie is pushing her against the door. Trixie pushes her hips into Katya’s, feeling the wetness of the towel through her thin leggings, as their tongues connect and their kiss heats up. Katya’s hands travel down and around, reach under the cardigan and then Trixie feels her fingers on the backs of her thighs, caressing her, moving up to her ass, squeezing gently, carefully.

“Shit,” Trixie whispers when she stops to take a breath, Katya’s tongue swiping over her lips. She puts her forehead against Katya’s for a moment, then leans back to look at her. Katya’s hands still on her ass, her eyes big and questioning.

“I just needed to see you,” Trixie whispers. Katya smiles.

“I don’t mind, baby.” Katya’s voice is low and sexy and Trixie feels it in her belly. She touches Katya’s face, her fingers a little damp from grabbing her hair. She kisses her again, softly, their lips gentle, and keeps looking at her, how Katya’s eyes slide closed and she angles her face to receive the kiss. Her hands move again on Trixie’s ass, with little caresses and squeezes that make Trixie’s lust grow by the second. She pushes into Katya again, and Katya lifts a leg and wraps it around Trixie’s hip. Trixie moans and brings a hand to the leg, hooking it behind her knee, then running over Katya’s naked skin.

Katya kisses her harder, squeezes her a little more, as Trixie’s hand moves up over the side of her slender thigh. Katya’s body is toned, and Trixie feels her muscles tremble beneath the skin. She’s soft, and warm from her shower, and smells fresh and minty.

“I can’t stay,” Trixie says between kisses, and Katya just moans in reply. Trixie squeezes her thigh and moves her hand up, under the towel, her fingers ghosting over Katya’s naked obliques which tense at her touch. The towel has unwrapped where Katya tightened it above her breasts and is now just held in place by Trixie’s body pushing against her. Katya shivers when Trixie moves away and the towel falls to the floor and her leg comes down. Trixie looks at her, takes in the naked woman with her heated cheeks, her chest rising and falling with her panting breaths.

“Just a few more minutes?” Katya asks, reaching out to touch Trixie’s hair. Trixie nods, and follows Katya as she takes her hand and pulls her into the house, the living room, to the couch. Trixie shrugs off the warm cardigan and is in awe of Katya’s body as she lies down, how comfortable she is with being completely nude while Trixie is dressed. She straddles Katya, who tosses a few pillows to the floor to make room, and their mouths connect again. Heated kisses, hips undulating against each other, Trixie’s slender, cool fingers on Katya’s breast. She teases her nipple, and lets go of her mouth to kiss her chin, her neck, breathes her in, and moves to her clavicle.

Trixie never knew it could feel this reverent to be intimate with someone. It’s so different, to not care about the technicalities of making out, if it’s ok to move your body this way or that, if the other person is feeling ok - she just knows. She knows Katya is good, that she is enjoying whatever Trixie’s doing, her body’s response is completely clear and Trixie feels as if she can read it. As if Katya’s nipple is now calling her mouth to close her lips over it, to wet it with her tongue and swirl around, suck on it a little. Katya’s hands tangle in her hair and her little moans and hisses of pleasure are all Trixie needs to fuel her movements. She doesn’t think about it, she just follows her desire. She wants to feel Katya’s skin on hers, and lifts her shirt to connect their bellies, Katya hissing at the feeling of their skin touching, her body surging up towards Trixie’s.

Trixie’s hand moves down over Katya’s abdomen, and Katya moans loudly when she slips her fingers between her lips. She’s so wet, it’s all over Trixie’s fingers and her breath catches in her throat.

“Trix, fuck, what…” Katya speaks brokenly.

Trixie feels around blindly, sucking on Katya’s nipple still, rubbing her fingers up and down, spreading Katya’s wetness all around her pussy. Katya’s hips tremble and move with Trixie’s hand, and Trixie finds her entrance and pushes a finger inside. Katya sighs and mewls, grabbing Trixie’s shoulders, and Trixie gently moves her finger in and out, then adds another.

“Oh yes,” Katya whispers and pushes her hips up. Trixie swipes her thumb over Katya’s clit with each thrust of her fingers, and moves her mouth up to Katya’s, who kisses her back eagerly, her breaths choppy and a constant whimper in the back of her throat.

“Faster, baby, make me come, please,” Katya mumbles against Trixie’s lips, and she complies, moving her hand faster and her fingers deeper. Katya’s fingers dig into her shoulders through her shirt, and she watches her as she unravels, unable to focus on their kissing, moving her head back, and keeps up her movements until Katya stills and sags into the couch. Trixie moves on top of her, her sticky hand on Katya’s breast, kissing her sweaty neck and cheek.

“Fuck, oh fuck,” Katya whispers, shakingly wrapping one leg around Trixie’s waist and her arms around her neck.

“Baby,” Katya coos in Trixie’s ear. “Let me…” She pulls at Trixie’s shirt, her nails raking over Trixie’s naked lower back, and Trixie moans into Katya’s neck.

They both freeze when Trixie’s phone starts buzzing, on the floor in her cardigan pocket.

“Shit,” Trixie says under her breath and untangles her arm from Katya to reach for the phone. It’s a text from Joe.

J: Will you be home soon? I’m going to bed.

Trixie sighs and sits up a little, straddling Katya’s hips, as she types a reply with shaky fingers.

T: I'll be right there. Austin ok?

J: Yes still sleeping

“I have to go,” Trixie says to Katya, who’s lying back on the couch, one arm slung over her head, naked and with rosy cheeks. She looks like she’s posing for a an artist who is also her lover.

“I’ll have to eat you out some other time,” Katya says with a grin, making Trixie laugh. Trixie leans down to kiss her.

“I’ll keep you to it,” Trixie says with her lips against Katya’s, and they both giggle.

“Are you ok?” Katya asks when they are back in the hallway, Katya with the towel around her and Trixie fixing her hair in the little mirror next to the coat rack.

“Yeah. Just a busy week, and today I was home with a sick baby all day and I lost my mind.” Trixie turns to Katya. “But now I’m better.” Katya laughs at that and turns her face up for a kiss. It’s somehow so cute that she’s smaller than Trixie, it makes Trixie feel like she wants to protect her.

“I was fine today but now I’m amazing,” Katya says, and presses another kiss to Trixie’s cheek.

Joe is in bed when Trixie returns, and she tries to make as little noise as possible when she slips into the bathroom, and then changes into sleep wear in her closet.

“I’m not sleeping,” Joe’s low voice suddenly sounds through the room and Trixie nearly jumps.

“Oh, ok,” she says and turns on the little bedside light to plug in her phone and set her alarm.

“Where’d you go? I was a little worried.” Joe turns to his side to look at her.

“I was just at Katya’s. Being cooped up in here all day made me a little insane,” Trixie says as she lies down and pulls the duvet over her.

Joe hums. Trixie turns off the light and turns to him, seeing just his shape outlined in the dark room.

“You’ve become good friends, huh? Maybe you should invite her to the party.” Joe stretches and settles, punching his pillow.

“Yeah, she’s great. I’ll ask her.” Trixie feels she’s blushing and is grateful for the darkness around them.

“Joe?”

“Mm.”

“Have you thought about… what I said?”

He’s silent for a moment, clears his throat.

“I have.”

He doesn’t say anything else, but after a moment, he sits up and flicks on the light on his side of the bed. Trixie sits as well, stares at him.

“I don’t really know what to tell you, honey. I have been so caught up in work that I haven’t given myself any space to think about… anything. About us and how we live our lives.”

He reaches out and takes one of her hands from where they are in her lap, and leans over to kiss her knuckles.

“Are you happy?” Trixie asks. She’s trying to be in the moment, be as sincere as she possibly can, with thoughts of Katya tugging at the back of her mind.

“I am,” Joe says with a nod. “But… I am also confused. The things you said…”

“I’m sorry if I was harsh. I was a little worked up.” Trixie squeezes back on his hand.

“That’s ok. You said what you needed to say. I’m trying to work out how I feel about it.” He looks at their hands for a moment. “Would it be ok if I talked Pastor Sanders? And then come back to you?”

Trixie nods. “Absolutely. If you feel that it will help you, do that, and we can talk afterwards.”

Trixie knows their pastor and Joe go back a long time, and he’s like a second father to Joe, especially after his own dad passed away. If Joe needs to talk to him before he can talk to Trixie, that means he’s pretty serious. It’s a relief to her that he takes her comments to heart, but at the same time it also puts a lot of weight on their upcoming conversation.

“Goodnight, honey,” Joe says then, and leans in to kiss the side of her head. Then he switches off the light and settles under the covers.

Trixie turns her back to Joe and listens to the sound of her heart pounding in her ears. He’s going to talk to the pastor, probably this weekend, maybe after Sunday mass, and then he’s going to talk to her. She wonders why he feels he needs the pastor’s guidance in this, right now. And he said that even right after mentioning their party, which is still more than two months away, with which they plan to celebrate his fiftieth birthday and their fifth anniversary.

All this while Trixie just threw a pair of soaked panties in the laundry basket. Soaked from kissing Katya in her hallway, her tight, naked body under the towel, and then under Trixie, how she was panting and writhing and so wet for Trixie, how she responded to every touch an bucked up her hips and cursed and shuddered when she came.

Trixie stares into the dark room, tries to focus on the shapes of the open closet door and the chair beside it, but it doesn’t matter. She sees the images of her and Katya without even closing her eyes. She closes them, swallowing thickly, trying to think of something else and willing her mind to calm down and let her sleep. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The girls finally have a whole evening together...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your love for this story is better than Katya’s Doctor Bitchcraft intro. I love you all!!!
> 
> Also BUCKLE UP ;) 
> 
> ***SMUT WARNING***

Joe is more talkative the following evening, and makes an effort to give Trixie and the kids more attention. He’s home early from work and joins them all for dinner, helps Trixie tidy up and helps Candace with her math homework, which gives Trixie time to bathe Austin in peace. His cold is getting better and the fever is gone, and although he’s still coughing a little, he’s a happy boy again.

Once all the kids are in bed, Joe has spread out some paperwork on the breakfast bar and works on his laptop.

“I’m going to take a shower now,” Trixie announces. Joe looks up and smiles at her.

“Ok honey. Are you going to see Katya?” He doesn’t quite get the pronunciation right, but it still gives Trixie a little thrill in her stomach.

“If it’s alright with you?”

“Sure, yes. Has everybody settled down?”

“Yeah, Austin is just a little fussy still, if he cries maybe he just needs his nose wiped or a clean diaper.”

Joe nods and looks back to his papers. “Ok, no problem. Have fun.” He pushes his glasses up and writes something down, already caught up by whatever he’s reading.

Trixie jogs up the stairs and shoots off a quick text to Katya before jumping into the shower. She washes her body thoroughly, shaves everywhere, and washes her hair, treating it with delicious smelling conditioner. Once she’s done, she dries off and coats all of her skin in a thin layer of coconut body oil, applies her favorite teal blue eyeshadow and several coats of mascara, and blow dries her hair until it’s soft and wavy. After some contemplation, she decides on a champagne colored corset and thong set, satin and sleek, paired with holdup stockings in the same color. It makes her feel sexy and feminine and her body is so hot she doesn’t even want to put on clothes.

Trixie doesn’t go back to the living room to greet Joe. He’s busy, and he doesn’t need to see what she’s wearing or how red her cheeks are, or how sweaty her hands feel.

Her heels click as she crosses the street, and she smoothes over her outfit with her hands once more before she rings the bell - a stretchy, pink pencil skirt, a neat powder pink button down and nude pumps, all hidden under her thick down jacket.

Katya opens the door completely dressed in black, as Trixie expected. She’s in a vintage-looking dress, loose-fitting satin and lace, and her legs are bare. Her hair is styled neatly and she’s wearing black eyeshadow and mascara. She stands in the hallway, her socked feet side by side, her hands clasped in front of her, watching Trixie hang up her jacket.

“Wow, your eyes…” Trixie says softly as she approaches Katya, who smiles widely.

“Did I do it right?” She looks shyly up at Trixie. Katya applied the black shadow to her lid, just up to the crease, blended it pretty well, and added a little under her lower lashes.

“Yes, your eyes are popping. It suits you,” Trixie says, reaching out to put her hand on Katya’s fumbling ones, and kisses her softly. Katya closes her eyes and leans into the kiss, holding Trixie’s hand in both of hers.

“Come. I have wine.” Katya pulls Trixie along, into the living room, where it’s cozy with candles burning and music softly playing. There’s wine, a little plate of cheeses and olives, and a pack of cigarettes. Trixie sits on the edge of the couch as Katya fills their glasses and brings the bottle back to the kitchen, and Trixie lights two cigarettes for them.

Trixie inhales carefully, the smoke sharp in her lungs, and waits for the tingle to spread through her body. She smokes so rarely, the first cigarette will make her almost high for a moment, but she likes the feeling, it relaxes her.

Katya sits close to Trixie on the couch and clinks their glasses together. They stare at each other, black lined pale blue eyes into teal lined soft brown ones, and smile, before they take a sip. The wine is good, fruity and dry and nice and cold, and Trixie wants to slap her forehead. She’d gotten the idea that Katya didn’t have much money to spend, so Trixie had intended to bring the wine and the cigarettes every time. But she’d forgotten.

“The wine is lovely,” Trixie says, and turns to Katya. “I’ll bring some next time, ok? The cigarettes, too.” She glances at the package to see what brand Katya smokes.

“Ok,” Katya says, smiling happily. Her eyes are shining and follow every move Trixie makes. Trixie feels it. She feels those intense eyes on her when she bends over to take off her shoes and pull her feet up on the couch. Katya scoots closer, resting an elbow on the back of the couch, her hand reaching out to touch Trixie’s hair.

“So, you had a shit week?” Katya asks, stroking Trixie’s hair where it frames her face. Trixie sighs and looks down at her glass, takes another sip before she answers.

“I’ve just been so busy, I didn’t really have any room to take care of a sick baby, but as soon as I thought that, I felt so guilty. I cancelled my appointments and drove straight home. But he’s better now.” Trixie smiles. She’s eager to finish her wine and get into making out, but she’s not quite sure how to make the transition.

“And Joe?” Katya asks then, twisting a lock of Trixie’s hair around her finger. Trixie sighs.

“We’re probably going to have a serious talk this weekend, but…” Trixie puts her glass on the table and then takes Katya’s glass from her hand as well.

“I don’t wanna talk right now.” Trixie gets very close to Katya, leaning over her, and kisses her softly. She feels Katya’s warm breath on her face, and her hands running over her arms. Katya’s lips part to invite Trixie’s tongue and they easily slide together, their bodies inching closer on the couch. Katya pulls at Trixie to get closer to her, but Trixie wraps her arm around Katya’s waist to pull her onto her lap. Katya giggles into Trixie’s lips and does as she wants, straddling Trixie’s thighs, leaning down to kiss her. Trixie leans her head back on the couch and runs her hands over Katya’s thighs, pushing the dress up to feel her skin.

“You want me on top, huh?” Katya whispers against Trixie’s cheek before dipping her face into her neck, making her giggle when she tickles Trixie’s ear with her lips.

“My skirt is too tight,” Trixie says on a laugh, and squeezes both of Katya’s thighs, her dress now all the way up. She massages the firm muscle, turning her hands to run her thumbs along Katya’s panties, except she doesn’t seem to be wearing any. Trixie’s thumbs meet soft, warm flesh, and she hisses at the feeling. Katya grumbles into her neck where she’s licking up to Trixie’s ear and bites her earlobe.

“Oh my God, Katya…” Trixie pushes her thumbs down, along Katya’s lips, down to where she’s wet and ready. “So wet.”

“Just thinking of you worked me up so much,” Katya moans into Trixie’s ear, igniting her scalp in prickles, and Trixie pushes up her chest to touch Katya’s breasts with her own. Katya’s fingers fumble hastily with the buttons on Trixie’s blouse, popping them open one by one until she can see her full breasts.

Trixie keeps rubbing her thumbs up and down along Katya’s lips, as Katya buries her face into her cleavage, licking and kissing and nipping at her skin.

“What the fuck are you wearing?” Katya opens more buttons and pulls at the blouse, looking at Trixie’s breasts being pushed up by the corset and spilling over the satin cups.

“The one thing I have that’s not pink,” Trixie says, chuckling. “But I’m afraid it’s also a little small.” Trixie looks down at how the cups fail to keep everything covered, her nipples peeking over the edge. Katya pulls at the fabric and rubs both nipples with her thumbs, rolling them around, pressing them down to watch them pop up again.

“Take this off,” Katya breathes against Trixie’s mouth as she kisses her again, pushing at her shirt to get it over her shoulders. Trixie reluctantly lets go of Katya’s thighs, her thumbs damp from where they rubbed her lips, and quickly rids herself of the blouse. Katya’s mouth is all over her neck, shoulders and cleavage, and Trixie moans. She brings her hands back down to Katya’s thighs, where there is now barely any space between them, slips her hand down and cups Katya’s naked pussy.

Katya pants and bites Trixie’s neck, licking up to her ear.

“You’re so fucking se-” Katya’s voice halts on a gasp when Trixie pushes two fingers up and inside her. Katya growls in Trixie’s ear and grinds her hips down, circling them, trying to feel as much of her fingers as she can. Trixie pushes up until she’s inside Katya up to her knuckles, her hand sticky and slippery.

“So fucking sexy,” Katya finally manages to mewl in Trixie’s ear. She moves up and down above Trixie, her pussy sopping, and Trixie’s body is on fire and shaking with anticipation.

“Take off your dress,” Trixie pants, pulling at the fabric on Katya’s side. Katya sits up, bucking her hips into Trixie’s hand, and pulls the dress over her head. She’s completely naked and Trixie’s free hand flies to her chest, covering one firm breast in her hand, grabbing it, teasing the nipple. Katya leans forward and angles her body so that Trixie can lick her nipple, suck on it, while her fingers still fuck Katya.

Trixie feels Katya’s hands on her arm, her wrist, trying to make her move faster and deeper inside her, and then Katya is touching herself, rubbing her clit and Trixie has to open her eyes and look at her, how she’s pleasuring herself and getting pleasure from Trixie’s fingers at the same time. Trixie’s arm is getting tired from the weird angle and she lets go, Katya opening her eyes in shock to look at her, her face flushed and her mouth gaping.

“Please don’t stop,” Katya falls forward and kisses Trixie hard, rubbing her tight, naked body against her. Trixie pulls Katya’s hand away from her pussy.

“Let me,” she whispers, Katya’s tongue in her mouth.

“Come to the bedroom,” Katya pants between kisses, and Trixie nods, and they stand, stumble into the bedroom on unsteady legs. Trixie quickly pushes down the skirt while Katya flips on the little light, and stands there in the corset, her breasts propped up, her ass nearly naked in the thong and her thighs barely covered by the stockings.

“Holy fuck,” Katya says out loud, and takes Trixie’s hand, twirls her around, and again, until her back is toward Katya. Katya hugs her from behind, presses her whole naked body against Trixie, her hands on her boobs, her hips against Trixie’s ass. She walks Trixie to the bed, pushes her on it, crawls over her, while Trixie moans and pushes her ass up into Katya. Katya’s hand palms her from behind, pressing on her covered pussy, fingers teasing her through the fabric. Trixie wants this feeling to last forever, the want, the need, the desire fueling her body.

Trixie flips her body under Katya, and grabs her face to pull her down for a kiss. Katya lies on top of her, they bodies touching from their lips down to their entwined legs, Katya’s foot rubbing up and down the sleek stockings on Trixie’s calves. Trixie uses her weight then, to turn them over, Katya panting under her, her small body covered by Trixie’s bigger, more curvy form. Katya is restless, writhing beneath Trixie, mumbling things in between their heated kissing.

“What is it?” Trixie asks, moving her lips to Katya’s chin.

“I need… I just… oh, fuck,” Katya pants and pushes her hips against Trixie’s, barely finding any friction anywhere, her hands rubbing up and down Trixie’s thighs and ass.

“I just need you. Please. Touch me.” Katya’s voice is desperate in the near dark, and Trixie’s belly coils with desire to please this beautiful woman. She lowers herself, cupping Katya’s breasts in her hands and kissing and licking them, at the same time pushing her thick thigh between Katya’s and against her pussy. Katya shudders and clamps her thighs together, rubbing herself against Trixie and leaving a wet spot.

It doesn’t give Katya what she needs, and she doesn’t get a lot of time to try and get herself off, because Trixie moves again and kisses and licks Katya’s belly. Katya holds her breath and bites her lip when Trixie descends, and kisses her inner thighs, nibbles at the skin.

“Please, Trixie, I can’t,” Katya babbles incoherently, undulating her hips, grabbing the duvet underneath her with her fists.

Trixie has never eaten pussy. She’s never had her pussy eaten as well as Katya did, just barely a week ago. Hell, she’s never met anyone who was as eager to eat her out as Katya was. And here she goes, her body aflame with desire and her heart pounding with excitement. She licks up and down Katya’s lips, surprised at how pleasant the smell and taste are to her. She licks all around her lips, then uses her fingers to part them, exposing wet, heated pink flesh, and Katya’s clit, big and swollen. Katya is panting and mewling and trying to buck her hips, but Trixie keeps her firmly in place with her arms hooked around Katya’s thighs. She licks around Katya’s clit, and the bucking gets more intense, then she licks down her inner labia and her entrance where juice is leaking out.

“Yes, fuck.” Katya’s moans are encouraging Trixie, and she wants to hear more of it. She uses her tongue to tease Katya’s clit, and then swirls it around, and then goes back to her clit, and keeps going around in circles. Katya’s moans become unintelligible and her body is covered in a sheen of sweat. Trixie adds her fingers to the mix, still intent on teasing Katya for as long as she can stand it.

Katya’s hands let go of the duvet and come down to Trixie’s head, grabbing her hair tight.

“Trix…” Katya pushes her hips up and lightly pushes on Trixie’s head, wiggling her hips to chase Trixie’s tongue from where it circles around her lips. Trixie’s thighs are shaking with the effort to stay up on her knees and keep her ass upright, and she lies down flat on her belly, feet up, to find a more comfortable position.

Katya’s body is like a live wire, tight and coiled, shivering with each panting breath, bucking with each swipe of Trixie’s tongue. Trixie thinks she can feel her fingers prune inside Katya, and endless flow of wetness covering her whole hand, and she adds a third finger and moans against Katya’s thigh.

“Please,” Katya moans again, and Trixie feels the thrill of the power to mess up Katya to this point. She wraps her lips around Katya’s clit, mimicking Katya’s movements from last week, and flicks her clit fast with her tongue.

“Yes, this… like this… please.”

Trixie moans into Katya’s pussy and keeps on, as Katya’s body tenses even more, shaking and bucking, her soft gasps filling the room, and finally she comes, her shoulders coming up from the bed. Trixie keeps licking Katya’s pussy until her orgasm subsides.

Trixie’s fingers are definitely pruned, and her lips and chin are wet. She grins to herself as she looks up and sees Katya’s chest heaving up and down, her face turned to one side, her hair a mess. She’s spent and beautiful. Trixie finally takes off the constricting corset, rubbing over the dents it’s made at her sides, and stretches her body to sidle up to Katya’s. They’re both hot and sweaty, goosebumps on Katya’s arm that she slings across Trixie’s belly, pulling her half on top of her.

“Holy shit,” Katya breathes, then giggles hoarsely, turning to Trixie to kiss her, not at all bothered by her own juice residue on her lips. She puts her hand lovingly on Trixie’s cheek and looks into her eyes.

“And you’re sure you’ve never been with a woman?” Katya’s mouth is dry and she chuckles and coughs, turning away to hide her mouth against her arm. Trixie laughs softly.

“I am sure,” Trixie responds, kissing Katya’s cheek, then her mouth again, their tongues easily finding a slow, sensual rhythm.

“Such a natural,” Katya coos between kisses. “You deserve a medal for this, fuck.”

Trixie hums, answering all of Katya’s kisses and angling her body to put as much of her skin against Katya’s as possible.

Katya lets go then, untangles one arm and leans over the side of the bed to riffle in her bedside table, coming up with a small phallic shaped toy. There is a glint in her eyes as she holds it in her hand, pulling at Trixie’s thong with the other. Trixie helps her pull the garment down, and follows every move with her eyes. Katya first puts her fingers on Trixie, parting her lips and sliding through her wetness and making her sigh.

Trixie then feels a soft, cool plastic against her, as Katya eases the toy inside her. It feels bigger than it looks, stretching Trixie a little, but it is a pleasant stretch. Katya uses gentle thrusting motions to get it a little deeper inside on each move, while her mouth teases Trixie’s breasts in turn. She nips at the soft skin with her lips, teeth, sucks on her nipples, while Trixie’s pussy feels full and her mouth is gaping. Katya’s hips move against her, leaving a wet trail on Trixie’s thigh, in time with the movements of the toy.

Then Katya presses a button at the end of the toy and it starts vibrating gently, all through Trixie’s lush and up to her belly. QKatya keeps a steady, slow rhythm once the toy is fully inside, and then kneels between Trixie’s legs to look at her. Trixie’s legs are restless, and Katya pulls her knees up and out. She leans down and swipes her tongue over Trixie’s clit, pressing the button again, the vibrating becoming a little more intense. Trixie moans and sighs, feels like her body is floating above the bed, like she’s weightless and could stay there forever.

Katya turns up the vibrator once more and moves it a little faster in and out of Trixie’s pussy, alternating between licking her and just staring at her. Trixie hisses in a breath through her lips, and rolls her hips into the feeling. She’s aching for Katya to lick her again, to give attention to her clit. The vibrations inside her and the sliding feeling of the toy work her up, but are not enough to make her come. She needs the friction elsewhere, and her hand inches over her belly and rests just at her trimmed pubes.

Katya sits up and hovers over Trixie, watching her as she pants, her eyes hooded and dark.

“Touch yourself,” Katya says, voice low. Trixie bites her lip and stares at Katya. She feels unsure, she’s never done that with someone watching her like this, it’s so intimate, so close.

“I wanna see you.” Katya kisses Trixie’s clavicle, up to her neck, her hand between Trixie’s legs still fucking her slowly with the toy. Much too slow for Trixie, tension now building in her belly.

“Go faster.” Trixie barely recognizes her own voice, how hoarse and thick it sounds. Katya complies, thrusting harder, and changes the vibrations once again. It now pulsates, from intense to barely there and then back up to intense again. Trixie closes her eyes and brings her fingers down, rubbing up and down her lips and clit, drawing circles around it.

“Is that good, baby? Do you like that?” Katya’s lips are against Trixie’s sweaty temple as she whispers the words, and Trixie nods, biting her lip. “Tell me.”

Trixie swallows, pants. “So good. Faster. Harder.”

Trixie rubs her clit faster as Katya shoves the toy inside her with long, hard strokes, and she feels the familiar sparks in her abdomen, the coiling of her muscles, the waves of pleasure and warmth spreading from her pussy through her whole body.

“Yes, yes…” Trixie breathes, her head moving against Katya’s shoulder, and she presses her thighs together, trapping Katya’s hand. Katya makes short, hard trusts, Trixie pushes down harder on her clit and moves her fingers in circles frantically, her body writhing. Her orgasm overwhelms her, her breaths leaving her in mewling pants, and she turns to her side, into Katya, as her hips buck through the aftershocks.

“Beautiful,” Katya sighs, and pulls her closer, wrapping her body around Trixie’s.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trixie's Pastor is on point and Joe tries to put his feeling into words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, this chapter is a little sad, and no smut warning, so... I hope you're still into it!! 
> 
> XO

Sunday morning, half past eight is a busy time at the Meyers’ household. Kids run around, a teenager grumbles about it being way too early, and the parents try to feed everyone, keep them clean and get themselves ready at the same time.

Trixie is mostly happy to see Candace in a good mood, smiling and helping her Dad making breakfast for the little girls, while Josh is ready to go despite his grumbling. Trixie has promised him he gets to decide about going to church or not, when he turns sixteen - his dad thinks he should be eighteen, but Trixie has always been pretty confident she could get Josh off the hook earlier.

Trixie had been confident about a lot of things concerning Joe in the past, but things are different now. They have been very polite with each other, he even let her sleep in a little on Saturday because she came home late from Katya’s and woke up with a slight hangover. Trixie has done all she can to be her normal, loving self, to bite down her annoyance and find patience somewhere, somehow, to deal with her everyday life while a storm is raging inside her head.

Joe drives the SUV a little faster than normal to get to the church in time. He’s dressed in a dark blue suit with a grey shirt and golden yellow tie, and he looks good, although these types of clothes show his age a little more than jeans do. Trixie has done her best to match him with her light grey knit sweater dress, which is tight but hits below the knee. The neckline plunges a bit too low for church, which is why she threw on a light yellow scarf, matching Joe’s tie. Her grey, suede pumps complete the look.

They are one of the last families to enter the church, Pastor Sanders greeting them as they all sit down, Trinity in Joe’s lap and Austin in Trixie’s. The church is small, just outside the city, and has been Joe’s church since he grew up. They wave at his mother sitting a few rows in front of them. Trixie knows her smile to Patricia is a little tight, but it is the best she can do, and Patricia barely ever smiles, anyway. She still has no clue what Joe and Patricia discussed about her, and although she’s adamant that he doesn’t need to tell her, it still sits in the back of her mind.

The Pastor talks about the upcoming spring, activities that will be planned at church for Easter, and then starts his sermon. It is based around the humility of Christ and how we must all be humble and serve and respect the people around us. He quotes from Philippians 2.

“And the Bible says; ‘Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others,’” says the Pastor, and he looks around the congregation over his glasses. Trixie swallows and cuddles Austin closer to her, his fat little hands grabbing her scarf.

“I want you all to think about this in the coming week. Are you humble? Are you putting others before yourself? Is there anything that you do in your life that is solely based on your own vanity or to get recognition from others?”

He pauses, and Trixie shifts on the hard, wooden bench, her thighs still a little tender from where she clenched them so hard around Katya’s hand when she tumbled into orgasm on Friday night. Yes, she has definitely been doing a lot of things that serve no other purpose than to please her own desires, although she is quite sure she hasn’t faltered in caring for or respecting others while doing it… apart from Joe, and their marital vows, and their children, and this very Pastor who married them, and maybe even Christ Himself.

At the end of the sermon, Trixie’s face feels flushed and her armpits are wet with sweat. She hopes the generous amount of foundation on her face will cover up her blush, as she stands and gets in line to shake the Pastor’s hand. Joe is talking to his mother in hushed tones, a hand reassuringly on her shoulder.

“Mrs. Meyers, looking lovely as ever,” says the Pastor as he takes Trixie’s clammy hand into both of his, and taps Austin’s cheek. The boy cowers into his mother’s neck with a shy smile.

“Pastor Sanders, thank you for a beautiful sermon,” Trixie smiles warmly at the older man. “I have a little favor to ask, if you don’t mind.” She leans in a little.

“Of course, my dear.”

“Joe and I… we’ve been facing some… challenges. In our relationship, I mean. I was hoping you could talk to him, he’s expressed the need for your guidance to me.”

Trixie feels her cheeks get even warmer when she uses a sort of conspiratorial tone towards the Pastor, before Joe has even had a turn to speak with him, but she’s impatient. She wants the talk between her and Joe to happen sooner than later.

The Pastor squeezes her arm and promises her to make some time for Joe, possibly today. Trixie isn’t surprised when Joe asks her to take the kids home so he can stay behind and talk to Pastor Sanders. The usual post-church visit to grandma has apparently been canceled for today, but Trixie just smiles and kisses Joe gently before rounding up her kids and ushering them to the car.

T: My thighs were still sore in church

Trixie leans over the breakfast bar, the kids scattered around the house playing, the baby down for a nap, and Joe still at church. Katya’s reply is immediate. Their texting is like a near-constant stream of consciousness, picking up whenever one of them has a moment to spare.

K: Poor baby. We have to get your thighs in better shape.

T: Are you suggesting I don’t work out enough?

K: If by work out you mean a shattering orgasm by my hands/mouth/toy, yes

Trixie bites her lip to tone down her wide grin, peeking around at the kids. Candace is lost in a book, the way that only girls can, Naomi and Trinity are engrossed in the Cinderella movie for the umptieth time, and Josh and Austin are in their rooms.

T: Then I agree. I need much more practice.

K: Any time baby. How was church?

T: Challenging. Joe is talking to the Pastor about our relationship. I kinda confronted him last week.

K: About your running a business? Or do you think he’s onto something?

Trixie frowns. That thought hasn’t crossed her mind at all, and she can’t imagine it, but still…

T: I think he’s too caught up in his own things. He can’t stop comparing me to his first wife, the stay at home type. I also asked why we don’t have sex.

K: Wow, ok, and he needed to talk to the Pastor about that? Doesn’t sound good.

T: they’re quite close, it doesn’t have to be bad. At least he took my questions to heart.

K: And what do you hope comes out of it?

“Mama?” Trixie looks up with a start, and sees Candace’s little face close beside her.

“Yes, baby?”

“What’s this word mean?”

Trixie puts her phone face down on the surface of the bar and follows Candace’s little finger, with chipped pink nail polish, to a word in her book; dignity. Trixie wants to roll her eyes at the universe - first humility, respect and vanity, and now this?

“Wow that’s a big one, let me look it up.” Trixie googles the dictionary explanation of the word and reads through it with Candace until she gets the gist of it. Trixie then inspects the book, a fantasy story about witches, elves and monsters, and sees it’s actually meant for ages 14 and up.

“Did you get this at the library?” Candace nods. “You might be a little too young for this, but as long as it’s fun, it’s ok. Just let me know when you have more questions, ok?”

Trixie makes everyone tea or lemonade, and takes out the cookies she made the day before. Even Josh comes down to take part in the snack party, and Trixie watches them munch while mulling over Katya’s last text in her head. She really doesn’t know what she wants the outcome to be. Or actually she does, because she really wants Joe to change his old fashioned outlook on the world a little and accept that she’s a woman with a career, to accept in general that women can have careers, that some women make more money than some men, and that that’s ok. Because she wants the children to grow up knowing that too, she wants the girls to feel like they can become whatever they want, and she wants the boys to regard women with the same respect as she demands from Joe.

She also wants him to understand that women are sexual beings who are allowed to take the first step towards intimacy, and that there’s nothing wrong with that, and it’s not ok to make your wife feel like shit that one time she’s the one initiating intercourse.

But does it all even matter when she’s also thinking only about Katya and when she can see her again? When in the depths of her mind, she secretly thinks of leaving Joe and the children behind and running off with Katya? Of hiding in her arms forever and just… no. She can’t leave the children behind, she’d miss them too much. Katya would just have to accept them.

Trixie’s mouth runs dry and she takes a sip of her tea. Is she actually thinking about… something more, with Katya? Something real?

“Josh, stay here a moment, ok? I’m going to the bathroom.”

Trixie leaves the room before he can answer, and runs upstairs on shaky legs, ducking into her bedroom. She leans on the vanity and looks at her face in the brightly lit bathroom.

“What the fuck,” she whispers to herself. Does she have feelings for Katya? She knows the desire runs deep, she can feel it pooling in her belly even at the slightest thought. But could she be… in love?

There are excited squeals downstairs and Trixie hears the front door opening, assuming Joe is coming home. Her heart is beating fast and her face is white as a sheet under her makeup. Her stomach is fluttering, it has become a constant almost, feeling jittery and nervous and excited. Feeling like every day is a new opportunity, a new chance, and Trixie realises now where it’s coming from. It’s Katya. It’s all Katya, all the time.

Someone stomps up the stairs, someone big, and Trixie panics a little, the fluttering in her stomach turning into nervous anxiety. She runs the tap and lets the cold water run over her hands and pats her cheeks with them. She’s just drying her face with a towel when Joe enters the room and finds her by the vanity.

“Hey, are you ok?” He regards her worriedly, touching her elbow. “You look so pale, honey.” He cradles her in his arms and she sags against him, shaking.

“Yeah, no... I… I’m not feeling so great.” It’s not really a lie.

“Are you going to be sick?”

Trixie shakes her head, taking a deep breath. “I don’t think so.” She puts a hand on her stomach, turning away from Joe’s embrace.

“Why don’t you lie down for a while?” Joe guides her to the bed, and Trixie’s emotions crash over her, a soft sob leaving her mouth as she sits down on the bed. Joe crouches and stares at her. “Trix? What is it?”

He holds her hands and looks at her so shocked, so scared, he cares for her so much and… she’s an absolute monster. She’s a bad person, the worst person.

The door to the bedroom opens then, and Trinity runs inside.

“Mama!” She crashes into Joe, wrapping her little arms around his neck, dropping Trixie’s phone on her lap. “You have messages,” Trinity states, immediately continuing with, “Why are you sad?”

Joe puts the phone on the bedside table and stands, Trinity on his back.

“Mama isn’t feeling so well, darling. She’s going to take a nap. Ok, Mama?”

Trixie nods, wiping at her tears and producing a smile for Trinity.

When they are gone, Trixie curls in on herself on the bed and cries, trying to make as little sounds as she can while sobs wrack through her body. She feels like her life is falling apart, bits and pieces of it crumbling in her hands. She misses the time when things seemed so simple. When Joe was the man of her dreams, when the kids asked her to be their new mama, when her sole goal in life was to fulfil her roles as mother and wife. It may have been a little boring, it may have been problematic with Patricia from the beginning, and her pregnancy had made her so crazy, it had driven her to the brink of her mental well-being. But she had always known what she wanted, what she stood for, where she was going, and why she was doing it. Right? Or had she?

Trixie sniffs, the worst of her crying now over, and she gets up to go to the bathroom. She washes her face, takes her makeup off and wrestles the dress over her head. A few minutes later, she’s dressed in yoga pants, an oversized hoodie and thick socks with her hair in a ponytail. She sits cross-legged on the bed and opens her phone.

K: Maybe that question was out of line, I’m sorry

K: Trix? Are you mad? Or just busy?

K: I hope you’re busy and not angry. Text me when you can xx

K: Just saw Joe come home. I’m here if you wanna talk

K: Babe I don’t wanna be a creep but I’m worried, you’re so silent. Pls tell me if I did sth wrong X

Trixie smiles, tears in her eyes again.

T: I’m not mad, the kids took my attention, but I’ve realized also I don’t even KNOW what I want the outcome to be. We haven’t talked yet.

T: You’ve done nothing wrong and I miss you xxxxxx

K: Ok. I miss you too.

T: Your question got me thinking and I’m so confused. Now I’m dreading to talk to him.

K: Confused how?

Trixie cried again, softly now, hugging her pillow to her body and typing frantically.

T: About what I want from him. When we had that fight I just wanted to change his view on me, my role in this family, women in general, but now idk.

T: now there’s you

It takes Katya a while to respond, and Trixie just sniffs and stares at her screen. Katya starts typing a few times, but then the dots disappear again.

K: I don’t wanna cause you any trouble

Trixie chuckles sadly and shakes her head. Katya has caused a lot of trouble already, but Trixie somehow couldn’t regret any of it. If what she felt was real, if she could actually be in love with a woman, with this beautiful, smart and interesting woman, then she wanted that. She had always believed in love more than in anything else, and love was never wrong.

But she also loves Joe, doesn't she? She has loved him for six years now, and she can’t imagine her life without her family.

T: If there’s gonna be trouble it’s on me. I’m sure he doesn’t know. I just don’t know what to do if he says he wants to make amends.

There is a short knock on the door then, and Joe’s voice softly calling her. Trixie lies down with her back to the door, wiping her face and tucking the phone under her pillow. He doesn’t come in until she answers, and then sits down next to her on the bed.

“How are you feeling?”

“Better. Thanks for letting me sleep.” Trixie pats his hand where it rubs her arm and turns to her back to face him.

“I’ve just put Josh in charge of ordering pizza,” Joe says with a grimace that makes Trixie smile. “So I think we have about five to ten minutes before they start fighting. Do you want to talk?”

Trixie nods, her stomach knotting and her lip trembling slightly. He holds her hand and looks down at it.

“So, I’m sorry for the fight we had about the salon, and I’m sorry about… not sleeping with you.”

Trixie sees it’s hard for him to say this, so she keeps quiet.

“I, uhm…” He lets go of her hand to rub both his hands over his face, and then speaks with his face hidden in them. “I know you’re not Mary, and you can’t be, and… and that my expectations are unrealistic.”

It sounds rehearsed, but he says it. Trixie sits up and puts a hand on his shoulder, encouraging him to continue, but instead he turns into her and kisses her. It’s a chaste kiss, the one that married couples exchange without thinking about it, the sort of kiss that Trixie felt said about when she realized they were doing it, a couple of years ago. But he tries again, kissing her with more pressure as if that would help, and she puts her hand on his face and parts her lips, inviting him to more. The kiss turns a little more intense, but he stops before it can go any further.

“I don’t really know what else to say,” Joe says, looking a little lost. “I… I have to figure out some things, I guess.”

Trixie nods and runs her hand over his face, then through his hair. It’s still thick and brown, just a small smattering of grey at his temples.

“I understand, honey. I think we both do.”

If he only knew how true those words were, and what they really meant. Trixie steels herself to not scream in frustration.

“Just know that you can always talk to me, or ask me anything, ok?” She smiles at him, and he returns it. A piercing scream scares them then, and not a moment later, the doorbell ringing. Joe grasps at his chest.

“Good Lord. That must be the pizza,” he says on a wheeze, and Trixie laughs.

They go downstairs and eat pizza with their children, giving them all their attention, and when the kids are in bed, they tidy up together and go to bed early, saying goodnight with a chaste kiss.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which things escalate quickly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Early because I feel guilty - I'm sorry!! (for the cliffhanger. And also for not editing out all the extra spaces AO3 insists on putting in there. I'm too lazy.)
> 
> Also, I've had a shit week and I'm longing for something positive. Please only comment good things <3
> 
> Your comments are better than Christian Airlines.

The start of a new week makes Trixie feel it’s back to the grind, and it’s not a feeling she likes. She started her own business so she wouldn’t have to feel like being in a grind, in a day-to-day routine that felt boring and draining and made all the days blend together. But here she is, on a Monday morning, rushing off to get the kids to school on time, driving around with Austin to get groceries, doing laundry and cleaning, pick up the kids, drive Josh to baseball, where it’s still very cold at the sideline, despite February being almost over.

 

The only thing that keeps Trixie warm is Katya’s texting. As soon as Trixie says she’s freezing her ass off in her skirt, Katya replies she could write an essay on Trixie’s ass - literally, as well as figuratively.

 

Trixie and Joe are still very polite to each other, she feels like they’re dancing in circles, but she accepts it for now. She doesn’t want to force him to talk because she doesn’t know what she wants to hear.

 

On Wednesday, Joe suggests to reinstall date night. They used to go out every Friday night, just like when they started seeing each other, but put it on hold when Trixie tried to get pregnant and stopped drinking. Trixie’s heart sinks when she agrees to dinner on Friday night, thinking she’d have to cancel on Katya, but it turns out that it’s easily switched to Saturday. Joe will be home and Katya doesn’t mind.

 

On Friday during dinner, Trixie knows she looks good - a tight dress that hugs all of her curves, in a light teal that compliments her hair color, with pumps that make her nearly as tall as Joe. She’s cold all evening, and Joe doesn’t seem all that interested in her boobs spilling out of her dress. Not as interested as the waiter, anyway. She sends Katya a picture of her cleavage during a bathroom break, and their texts turn naughty.

 

Saturday finally rolls around, and Trixie spends a short but blissful time with Katya. They have slow, sensual sex, teasing each other to the brink. Katya comes twice from Trixie’s mouth, and is too spent to even get up from the bed and see her out the door.

 

Trixie and Joe’s polite dance continues for weeks, but Trixie actually enjoys their date nights. It’s great to hang out with him without the kids, as he’s still one of her best friends, who shares her interests and doesn’t mind seeing a sappy movie with her at the cinema. They still don’t have sex, and Trixie is fine with that, too. She visits Katya every Saturday, brings the wine and the cigarettes and sometimes snacks, olives, cheese, and dates that they feed each other naked on the couch while smoking and drinking beer if the store doesn't have the wine Trixie wants.

 

Many thoughts tug at the back of Trixie’s mind, but she’s too busy to pay them any attention - or just keeps herself busy. She plans the big party on the first of May, in the week of Joe’s fiftieth birthday and their fifth anniversary.

 

Katya has just finished two big translation projects which kept her stuck in her house for a while. Although she was very overwhelmed with the intensity of her physical relationship with Trixie in the beginning, she has settled into it now. The one evening a week they see each other is not enough to feed her growing need to be close to Trixie, but she takes what she can get and tries her hardest not to long for what she can’t have - which is all of Trixie, all the time.

 

The day of the party is a Saturday, and Trixie is busy with the last preparations all morning, running around the house while Joe takes the kids to their sports games. He’s brought along Austin, who has taken a leap and is now walking, no, running, all the time.

 

The garden is being set up with tables, tents and an outside fireplace that they all rented, and a catering company will come over later and set up the food and drinks section in the kitchen. The back pocket of her jeans vibrates with a text, and she checks it quickly while moving a large potted plant on the patio.

 

K: Hey baby. How’s it going? Need any help?

 

Trixie smiles at her phone. She hasn’t seen Katya last weekend because two of the kids were sick and she and Joe were both busy cleaning up vomit and taking temperatures. They have been texting even more than usual, and last night it got pretty heated. Trixie had to hide in the bathroom to touch herself while Joe was working in his office.

 

T: It’s going well. If only I had time to have you help me mmm.

 

K: I meant with the party!! Don’t get me started again!

 

T: Haha I’m sorry I just wanna see you so bad xxx

 

K: Shut up. I can’t wait. What time should I be there?

 

Nerves fill Trixie’s body. She can’t wait to see Katya again, but Katya is also going to meet Joe and all of her family for the first time. Of course she knows Trinity, and she’d met Austin recently when they bumped into each other at the store, but mostly they’ve been keeping distance from each other apart from their Saturday night dates. Trixie isn’t sure she’s happy with Katya coming to the party. She actually wants Katya all to herself, but that’s not an option right now. They have to wait another week.

 

T: around 5-5.30 ish would be fine I think.

 

K: I don’t know if I can contain myself and not kiss you

 

T: You better. I don’t know if I can resist if you tried

 

Katya starts getting ready late in the afternoon, putting on the outfit she’d bought especially for the occasion. Although it’s now the first day of May, it’s still chilly, so Katya is wearing thick tights under her new, leather skirt. She wears I with a long-sleeved top with a white flower pattern, paired with medium high ankle boots. She keeps her makeup simple; black on the eyelids, because that’s the only color she has, but faded out into a dark grey, then mascara, and to top it off the new matte, dark red lipstick she got at the drug store the other day. She likes that she has a party today, because it’s also her birthday, and she normally doesn’t do anything special.

 

Katya is nervous as she crosses the street at a quarter past five. She’s only been to the big house once - when they had their fight. She texted ahead that she’s on her way and Trixie is waiting in the doorway when Katya walks up their driveway.

 

Trixie is wearing a light pink dress that almost reaches her knees, with long sleeves and a colorful scarf around her neck. It makes her look a little older, but Katya mostly stares at her hair - it’s big and fluffy and beautiful, and a shade lighter than normal.

 

“Happy birthday,” Trixie says, her smile a little shy.

 

“Wow, your hair…” Katya whispers. Trixie blushes and cocks her head to the side.

 

“I dyed it, do you like it?”

 

“Yes!” Katya steps inside and they look at each other for a moment, their eyes communicating what they can’t actually say or do, but Trixie can’t stand it and hugs Katya, pulling her close.

 

“I’ve missed you,” Trixie whispers, and she only now feels how much. All the jokes and the flirting aside, she’s actually missed seeing Katya in person, and it’s a bit overwhelming.

 

“Same,” Katya says softly, wrapping two arms around Trixie’s waist tightly.

 

They lean back then, looking into each other’s eyes again, and Trixie pushes a strand of hair away from Katya’s face. It’s silent, until someone’s loud laugh in the living room shakes them out of the moment.

 

“Are you ready to meet my family?” Trixie asks, taking Katya’s hands and squeeze them. Katya swallows and nods, although she’s not so sure.

 

In the living room, kitchen and backyard, small groups of people stand together and talk, laugh and drink. The breakfast bar is a feast of bottles, with a server to pour the drinks, and the kitchen is a flurry of activity with two servers preparing snacks and one serving them to the guests. Trixie makes sure Katya gets the wine she likes and then she points out some of the people.

 

“That’s Joe and his mother, there’s Naomi and Candace, I don’t know where Trinity is, Austin is with his auntie Grace, Joe’s sister, then there’s…”

 

Katya looks around at all the unfamiliar faces Trixie points out, and she’s glad when Trinity runs up to her - at least she knows this one.

 

“Miss Katya! Hi!” Trinity looks at her like she’s the person Katya actually came to visit, and Katya shortly touches Trixie’s arm to make her stop rattling off names, then crouches to be eye-level with the little girl. She’s wearing a poofy skirt, white wings on her back and a tiara on her head.

 

“Miss Trinity, I believe?” Katya holds out her hand and Trinity shakes it formally, nodding.

 

“Are you a fairy or a princess?” Katya asks, looking thoughtful. Trinity giggles and does a little dance to show off her outfit.

 

“A fairy princess!” She screams so loud, Katya’s ears are ringing. “Come play with me!” Trinity screams again, and runs off towards the yard, leaving Katya crouched on the floor and Trixie laughing.

 

“She’s a bit excited about all the visitors, but she’ll crash later,” Trixie says and hands Katya her drink.

 

“Thanks for coming to our party, even though it’s your birthday.” Trixie clinks her glass with Katya’s. Katya shakes her head.

 

“I honestly don’t give two shits about my birthday, so thanks for inviting me.”

 

They smile at each other, leaning on the breakfast bar, and Katya wants to drown in Trixie’s eyes. She’s sure the look on her face is sappy and silly, so she straightens, and Trixie also seems to snap herself out of a trance.

 

“Is there anywhere I can smoke?” Katya asks, regarding Trixie over the rim of her wine glass. She needs a moment to let all the surroundings sink in.

 

“Yeah, there’s an outdoor fireplace, you can smoke there and throw the cigarette butts in it. I’ll show you.”

 

Trixie leads the way, but stops on the patio.

 

“Joe is there,” Trixie says softly. “Do you want to meet him now?”

 

“I might as well.” Katya shrugs, and she follows Trixie to the fireplace in a far corner of the garden, where Joe is talking to a guy smoking a cigar.

 

“Joe, I want you to meet Katya. Katya, this is my husband, Joe.” Trixie tucks her hand around the crook of Joe’s arm. She’s been trying her best to not have the family notice something is up between them. Somehow their interaction has gotten better lately, but their intimacy has almost completely disappeared. Trixie knows people are watching them, like her mother-in-law and some church friends who suspect something is going on, so she makes an effort to appear normal. It’s a challenge, but thankfully Joe follows all her hints, and he pats her hand on his arm before holding his hand out to Katya.

 

Joe is a handsome guy, Katya can regard that objectively. His handshake is warm and firm, his eyes crinkle when he smiles and his teeth are perfect. He is welcoming, nice and unassuming, and Katya tries to forget her part in this real-life soap opera for a moment, to push away the  uncomfortable awkwardness around her lover’s husband and family.

 

Trixie and Joe excuse themselves to welcome some new guests, and Trixie looks sorry but Katya makes the ok sign with her thumb and index finger. She lights up a cigarette and sips the cool, white wine, looking around the garden. She meets cold, stark blue eyes, and watches as Joe’s mother says something to the woman next to her, then makes her way towards Katya. She’s a severe looking woman, grey hair pulled back tight into a classic bun on the back of her head, her movements graceful in her formal navy dress and sensible kitten heels.

 

“Hello, you must be Trixie’s neighbor friend?”

 

Katya smiles and nods, moving her cigarette to her left hand to extend her right.

 

“Katya Zamolodchikova, you must be Joe’s mother?”

 

“Patricia Meyers.”

 

The woman nods and shakes Katya’s hand limply, her eyes flitting over Katya’s outfit. Katya pulls her cardigan tighter around her, she’s a little nervous, but not uncomfortably so. She knows she looks nice today, Trixie said so, and that’s all that matters.

 

“So, you’re Russian,” Patricia states. Katya just nods. “Have you lived here long?”

 

“Born and raised,” Katya replies and takes a drag of her cigarette, mindful to blow the smoke away from Patricia, whose eyebrows are slightly knitted.

 

“Well, it was very nice of you to befriend Trixie when she was new here. It was quite a change for her, moving to the suburbs.”

 

“I’m glad to have met her, we really clicked,” Katya babbles.

 

“And how about you, are you married? Do you have children?” Patricia crosses her arms and seems to stare Katya down.

 

“I live alone.”

 

“Oh. Ok. And you… work?”

 

Katya starts to feel she’s in an interrogation rather than a friendly conversation, but somehow she feels ready to accept the challenge.

 

“I do administration at a construction company in town.”

 

They get interrupted after a moment by Patricia’s daughter, Grace, as she comes over with Austin on her arm and Trinity by her side. Grace looks appropriately like a younger version of her mother, although her eyes are brown and her hair isn't gray yet.

 

“Katya, right? So nice to meet you,” Grace says. “I can’t shake your hand because I have to hold on to the fairy princess.” Katya looks down to where Trinity is clinging to her auntie, a frown on her face.

 

“The fairy princess seems to be unhappy?”

 

“Oh, yes. She’s about to implode after all the excitement going on,” Grace says with a laugh. Katya likes her, she’s got a calm presence and a soft demeanor. Maybe that’s why the kids are drawn to her, because Naomi also comes over and hangs around her aunt.

 

Patricia leaves them after a while, and Grace watches her go.

 

“I hope my mother didn’t grill you?” Grace leans in a little closer. Austin is completely caught up in her colorful glass earring, and Katya hopes he won’t pull on it.

 

“Uhm, I don’t think so?”

 

“She can be a little invasive with people she doesn’t know,” Grace says with a wink.

 

“Oh, that’s no problem,” Katya says with a chuckle and throws her cigarette butt in the fire. A server comes by with a tray of snacks, and Katya takes one.

 

“Can you take one for me?” Grace asks, eyeing the little salmon wraps, and she bends down to Trinity. “Sweetie, can I get my hand back now? I want to eat something.” Trinity shakes her head, her golden curls bouncing around, and grasps onto Grace’s arm.

 

Katya sets her wineglass down on a high table nearby and holds out her hand.

 

“Take mine, so your auntie can have a snack.”

 

Trinity looks up, frowns, looks at Katya’s hand, and then latches on.

 

Little Austin has been silent on Grace’s arm all this time, but is now eying the food and reaches out with a chubby little hand. He’s not very talkative, but he makes a sound that indicates his excitement. Grace solves it by shoving the whole thing into her mouth at once, making Katya laugh out loud. Grace holds up her thumb while she munches on the delicious treat, and Austin looks at her mouth, confused.

 

Katya talks to Grace for a while, Austin in her lap, babbling along, and Trinity in between them where they sit on a large sofa on the patio. A young girl, who introduces herself to Katya as being the babysitter, comes by and takes Austin at some point, to feed him his dinner inside.

 

“Oh, you found some good company!” Trixie appears on the patio with a tray of snacks and drinks, holding it out to the other women, receiving cheers in thanks, and then flops down on the sofa besides Katya.

 

“Which one of us is the good company?” Katya questions, purposely crossing her legs to give Trixie more space on the couch. Grace snorts and bites into a little cheese snack, cocking her head to look past Katya at Trixie.

 

“Actually, both of you,” Trixie says, smiling wide. She leans back on the couch and sighs. “I’m already exhausted. How late did we say it would last again?”

 

“Your invitation said around midnight,” Grace reminds her, and takes a sip of coke.

 

“Fuck,” Trixie says under her breath.

 

“Trixie Meyers! Language!” Grace waves her finger at Trixie, and Katya caps a hand over her mouth to muffle her laughter.

 

Trixie turns to Katya then, their faces close.

 

“Are you ok? I felt bad for leaving you alone for so long.” Her hand rubs Katya’s arm, and although Katya can’t really feel it through her thick cardigan and long sleeved shirt, it still excites her Trixie is this close and touching her. It’s been way too long.

 

“I’m great,” she assures Trixie. “Just. Well.” She doesn’t elaborate, just looks pointedly at Trixie’s lips, then her breasts, then back into her eyes. They sparkle.

 

“I know,” Trixie whispers, squeezing Katya’s arm. “You wanna see the rest of the house?” Trixie then asks Katya in a normal tone.

 

“Oh yes! I want the whole tour, please.” Katya takes a little stack of French cheese on a cracker, puts it in her mouth and stands, looking at Grace.

 

“I’ve seen it, it’s big, it’s beautiful, I got jealous,” Grace says, waving a hand. Trinity is curled into her side and yawns as if to make a point. Trixie gives her sister-in-law a look, then loops her arm through Katya’s and pulls her along.

 

“She’s great,” Katya says when they enter the house through the open sliding doors in the kitchen.

 

“Yeah, she really is, and a bit of a rebel. Imagine Patricia’s reaction when Grace announced her divorce.” Trixie speaks softly, he eyes bugged out comically and Katya giggles. She holds Trixie’s arm tight against her side, the contact innocent to onlookers, but precious for both of them.

 

“Ok, so, you’ve seen this, right. Kitchen, living room. Lots of great appliances, blah blah.” Trixie waves her arm around the kitchen and quickly makes her way to the hallway. “Stairs. Lots of rooms.” Trixie wiggles her eyebrows at Katya, and lets her arm go to lead the way up, swaying her hips as she climbs the stairs. Katya hums approvingly as she follows.

 

Upstairs, most of the doors to the kid’s rooms are open, showing a mess of colors and toys. Naomi’s room is mostly teal, Trinity’s pink, Candace’s pink but a little more muted, with some throw pillows on the bed. She sits between the pillows with a book and headphones on, and Trixie puts a finger on her lips.

 

“Book worm?” Katya whispers. Trixie nods with a fond smile. Joshua’s door is closed, and a sign on the door tells everyone to KEEP OUT!!!!

 

Trixie takes Katya’s hand and pulls her into the master bedroom, where it’s dim, with the curtains drawn and no lights on. Trixie closes the door and pushes Katya against it. Katya is disoriented in the dark, but she feels Trixie’s breath on her face before their lips meet, and Trixie’s body pushes against her. They both sigh, Katya’s hands running up and down Trixie’s back, one settling on her ass, the other under her hair, on her neck. Trixie licks at Katya’s lips, pushes her tongue inside, greedy, like she wants to drink from Katya.

 

“Baby,” Katya breathes between kisses, kneading Trixie’s ass.

 

“I wanted to kiss you so bad,” Trixie replies, pressing more little kisses to Katya’s lips, her cool hands on Katya’s heated face.

 

“It’s been too long. Two weeks is too long.” Katya moans when Trixie pushes her hips into her.

 

“I know, I know. Maybe I can get away for a bit tomorrow.” Trixie looks at Katya, her eyes shining in the darkness of he room.

 

“Fuck, I hope so.” Katya squeezes Trixie’s soft hip. “What’s with this dress, you planned to kill me?” She slides her fingers over the soft fabric, the fit so tight she can feel all of Trixie’s curves.

 

“Maybe,” Trixie smiles slyly. “I also bought something else this week.” Trixie lets go of Katya and walks into her closet, flicking on the lights and rifling around, coming up with a small paper bag. She opens it to let Katya look inside, and Katya is confused at first.

 

“What is it?” Katya sees something black, fabric, she reaches out but Trixie snatches the bag out of her grasp and pushes it back in the drawer.

 

“Underwear.” Trixie shrugs.

 

“Black? You bought black lingerie?” Katya stares at Trixie, who bites her lip and looks up from under her lashes.

 

“With red hearts on it.”

 

“Show me,” Katya says urgently, trying to find the bag in Trixie’s messy underwear drawer. Trixie giggles and pulls her away.

 

“Ah ah! No! It’s a surprise!”

 

They grab each other and giggle, leaving the closet. Katya turns to the door, but Trixie stops her.

 

“Let’s look in the mirror before we go. That red lipstick is sexy, but I bet it stains.”

 

They stand side by side in the bathroom, leaning over the vanity, touching up their makeup. It’s not as bad as Trixie thought, actually her pink lipgloss has been worse than Katya’s cheap matte lipstick. Trixie decides she can go without lipgloss, and just wipes everything off, while Katya wipes away some stickiness around her lips.

 

“I guess my lipstick passes the test, huh?” Katya smiles at Trixie’s reflection.

 

“It does. That means we can sneak more kisses.” Trixie leans over and they kiss again, and in the bright light of the bathroom, Katya peeks over to the mirror, watching Trixie kiss her with her eyes closed.

 

They have been blissfully unaware of Austin, who has been crying downstairs for a while, angry with his babysitter, pushing Gramma away, even Auntie Grace, until Daddy decides it might be bedtime. He takes the little boy on his arm, the wailing draining into a whine, and carries him up the stairs.

 

Joe changes Austin’s diaper easily, and the boys yawns. He fusses bit when Joe puts his pajamas on him, but when his head hits the pillow, he’s barely even protesting, and Joe leaves the room quietly and quickly.

 

At the top of the stairs, Joe changes his mind and decides it’s time to put on a sweater over his button-down shirt, it’s getting chilly outside. He strides over to his bedroom quickly, and opens the door, surprised to see a light on in the bathroom and hearing voices.

 

As the girls giggle and kiss each other gently one last time before going downstairs, Trixie’s hand already by the light switch, her other holding Katya’s, Joe appears in the doorway and gasps audibly.

 

“Trix…”

 

Katya lets go of Trixie’s hand and takes a step back, her eyes widening at Joe so much, her vision blurs at the periphery. Trixie’s mouth is instantly dry, her stomach twisting with a nauseating panic.

 

“Joe, I… I was just showing Katya… around.” She’s aware of how her voice cracks, how completely ridiculous her words sound, as Joe has clearly seen that their lips were locked.

 

Katya looks down, trying to control her breathing, then up at Trixie. Her face is pale as a sheet, her hands knitted together in front of her.

 

Joe stares at Trixie, incredulous, his face a grimace of disbelief.

 

“Did you… were you…” Joe points between the women, who seem to take more distance from each other with each second that passes.

 

Trixie steps back and leans against the vanity for support. She opens her mouth, but doesn’t know what to say. She can see Joe’s thoughts processing on his face.

 

“I… I, we… uhm,” Trixie stutters, wringing her hands. Joe takes a step back and rubs his hands over his face, then looks at her again.

 

“You were kissing her,” he says softly.

 

“I…” Trixie’s throat is closed off and she holds her breath, trying to hold down the sob that’s bubbling up.

 

“Yes.” Katya’s voice is soft and low, and Joe’s face jerks to her, as if he’d forgotten she was there.

 

“We kissed. I’m sorry,” Katya offers, a pleading look on her face. Her hands are balled into fists by her sides, and she refuses to cry or get angry or let her panic get the best of her. Trixie sobs then and hides her face in her hands.

 

“What’s going on here?” Joe asks, his hands now on his hips, his demeanor changing from surprise and shock to agitation. Katya swallows and takes a breath, but can’t seem to form words.

 

“Are you two… a thing? Are you a lesbian?”

 

Katya nods, keeping her eyes locked to his. He stares at her with his mouth open.

 

“For the love of God, can one of you just speak?” He sounds frustrated now.

 

“I’m sorry,” Katya hurries to say, and gestures between her and Trixie, “We, like… it just…”

 

It just happened. It’s the lamest thing to say, but it’s true. But Katya doesn’t want to say that, she refuses to use cliches to describe what’s going on with her and Trixie.

 

“We were friends, but it has become more than that. We… I… I’m in love with Trixie.”

 

Joe leans against the doorframe, looks at Trixie as she finally moves, wiping her cheeks and sniffing.

 

“Joe, I’m sorry. Please. I… we… I’m sorry.”

 

“Ok. Well. Ok.” Joe pushes away from the doorframe and paces the length of the bedroom.

 

Katya can’t look at Trixie, afraid she might cry too. She wants to pull Trixie into her arms to console her, hold on to her, afraid that if she leaves, she’ll never see her again.

 

Joe walks into the closet, pulls out a sweater and puts it on.

 

“We have to get back to the guests. Honey, fix your face and come downstairs, please. We’ll talk about this later. Katya… I think it’s best if you go home.”

 

He’s not making a scene, he’s being an adult, and Katya is in awe of how calm he is. He leaves the room then, switching on the lights in the room and leaving the door wide open.

 

“Fuck. Fuck.” Katya whispers, sinking down to the floor, on her knees, breathing fast, her vision completely blurry, as Trixie sobs softly.

 

“Are you ok? Ka-Katya?” Trixie asks, a soft hiccup in her throat, and he crouches beside Katya, a hand softly rubbing her back. Katya breathes deeply in and out, and nods, then slowly stands. They hold hands and look at each other.

 

“I better go.” Katya’s face looks pained, she doesn’t want to leave Trixie alone, she wants to say so many things right now, but she doesn’t want to deny Joe’s request.

 

“I know. Please, just… I’m sorry,” Trixie rambles, squeezing Katya’s hands.

 

“I love you,” Katya says softly, picking up one of Trixie’s hands and pressing a soft kiss to her knuckles.

 

Then she’s gone.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trixie and Joe are being adults, sad adults, and Katya has to wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are UNHhhh-mazing, honestly, your comments were so so good. I love how invested you are, thank you <3
> 
> There's not much Katya in this chapter, or progress in their relationship, but sometimes we need a transitional chapter and that's this. I hope you like. 
> 
> Next Wednesday I'll be travelling to Dublin where I was supposed to see Katya perform, which isn't happening now as we know. Since I can't cancel my trip, I'm still going (and London a week later), but it will be weird. It's gonna be a sad little trip, but I'm still excited to see the city. If anyone has any travel tips for Dublin, let me know...

Consciousness creeps up on Joe Meyers early Sunday morning, and even before he’s really awake, dread seeps into his bones. It’s the day after the party, the day after he caught his wife kissing her lady friend in his home.

_“Do you wanna talk?” Trixie’s voice is soft and hoarse behind Joe when he closes and locks the sliding doors to the yard. He sighs in an attempt to get rid of the nervous agitation coursing through his body, and turns around._

_Trixie feels beat, and knows she looks it. She stands by the sink, leaning against it, her arms wrapped around herself. Her eyes are swollen and her face is blotchy._

_“I don’t know what to say, Trixie. What do you want me to say?” Joe stands a few feet away from her. Trixie shrugs and looks at the floor._

_“I’m sorry,” she whispers._

_“What the hell were you even thinking?” Joe’s voice is tight, a loud whisper in the bright kitchen. Trixie shakes her head. Tears come again and she wipes them away roughly. Joe takes a few steps until he’s right in front of her._

_“Look at me. What were you thinking?”_

_“I… I didn’t… I didn’t think anything.”_

_"_ _No, you didn’t. You didn’t think about your children, how it would be for them if they found their mother suddenly kissing some woman in her bedroom. Any of them could have walked in on you, do you realize that?”_

_Trixie stares at him, her mouth open and tears run down her face in steady streams._

_“I’m sorry.”_

_“Are you? Are you sorry?”_

  _Joe grabs her now, and Trixie gasps and cowers as his fingers dig into her arms. He shakes her a little, willing her to look at him, and her fingers grasp his sweater._

_"I have never seen anyone with this little respect for their family, Trixie Mattel. Never. What you have done is the lowest thing anyone could do and I never expected, I’ve never thought…”_

_He lets her go then, confused and shocked at his own aggression, and rubs his hands over her arms whispering apologies. Then he turns to walk away._

_“Joe! Don’t go, please, let’s just…”_

_“We’ll talk tomorrow.”_

Joe keeps his eyes closed and listens closely to the sounds of the house. The room is dark, the curtains are still drawn, but he can tell it must be time to get up. He’s alone in the bed and hears voices in the hallway, Trixie and Naomi, but he can’t make out what they’re saying. He waits until the sounds die down, then gets up. He’s barely slept a few hours and his clothes are in a messy pile on the floor. He picks them up and goes into the bathroom.

Joe knows today is going to be difficult. He knows there’s going to be A Talk. He knows it’s going to be a pain to go to church and face some of the people they saw last night. He knows his mother knows something’s up. Joe knows a lot of things, and right now, he wishes he didn’t.

Trixie knocks on the door and calls out, but there’s no answer. She hears the shower running when she steps into the room, and takes the moment to breathe deeply in and out. She opens the curtains and makes the bed. The shower turns off and Joe’s electrical toothbrush is buzzing.

Trixie’s heartbeat is erratic, her hands sweaty. She hasn’t slept much, it was cold on the couch and she was worried the kids would find her. She’s made good use of her time though; the house is tidy, she’s dressed for church, and all the kids have already eaten their breakfast.

Joe steps out of the bathroom and their eyes meet, Trixie’s wide and shocked, Joe’s a little bloodshot.

“Hey. Is everyone ready?”

“Yes. There’s breakfast for you, if you want,” Trixie says, her voice soft.

Joe nods and goes into the closet, starts putting on the suit Trixie’s laid out for him. It’s a medium grey, tailored suit, the shirt white and the tie maroon, in the same shade of Trixie’s outfit. He hears her feet shuffle on the carpet as she comes to stand in the doorway.

“Grace said she can take the kids to your mother if we need some time alone.”

Joe’s head whips to look at Trixie, and she cringes a little under his eyes.

“She knows?”

“She knows something’s going on. Not what it is.”

Trixie can’t hold his pained gaze and looks to the floor.

“Josh asked to go to a friend, we can take Austin here, and Grace can take the girls.”

“Ok.”

Joe sits down on the little in bench in the closet to put on his socks and shoes. His chest is tight with the familiarity of this scene - him putting on the clothes his wife laid out for him, matching her outfit, while she talks to him about their plans for the day. Except this time, their plans don’t involve visiting family or friends or doing anything fun with the kids.

Trixie and Joe are silent in the car, the kids filling the space with noise. He looks at her from the corner of his eye, and sees her bite her lip, wring her hands, stare out the window, her face sad. His heart hurts with every beat and his hands are cold, the knuckles white from gripping the wheel so tightly.

The sermon seems to take longer than usual, and the Pastor looks at Joe worriedly when they shake hands afterwards.

“Joseph, is everything alright?”

“Not really,” Joe croaks out, careful to not let anyone hear. “We’ll work it out, hopefully.”

“Ok, son. Call me if you want.” The Pastor pats Joe’s shoulder and then turns to the next parishioner.

Trixie is exhausted when church is finally over. She feels like she can sleep standing up, in spite of the uncomfortable heels she’s wearing and Austin wriggling on her arm. Her makeup feels cakey and her eyes are dry. She waits outside for Joe, the kids trailing around and talking to their friends. Joshua comes over to say goodbye, elated that he’s allowed to go with his friend to play video games, and kisses her cheek.

“Thanks, Mama.”

“Bye, punk. Call me if you need a ride!” Trixie calls after him, and he raises his hand while jogging over to his friend and his parents. “Byeeeeee puk!” Austin calls after him.

Grace’s car turns into the lot then. She stopped going to church when she got divorced and re-evaluated her life, deciding she didn’t need a church to feel spiritual.

Grace knew immediately that something was up when Trixie returned to the party, her face pale and her eyes red, even though she reapplied most of her makeup, and Katya nowhere to be found. Trixie said she couldn’t talk about it, or she would cry, and things were bad, and she and Joe needed to have some time alone. Grace offered to take the girls for the day without a second thought and without asking any questions.

She regards Trixie seriously, rubs her arm, and Trixie just shakes her head, the loving gesture almost enough to send tears spilling out of her eyes.

“Are you sure you wanna take Austin home?” Grace asks, pinching his chubby cheeks. He giggles and imitates the gesture on her cheek, saying “Gaaaaase”, which she has accepted as her name.

“Yeah, it’s ok. It will be time for his nap soon, anyway,” Trixie replies. She bounces the boy on her arm a little, shifting her weight from one aching foot to another. Joe finally appears then, the girls in tow. They say their goodbyes and pile everyone into the right car, and then they are driving again, Austin’s babbling the only sound in the car.

Joe takes off his tie as soon as they enter the house and makes coffee while Trixie kicks off her shoes and sets up Austin with his toys. She makes him a bowl of peeled apple slices, that he’ll probably play with more so than eat them, but she can’t find it in her to care about the mess he’ll make.

Joe sits down at the breakfast bar, the central point in the home, connecting the living room to the kitchen and the kitchen to the yard. Everything looks good and tidy, apart from all the rented stuff that’s still outside. The company will come to pick it up tomorrow morning.

“Ok, so.” Joe’s gruff voice cuts through the silence and Trixie’s heart jumps. “I have some questions.”

Trixie nods, looking up at him from under her lashes.

“That wasn’t the first kiss, was it?”

Trixie shakes her head.

“How long?”

“A… while.”

“Since when?”

Trixie shifts in her seat.

“January.”

He stares at her, but the look on his face doesn’t change.

“And you’ve… is it… more than kissing?”

“Yes.”

Trixie hears how weak and thin her voice is and she clears her throat. The hot, strong coffee doesn’t go down easy, her stomach is upset and tight, and she pushes the cup away. She can’t stand how slow he’s going, how long he pauses between his questions.

“I’ve been having an affair since late January. An actual affair. I’m sorry. I feel horrible that you had to find out this way.”

“But?”

“What?”

“I can hear there’s more. Go on.” He sips his coffee, looking at her. Trixie sighs and wipes her clammy hands on her skirt.

“Things have been… we, have been…” She sighs again and stands up, pacing the floor beside the bar, the floor cold under her stockinged feet.

“I’ve been unhappy, Joe. I didn’t really realize how long I’ve been unhappy until I met her. That’s why I confronted you a while ago, to try and… I don’t know, just… change something.”

“Was that about her?”

“No,” Trixie hurries to say. “That was about us. It worried me that you wouldn’t sleep with me, and I was angry with your comments about the salon.”

Joe bites his tongue to not say, oh this again, and rubs a hand over the back of his neck. His muscles are tight.

Austin coughs from the toy corner of the living room, and both of them look over, but he’s just sitting there and squishing the apple slices to mush in his little hands. He’s fine.

Trixie stands before Joe now, her arms crossed, her face looking like she could cry any moment.

“Actually, I don’t really need to know all the details, Trix.” Joe gets up and goes to the coffee machine, refilling his cup.

“The only thing that’s important to me is, where do we go from here?”

She stares at him and doesn’t know what to say. He sits down again, his body heavy and slow. The coffee isn’t kicking in yet, and he feels like maybe his level of tiredness can’t be helped with coffee.

“I don’t know?” Trixie says, and it sounds like a question.

“I have to apologize, too.” Joe looks into his cup as he says this, and Trixie can see his face getting tighter. Her heartbeat has been loud in her ears all this time and she sits down beside him to hear him better.

“I think… it’s awful what I’m going to say now, and I never wanted to tell you this, but… I think I made a mistake marrying you.”

Trixie heart stops altogether, all the color fading from her face. Her hands are ice cold and trembling.

“What? Is that your conclusion after last night?” Her mouth is so dry, her voice is barely audible.

“No, no…” Joe turns to her. “No, I’m sorry, that came out wrong. Trix…” he grabs one of her wrists as tears roll down her cheeks.

“I do not regret marrying you, or falling in love with you, or having that little boy over there. I don’t. It’s just… my… my motives were wrong.”

She looks up at him, sobbing softly, and then it clicks in her head.

The first time Trixie came to Joe’s house, there were no pictures on the walls. He’d taken all the old photos down and was in the process of replacing them, because he couldn’t stand to see pictures of Mary. When Trixie finally did see her, on a picture Candace showed her in her room, she was struck with the beauty of the woman. She had blonde, curly hair, blue eyes, and… she looked almost exactly like Trixie. Apart from the blue eyes and the slightly more curly hair, they could have been twins. She had Trixie’s body type, her slender hands, the length of her hair and how she wore it, the shape of her face…

“Why do you think that?” She asks him, wondering if her assumptions are correct. Joe’s face turns into a grimace.

“I hoped I would never have to tell you this,” he whispers.

“It doesn’t matter, we’re here now. It’s already a mess,” Trixie says and wipes at her eyes. He drains his coffee and thinks for a moment.

“I think I fell for you so quickly because you reminded me of her. Not just your looks, also your demeanor, your kindness. It struck me, and… and then I wanted you to be my wife. After that first cup of coffee, I wanted to marry you.”

Trixie clears her throat and swallows. Joe’s wife had only been gone for a few weeks when they went out for coffee. She had been ill for a while, only to find out she had ovarian cancer halfway through her last pregnancy. It was a complicated, advanced tumor, and the doctors had given them very little options. Mary herself had decided to leave the decision to God, and did not have any treatments that could harm the baby. Trinity was born a healthy, blushing baby, but Mary didn’t survive giving birth.

“When I told my old friends we were getting married, one of them said that I should be careful. It was way too soon and you were probably just marrying me to give your kids a new mother.”

He looks up at her, and his silence confirms it, and Trixie sniffs again.

“I’m very honored to be their mother, Joe, but can’t live in a fake marriage. That’s a whole different subject than what happened last night, really.”

“Oh, I don’t know.” Joe looks into his empty coffee cup. “Maybe if we’d had a happy, passionate marriage, you wouldn’t have been interested in someone else.”

He has a point, and Trixie nods.

“So…” Trixie says softly.

“We both fucked up.”

Her eyes widen at his choice of words. In her shock, she laughs, and he smiles tiredly at her.

“I’m sorry. We screwed up?”

“Yes. That we did. I’m sorry, honestly.”

“Me too.” He turns on his stool to face her and scoots closer, taking her hands in his. “All I could think of last night was, I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want to lose what we have. But then I’m thinking, what do we have, really?”

“We have a beautiful family, on the outside. But on the inside, our marriage is dysfunctional and our lives are… boring?” Trixie dares to say it out loud now, and he smiles sadly.

“Yeah. I guess that’s it. But I don’t know…” He comes even closer and stares directly into her watery eyes.

“Do you want to be with her? Katya?”

Trixie swallows. She’s been running away from this question in her own mind for months now.

“I… I don’t know.”

“She loves you.”

“I thought you wouldn’t accept her if you knew she was a lesbian,” Trixie says, rushed. Joe frowns, his hands still holding hers.

“I don’t really care about that, honestly. My mother pressures me to condemn it, but Grace has tried to undermine that.”

“Grace has tried to modernize your views on the world since she learned to speak,” Trixie says with a chuckle, and Joe laughs with her.

“Trixie,” he says then, serious again. “If you love her, you should be with her. I don’t care that she’s a woman, I would have said the same if you had an affair with a man. This marriage is… I didn’t ask for your hand with the right motivation. I love you, but I think…”

“You were more in love with the idea of me?” Trixie adds when he can’t find the words. He nods and she sees his eyes shimmering with tears. Trixie stands and wraps her arms around him, as he breaks down and cries into her shoulder.

“I feel awful when I think of giving all this up,” Joe says with a thick voice after a moment, still holding onto her. “But I think…” He leans back then, hands on her shoulders. “I think we have to agree and accept that it’s over?”

Trixie nods, and her stomach twists painfully. They hold each other and cry, until Austin starts to cry also, and then they let go quickly to console their little boy and kiss him.

Joe runs his fingers through Austin’s hair while Trixie holds him and rocks slowly from side to side.

“Ma-ma,” Austin says, a sob in his voice. He’s nearly two and still talks very little, but Trixie’s convinced he’ll catch up soon.

“It’s ok, baby,” Trixie whispers to him, her lips on his forehead.

“Obviously we did one thing right,” Joe says, looking lovingly at his son.

“We absolutely did. I’m gonna put him down for his nap.”

Trixie ascends the stairs and Joe follows her.

“Maybe Mommy and Daddy could also do with a nap.”

“Oh please. I’m dead on my feet.”

The first thing that Trixie does when Austin is in bed, is take her phone out of her bra and text Katya. She texted her last night, that she was sorry, and would come back to her as soon as she and Joe had talked. She hadn’t really had time or peace of mind to text her since then.

T: We talked. This marriage is over. It’s a mess. I didn’t really sleep so gonna nap now.

K: Omg I’m so glad to hear from you. Are you ok? Is there anything I can do?

T: I’m good, we’re good, I wanna hold you rn but I can’t. I need some sleep. I’ll let you know when I can come over xxx

As any couple that’s been married for a while, Trixie and Joe don’t really need a lot of words in most situations. They both change into comfortable clothes and lie down on the bed, the door open so they can hear Austin.

Joe is half asleep when he reaches out behind him with his hand, pulls at Trixie’s sweater. She reaches back to touch his hand.

“We can still do another thing right,” he says softly. She hums. “We can end it right.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trixie and Joe have made a decision, and now they have their work cut out for them to work towards that. Trixie tells Katya that she needs some time to get her life in track, and Katya makes a promise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe get some tissues for this one.
> 
> Your responses to the last chapter have overwhelmed me, OH WOW. I love you all <3 There was one misunderstanding I wanna clear up, someone commented they thought the last thing Joe said at the end of Chapter 13 meant he wanted to have sex with Trixie. Maybe I worded this wrong, but NO, no sex was had. Joe’s intention is to work out their split in a good way - to end it right. 
> 
> I also got a question if I have a Tumblr, yes, I’m chantiemaya there also. Twitter: chantiemaya79 Insta: chantiemaya
> 
> Last but not least (sorry for the long note)... this story is getting close to the end. I think it’s gonna be 17 chapters. But I’d love to know if there’s anything you’d like to read from that I didn’t put in the story. Any different POV from a certain chapter? Any future take? Any back story? Anything else that wasn’t mentioned in the chapters? Let me know your suggestions in the comments and maybe I can use it.

Katya’s first work day of May starts with her being at work way too early, after a tumultuous weekend in which her sleep schedule became screwed, her heart was broken but then sort of mended again, and she’s in a weird state of being rested and feeling like crap at the same time.

She sets out two boxes of muffins on the table in the break room and prepares two large pots of coffee for the guys. She opts for tea for herself, because she’s already too alert and jittery and needs to calm down rather than energize.

It’s barely half past six when Katya starts up her computer and scrolls through emails while sipping hot tea. She likes to be at work early, when there’s no one around and she can work in silence. Her bosses don’t mind what time she starts, as long as she’s there during the day when they need something from her.

Katya’s cell phone is on her desk, mocking her with its silence. She hasn’t heard from Trixie since she texted that she was ok, although her marriage seems to be over. Katya doesn’t know what happens now and she’s afraid to think about it, that’s why she went to work early when she couldn’t sleep anymore. Sitting around worrying has never solved any problems, she knows that, although she still indulges in it sometimes.

On the other side of town, in the big house opposite Katya’s building, Trixie also stares at her phone where it’s on the counter in front of her. She’s preparing lunches for the kids with Austin puttering around at her feet. He’s walking quite well, but sometimes he’s just lazy and still likes to move around the floor on his butt, shoving himself forward by moving his legs.

Trixie can’t count the times she’s cried this weekend on one hand anymore. She was already crying this morning when Austin woke her up, screaming Ma-ma! Ma-ma! He was so happy to see her, jumping up and down in his bed, pulling at the bars like a prisoner waiting to be released. He’s so happy, and she felt so sad, because the world as she’s known it for a long time is no longer the same.

She and Joe slept in the same bed that night, which is not as bad as it sounds as the bed is enormous and big enough for three kids to sleep between them, but still. Trixie felt extremely self-conscious and even wore a full pajama set instead of some flimsy nightgown or T-shirt.

They hadn’t talked much after Austin woke them from their nap on Sunday. Joe went to get him dressed and took him to play outside, while Trixie busied herself with the laundry and started on making dinner. Grace drove the girls home and Trixie asked her to stay for dinner. She felt a need to talk to someone, someone who was outside all of it, and Grace seemed a good option. But then Trixie had to pick up Josh from his friend’s house, and they all had dinner together and it was a good time, and Grace helped Joe clean up, and then suddenly Grace was gone and Trixie was sad.

Trixie wants to talk to Katya so bad, but also, not. She doesn’t know what to say or what to expect. Katya already knows Trixie and Joe decided to call it quits, but she didn’t really comment on that so Trixie doesn’t know what happens next. She breaks out in a cold sweat every time she thinks about what she actually feels for Katya and what that means. Where that would lead.

It takes until lunch for Katya to decide she’s tired of waiting and she picks up her phone while eating leftover pasta in her office. She knows Trixie usually doesn’t work in the salon on Mondays, and she scrolls to Trixie’s name in her contact list. Her finger hovers over the call button when a text comes in.

T: Hey. Are you on break yet?

K: Yeah I wanted to call you, can I?

T: in 10 mins

Katya eats, writes a few emails and watches the clock. She waits eleven minutes to be sure, and then calls. Trixie sounds winded when she answers.

“Hey, thanks for calling, I just had to put Austin down for a nap,” Trixie says as she answers the phone.

“No problem. Uhm. Hi?”

“Hi.”

Katya breathes in deeply, not sure what to say.

“How are you?” She tries. Trixie sighs.

“Ok, I guess.” Her voice is hoarse and thick, Katya can hear that even through the phone, and Trixie breathes again.

“Are you, baby?” Katya asks gently, and then a sob sounds on the other end.

“I’m sorry. No. I’m not. I’m not ok.”

It’s taking Trixie a lot of effort to speak, and she puts the phone down on the kitchen table where she’s sitting, setting it to speaker so she can cover her mouth with her arm and wipe away the tears that seem to explode from her eyes.

“Oh Trix…” Katya bites her lip to keep it together, while putting on her coat with one hand. She hadn’t realized she needs to smoke for this conversation.

“I’m sorry,” Trixie croaks, muffled. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, baby. It’s ok. We can talk another time if you want?”

“No! No. I wanna talk. I wanted to talk to you so bad.”

Trixie sniffs and wipes her nose with a piece of paper towel, staring at Katya’s name on her phone screen. She hears how Katya walks outside, hears a door slam, traffic rushing by and the click of a lighter, then the inhale when Katya takes a drag of her cigarette.

“I was so worried about you. Wanna tell me what happened?”

Trixie clears her throat, sniffs again and breathes slowly to try and stop her sobbing. 

“I tried to talk to him when the guests left, but… well, we couldn’t talk. He was angry, I was sad, we didn’t know what to say.”

She tells Katya roughly what they talked about on Sunday after church.

“And then, he said, that… well. He said that…”

Trixie sighs and sniffs again and Katya closes her eyes. She’s leaning against the wall in the parking garage next to the workshop, a cool breeze freezing her fingers clasped around the phone.

“H-he said that if I loved you, I should be with you. And that he’d have said the same thing if I had an affair with a man.”

Katya’s eyes fly open and she stares at the concrete floor below her. She sinks down the wall, crouching, hunched over.

“Trixie…”

“No, listen, Katya… I’m sorry. I don’t know what… I feel like, I don’t know anything. I just know that… well. I miss you.”

Trixie’s voice is small and wobbly, and she bites on her hand to muffle the crying, her body shuddering.

“Baby, we shouldn’t talk about this over the phone.” Katya stands up and drops her cigarette butt in the metal bucket of sand that’s placed next to the entry door for that purpose. Trixie hums a reply.

“I miss you too. I wanna see you, and kiss you and hold you. I don’t know anything, either, but we’ll work it out. Ok?” Katya isn’t sure how she can keep her voice this steady, how she’s not freaking out, how her heart hasn’t yet jumped out of her chest.

When they’ve said their goodbyes, Trixie lies her head down on her arms and cries. Katya goes into the bathroom at work, washes her hands and face with cold water and takes deep breaths. She has to see Trixie, as soon as possible. But then what? Does Trixie want to be with her for real? Does Katya want that? She’s not sure she can even do it. A good part of their affair was perhaps that Katya didn’t feel pressured into it getting too serious and making hefty declarations and plans for a future together, even though she sometimes felt like she never wanted to let Trixie go home.

Katya had already said she loved her, to clarify to Joe that this thing, whatever it was, was real, that it was very real to Katya. And she said it again, looking straight into Trixie’s brown eyes, she said it, and she didn’t break down and her world didn’t fall apart.

That night, when Katya is already in bed, her phone buzzes with a text.

T: Had a good talk with Joe. He’s calling our lawyer in the morning.

K: I’m so sorry

T: Don’t be, it’s for the best. We wouldn’t have lasted much longer anyway.

K: I’m here if you need me

Trixie feels lost and needs Katya very much, but right now she’s getting ready for bed and texting from her closet while Joe is in the bathroom. He’s also taken on the new habit of wearing full pajamas in bed. It’s a little bit silly, and they don’t discuss it, but they both also started to close the bathroom door when using the shower or even when brushing their teeth.

They get in bed and Joe turns off his light right away and says goodnight. Trixie hesitates.

“Uhm, Joe?” He hums a reply, burrowed under the duvet.

“Would it be ok if… uhm. If I… visit Katya tomorrow? Just to… like, talk to her?”

Trixie hates how unsure and small she sounds, and that she’s even asking, but now that guilt has swallowed her up, she wants to walk around Joe on her tippy toes and avoid any disturbance of their peace.

Joe turns his head to look at her over his shoulder.

“You think that’s a good idea right now?”

“I just need to talk to her for a moment. Just… tell her what’s going on. If that’s ok with you.”

“Ok. I guess she’s worried about you?”

“Yes. So I thought I could go there tomorrow once all the kids are in bed. I won’t be long.”

*

Katya leaves work early on Tuesday because she can’t really focus anymore. She never leaves early, she’s never sick and she rarely takes any days off, so her bosses are more than fine with it. She rides the bus before rush hour, gets groceries on her way home and makes an early dinner. Trixie hadn’t said what time she’d be there, but Katya wants to be prepared.

Trixie turns up around eight, after asking in a text if it was ok to come over. That text makes Katya feel a little sad. Like there is somehow more distance between them, in which Trixie feels the need to ask if she can come over.

They look at each other for a moment when Katya opens the door, and it’s suddenly awkward and different. Katya steps aside to let Trixie enter, and Trixie does so without looking at Katya. Trixie isn’t wearing a jacket, just a cardigan and a big scarf, which she holds in her lap where she sits on the edge of the couch.

“Can I get you anything? Tea…” Katya trails along the coffee table, thinking she could do with something a lot stronger right now.

“Uhm, a glass of water?”

“Sure.”

Katya wracks her brain when she’s in the kitchen. What the hell has happened? Why are they suddenly so distant and weird, when they were all over each other not three days ago? She feels it in the air between them, the vibe that Trixie gives off makes her want to stay away. Katya has always given Trixie the space to make the first move, or not, in any intimate situation, or tell Katya what she wanted or didn’t want. It’s never right to assume, even if you’ve already been with someone, that they want to be intimate all the time.

Katya sees the tension in Trixie’s body when they sit on the couch together. She has her hands in her lap, fingers grabbing her scarf, her shoulders straight and one leg slightly bouncing.

“So…” Katya says in the silence. Trixie looks up shortly, smiles tightly and looks back down at her glass.

“Ok, I’ll go first.” Katya sits up and turns her body to Trixie. Trixie looks scared, eyes wide and leaning back a little.

“I’m sorry,” Katya starts. Trixie shakes her head but doesn’t look at her. “I’m sorry for the mess that you’re in now, I’m sorry I tried to seduce you in the first place, I’m sorry for how angry and confused you must feel right now.”

Trixie bites her lip and keeps staring down.

“But it was also the best thing I’ve ever done,” Katya almost whispers. Trixie looks at her from under her lashes, peeking up at Katya’s face. Her cheeks are warm and her eyes glassy.

“I’ve never met anyone like you, that I’ve had such a connection with, or that I’ve felt so safe with. I know it’s super awkward now, and probably for a while, but… I just… I’m here. I want you to know that. I can wait, and I’ll be right here.”

Katya is softly crying now, her hands fumbling with the fabric of her knit sweater. Trixie doesn’t know what to say and a sob bubbles up in her throat. She knew it would be too much to ask to go a whole day without crying. She hides her face in her hands.

“I’m sorry,” Trixie chokes out. “I’m sorry, I can’t…” she hiccups and can’t speak, and it breaks Katya’s heart. She scoots over on the couch and sits next to Trixie, wrapping an arm around her loosely. Trixie’s body still feels stiff and she trembles a little.

Trixie turns to Katya then, eyes closed, breathing deeply to get calm, and unwinds her hands from the scarf in her lap. When she opens her eyes, they search for Katya’s, and her hands move forward to take Katya’s hand, and she smiles through her tears.

“I need some time,” Trixie says softly. “I’m a mess.”  
Katya nods, rubbing her thumb over the back of Trixie’s hand.

“We have to… arrange things, and I can’t… I don’t think it’s ok to keep seeing you while we do it. I mean, to keep…”

“I understand.”

Trixie sighs.

“Ok. Thank you.”

Katya shifts on the couch then, closer to Trixie even, and touches her hair with her free hand.

“Can we still talk? Or text?”

Trixie smiles. “I’d like that.”

Katya nods and smiles. “Can I… hug you?” She opens her arms and Trixie hesitates for a moment, but then flings herself at Katya, nearly knocking her over.

“I miss you so much,” Trixie whispers, and Katya hums, tears spilling out of her eyes again. Her heart is racing with the intensity of if all, having Trixie close, smelling her, feeling her, and feeling her pain.

“I’ll be here, I promise.”

They lean back and Katya holds Trixie’s face in both hands, pushing her hair away from her warm face.

“I don’t wanna let you go,” Trixie chuckles through her tears, rubbing her hands up and down Katya’s arms and pulling her closer again.

“Lie down,” Katya says, and Trixie does, and Katya is the big spoon on the small couch, throwing the pillows on the floor. One of her arms is under Trixie’s neck, the other around her waist, and Trixie holds onto that hand, holding Katya close to her.  
They don’t say anything, they just stay there for a while, until Trixie feels her time is up. They hug again in the hallway, and Katya kisses Trixie’s lips gently, a chaste, soft kiss, and Trixie holds her breath and squeezes Katya’s hands in hers.

Katya leans her back against the door when Trixie’s gone, slides down to sit on the floor, knees up and her arms around them. She knows what they said, she recalls Trixie’s exact words, but still feels like she’s lost her today. As if the last couple of days were a cruel suspension between their past and future, and now it’s over.

It’s not over, it can’t be. Katya promised to wait and Trixie said she’d come back. Katya sighs and pulls at her hair a little. She has to keep it together. She has to be strong, and wait like she promised, and then Trixie will come back.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joe and Trixie imerge themselves in the legal side of their separation and then tell their family - Joe’s mother is not impressed. Katya and Trixie both struggle with the distance between them and fail to keep it up for one short moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SURPRISE! I finished it. I wrote the last chapter last night and decided to speed up my posting process. Thank you, awesome ppl, for supporting me with your amazing comments, chatting to me on Tumblr and giving your heart to this story <3 I stan all of you.
> 
> PS I'm still open to suggestions. Hmu.

In the second week of May, Trixie and Joe have an appointment with their lawyer. The firm has handled all of their family’s legal issues, from their testaments to the adoption and Trixie’s business.

The children are the only part of this that really worry Trixie. They don’t know what’s going on yet, which is why she’s now on her way from her salon to the lawyer's office in the middle of the day, while normally the lawyer comes and meets them at their house. Trixie is worried for their reaction, their pain, their disappointment, and if they even want her to be their mom still. She knows legally it won’t be a problem - she’s their adoptive parent and the divorce won’t change that. But how will the kids feel?

Joe is already in the waiting area when Trixie arrives, and he stands up to give her a kiss on the cheek. Their lawyer’s secretary invites them into the office and offers them coffee.

“Joe and Trixie Myers, it’s been a while,” says Michelle Visage as she gets up from her chair. She shakes their hands and points to the meeting table on the other side of the room. “Tell me about your decision.” Michelle looks at them over the rim of her glasses, pen and paper in front of her. Joe looks at Trixie.

“Well, some things happened, and we…”

“We decided it’s for the best.” Trixie finishes his sentence and then adds, “To get a divorce, I mean.”

Michelle nods.

“I’m sorry to hear that. Do you want me to represent the both of you?”

They both nod. The secretary brings in the coffee and disappears again.

“Ok. So we have two spouses who already agree on what their next step is. We call this an uncontested divorce, which means we can do it as quick and painless as possible. You don’t have to stand against each other in court.”

Trixie breathes a sigh of relief. She kind of knew from her short online research that it shouldn’t be too complicated, but it’s nice to get it confirmed.

“Now, the things we need to discuss are the legal parts; the business, the money, the house, other assets, and the kids. Have you spoken about these things yet?”

Joe leans forward a little.

“We have, although I’m not sure we’ve covered it all. Our nuptial agreement states that we both keep our respective businesses and their profits. So, Trixie keeps her salon and I keep the profits from my freelance registration. The thing about purchases, we’re not sure what to do with that, does that include the house?”

Michelle explains to them how the law sees these things and that it’s really mostly up to them how they want to divide all of their assets. Joe wants to keep the house and buy Trixie out, and she wants to be the sole owner of her salon and buy him out, since he was the second party to help her finance it.

Michelle asks, they answer, and she writes.

“And the kids?”

“Shared custody,” Trixie says, with a peek at Joe. He nods.

After an hour and a half, Michelle has a good idea of what they want and says she’s ready to draw up the documents. She’ll send them a detailed list of things they need to specify beforehand, such as the practicality of their shared custody and splitting up their assets.

“So, I guess we have some work to do,” Trixie says as they stand on the sidewalk in front of the lawyer’s office. Joe nods.

“Not to mention, tell our kids and family.”

Trixie crosses her arms and clicks one heel on the pavement.

“I’m worried about the kids, Joe. How should we go about this? A family meeting type of thing?”

“Yeah… I think so? And maybe sooner than later? I don’t want them to find out on their own or hear it from someone else.”

Trixie nods. “Let’s discuss it tonight, I have to get back.” She stands on her tiptoes to kiss him, and he looks at her for a moment, until she realizes what she’s doing.

“I’m sorry, I…” she shakes her head and kisses his cheek, then turns around and walks in the direction of her salon.

Trixie is shaken up for the rest of the day, but she knows she’s doing the right thing, even though it won’t be easy.

*

T: We told the kids tonight. My heart is broken.

K: Shit I’m sorry. How did they react?

T: As we expected, Josh was angry, Candace and Naomi cried and Trinity was excited about sleepovers.

K: You got everything worked out then?

T: Mostly. Just the financial stuff is tricky, so we’re going back to the lawyer with a draft. We have to talk some more to the kids as well. Candace asked if I didn’t want to be her mama anymore :(

K: It’s super hard for them now but I’m sure they’ll manage. They have the best parents. How about you and Joe?

T: He’s sleeping in his office now, it was too awkward to share a bed. We’re going to talk to his mom and sister tomorrow, that should be fun.

*

“I already knew you were making a mistake when you married her, Joseph.”

Patricia Meyers is standing in the middle of her living room, fuming with anger, and she points a bony finger at her son.

“Mom…” Grace says, but doesn’t get a word in.

“I told you, didn’t I? I told you beforehand that this woman was the wrong choice. You should’ve gone out with Phil Mckenna's daughter.”

“Mom!” Grace tries again, louder this time. Patricia whips her head around.

“You are out of line. Trixie is right there.”

Trixie is beside Joe on the couch, her face red and her eyes prickling with tears. It’s pure frustration that’s made her upset, even though she knew this would be a shit show.

She hadn’t been able to deal with the anxiety of meeting Patricia, and had called Grace at work that morning. They in Grace’s office for lunch and Trixie spilled her guts to her sister-in-law. She told her about the divorce, about the kids, and eventually, also about Katya. Grace was shocked, but accepting, and promised to be present that evening when they planned to tell Patricia.

Joe stands up from the couch, his face sad and serious, and approaches his mother.

“Mom, it doesn’t really matter what you think.” He says it softly, with more control that Trixie expected from him, and she looks up.

“I love Trixie, and she’s made me very happy, but ultimately, it’s not working out. It’s none of your business why or how.”

“It definitely is!” Patricia yells. “She’s been around my grandchildren for years, and now she’s walking out on them.”

Joe sighs and looks down, hands on his hips. Trixie almost can feel the anger rolling off him.

“Mother…”

“I hope you’re taking your kids back.”

“Mother! That’s enough!” Joe’s voice booms through the room and Trixie nearly jumps up from the couch, the carefully held in tears falling down. Grace is next to her now, grabbing her hand.

“We don’t need your judgement, or your opinion on anything. Our children will be fine, and Trixie is an excellent mother, and she will continue to be that for them. If you don’t agree, that’s your problem.”

Patricia stares at him, mouth open.

“You can’t be serious.”

“As a heart attack.” He turns to Trixie. “Lets go, Trix, I’m done.” He holds out his hand and she takes it.

In the driveway, Trixie breaks down crying, and Joe pulls her into a hug.

“I’m sorry, honey. I knew she’d be difficult, but this…”

“Is this what you fought about with her when Candace overheard?” Trixie asks, loosening herself from his embrace and wiping her cheeks.

“No. Well. That was about your salon.”

Joe backs the car carefully out of the driveway and lets out a heavy breath when they’re on their way. Trixie feels her tension dissipate the further away they are from the house.

“I’ve always tried to keep peace with my mother, and now I don’t even know why. She doesn’t care about anyone but herself, and how others see her.”

“She’s only critical of me because of other people’s judgement,” Trixie says.

“Exactly. And that’s pathetic, to be in your seventies and still care about gossip.”

“Thanks for standing up for me.”

He looks at her shortly. “Of course. I meant what I said, you are a very good mother. Better than she wants to admit.”

*

K: I miss you xx

Trixie’s heart jumps at Katya’s text, and then clenches painfully. It’s been a month since they’ve seen each other. She somehow didn’t even run in to Katya at the store or on their street, as if the universe had a hand in keeping them apart.

Trixie is in her office, and it’s about twenty minutes before her next appointment. She’s interviewing applicants for the salon, as they’ve been doing so well, and Trixie wants to work less hours. She bites her lip as her fingers hover over her phone.

T: I miss you too babe. Don’t you need a haircut?

Katya is probably on her lunch break, because she replies immediately.

K: I totally do! I look horrible! Say when.

Trixie checks the schedule of the salon. She has to work on Saturday because they’re short-staffed, but her first appointment isn’t until ten.

T: Can you make it really early on Saturday? Like 8? I’ll have 2 hrs.

K: I’ll be there. Can’t wait to see you. You don’t actually have to cut my hair.

T: Well what would we do for 2 hrs?

K: I’m sure we can think of sth XXX

*

When it’s finally Saturday, Katya is nervous when she’s getting ready for the day. She takes a shower, doesn’t wash her hair but rinses it out and combs it down a little, and puts on one of her favorite dresses. It’s denim and short and cute, and she wears it with black pantyhose because the weather looks promising.

She’s at the salon a little before eight and texts Trixie like they agreed. Lights flip on inside the store, and Trixie hurries to the front door with a bundle of keys in her hand.

“Hi,” Katya says, and it sounds like she’s sighing, but she can’t help it, Trixie looks beyond beautiful. She’s kept the lighter hair color, has toned down her usual makeup and is dressed in pink slacks and her salon blouse. Trixie’s smile is shy and Katya feels like she could melt into a puddle right there, but then Trixie takes her hand and pulls her through the store, all the way to her office, and Katya is sure she’s already melted.

“You want coffee?” Trixie says, standing in the middle of the office, still holding Katya’s hand. Katya shakes her head and takes a step closer. Trixie’s breath halts, Katya hears it, and they stare into each other’s eyes.

“Can I kiss you?” Katya whispers. Trixie bites her lip, hesitates, looks from Katya’s eyes to her mouth and back.

“I… I don’t know…”

Katya comes closer still, and lets go of Trixie’s hand to put both her hands on her waist. She’s wearing heels, and Katya is in her Dr. Martens, and she has to reach up.

“Say no.” Katya challenges her, and Trixie sighs, her breath wafting over Katya’s face.

“No,” Trixie breathes, but then closes the only inch left between them and presses her lips to Katya’s. Katya’s fingers dig into Trixie’s sides where she grabs her shirt to pull her as close as possible, and she opens her lips, nipping and licking at Trixie’s mouth.

“I’ve missed you so much,” Katya sighs.

“Me too.” Trixie leans back and strokes two fingers over Katya’s cheek. “I kept going back to that little grocery store but I never saw you.”

“Oh baby.” Katya smiles and hugs Trixie close, burying her nose in her soft hair. “I’ve been so busy, lots of work came in.”

“Come sit,” Trixie says, and pulls Katya to the couch with her.

“You’ve cleaned up,” Katya says, looking around. The office looks tidy and cozy, no piles of paper, clothes and dirty dishes.

“Yeah. Took me ages, but now it looks good. I’m hiring a new manager, so I’m going to have to share this office with someone.”

They sit down on the couch and cuddle up. Katya can’t stop touching and kissing Trixie, her hand sliding over the soft fabric of her pants, up to her belly and then her breasts. Trixie gasps against Katya’s lips when Katya gently squeezes one boob.

“I really wanted… to cut your hair,” Trixie pants between kisses. Katya has now slung one slender leg over Trixie’s lap and Trixie’s fingers touch her calf through the black pantyhose.

“I don’t give a shit about my hair.”

They kiss until they’re breathless, and Katya is in Trixie’s lap, grinding her hips into her, Trixie’s hands on her ass, under her dress.

“I want you so bad.” Katya is sweating and panting and her panties are soaked through.

“I know, babe, I… we can’t…” Trixie takes Katya’s lower lip between her teeth and pulls a little, making her moan.

There is a slam of a door, and both freeze.

“It’s almost nine, everybody’s coming in,” Trixie says, and Katya flops back onto the couch.

“Fuck, I’m so wet now,” she breathes into Trixie’s ear.

“Shut up.” Trixie gets up and giggles, straightens her clothes and steps into her shoes. She holds her hands out and pulls Katya up from the couch. “Come on. Let me do your hair and we can talk a little.”

Trixie washes Katya’s hair thoroughly. She loves to massage Katya’s scalp, see her close her eyes and smile, and shift in her seat a little. She daydreams about the two of them in Katya’s bedroom, how Katya once rubbed oil all over Trixie’s body and massaged her. Or that one time when they ate Oreos in the bed and Trixie licked the crumbs off of Katya’s breasts.

They talk while Trixie cuts Katya’s hair at a station all the way in the back of the salon, where they have a little bit of privacy. Trixie tells Katya about the progress in the paperwork for the divorce, it’s a mountain of paper they have to fill out and a lot of details they have to agree on.

“We submitted the first draft to the lawyer now. We have to wait for her reply and then probably modify it once or twice.”

“How long will it all take, you think?”

“She said it usually takes three to four months to get the documents ready, and a few weeks to get a court date. When the judge approves it, it takes four months until it’s final.”

“So a while, still. How are things with Joe now?"

“Pretty good, actually. The worst part is the kids. The oldest ones are moping, the little ones cling to me like I’m about to run away and never come back.” Trixie shakes her head sadly.

They say goodbye a little later with a long hug, softly whispering promises to keep in touch, and then Katya’s gone, and Trixie has to put on a smile and greet her next client. Her stomach is tight with nerves and sadness, but work distracts her for the rest of the day.

*

It takes Trixie and Joe about three months to finalize the papers, and by that time it’s the middle of summer and they have to wait a little longer for a court date. They’ve worked out a system for their shared custody, where the kids will stay in the house and Joe and Trixie will take turns living with them. They don’t feel good about having the kids travel back and forth, or breaking them up, and they both want to see them as often as possible. They can both get away with cutting down on their work hours, now that Trixie’s found a good manager for her salon.

Their court date is set in early November, and Trixie remembers it’s about a year after they moved into the big house, where she met Katya on the moving day. It all seems very far away, but also like it was yesterday that she first laid eyes in the petite blonde from across the street. Trixie was intrigued, looking out for her whenever she was in the neighborhood. She rarely saw Katya, but Trinity brought it up when they ran into her in the library, and Trixie took the next opportunity to talk to her. Katya had something sad about her, something that made Trixie want to put an arm around her, but she also had those striking blue eyes that looked so vibrant and curious.

*

On a cold November afternoon, Trixie zips up her down jacket, standing in the living room of her new apartment. She’s surrounded by boxes and half-assembled furniture, but she thinks she can get everything done this week. She takes one last look in the hallway mirror, takes a deep breath, and then she’s off to the courthouse to cut ties with her husband.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katya and Trixie have fallen into a friendship over the many months it took Joe and Trixie to get divorced. They both struggle with the distance, and it's awkward, but Trixie decides to invite Katya for dinner in her new apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pro-tip: Kleenex.  
> You guys are seriously so fucking awesome, I can't.   
> Just one more after this.

Trixie is cutting hair. She’s just dyed it hot pink and her client is ecstatic about the color, and now she wants a trim. Her hair is long and beautiful and Trixie looks at the color longingly. Can a mother of five pull off pink hair? Or is that very desperately I-just-got-divorced-and-I-need-a-change? Would Katya like it?

Trixie’s heart speeds up a little at the thought of meeting Katya in about half an hour at a little cafe down the street from the salon. She’s always excited to meet Katya, but in the last couple of months it was sometimes taxing to just sit and talk to her and drink coffee rather than cuddle with her on the couch in her tiny, cute apartment. Trixie has missed those nights more than she has admitted to Katya. Or to Joe.

Today is the first day of Trixie’s two weeks alone in her new apartment, and then she and Joe will switch - she’ll go to the big house and stay with the kids for two weeks, while Joe goes to the apartment and stays there, alone, in the room Trixie’s setting up for him. They will keep doing this for now and see how it goes, although they promised the kids they’d celebrate Christmas together.

As soon as Trixie’s client leaves, she rushes to her office to change her work blouse for a baby pink, off-the-shoulder sweater with a glittery embroidery of a unicorn, and her sensible loafers for high-heeled, hot pink suede ankle boots. She grabs her jacket and leaves through the front door, promising the receptionist to be back in an hour.

When Trixie and Joe started taking steps toward getting divorced, Trixie needed time and space and Katya was completely understanding. She had been patient, although she hadn’t expected it to take all of seven months for them to complete the process, and her relationship with Trixie has changed. They are no longer lovers, haven’t kissed each other on the lips since that one time at the salon, and behave like friends who don’t meet up often - even though they live across the street from each other.

Katya has picked a table by the window, a little booth with soft pillows on the benches. She sees Trixie arrive and stands to wave her over when she walks in. They hug, and Katya breathes in the spring flowers Trixie still wears. Katya has learned that it’s Pleasures by Estée Lauder. She’s bought a tiny, travel size bottle that she keeps in her bathroom and sometimes sniffs when she misses Trixie. 

“You look good.” 

“How’ve you been?” 

They start talking at the same time and laugh, and Trixie puts her hand over Katya’s on the table. 

“I’m good, actually.”

“I can tell.” Katya turns her hand to touch her palm to Trixie’s, but slides it away when the waitress approaches them with the menus.

“So… it’s done?” Katya asks while reading through the lunch options. She peeks over the edge of the menu and meets Trixie’s eyes doing the same thing.

“Yeah. It still takes one hundred and twenty days to become final, but… that’s a technicality.”

Katya puts the menu down. 

“How do you feel?”

Trixie shrugs. “It’s a mixed feeling, I guess. I’m glad the whole thing is said and done, because it took forever, but I’m also still sorry that we failed.”

Katya nods in understanding. The waitress brings them their drinks and they order, Katya the burger and Trixie salmon, and fall into silence a for a moment. 

“I got an apartment,” Trixie says with a little smile, leaning forward on the table. 

“Oh, that’s awesome, congratulations! Where?”

Trixie explains it’s barely a block away from the big house across Katya’s building, and Katya is happy that she hasn’t moved far away. 

Katya feels like something is going on with Trixie, like she’s working up to something, but it might be nothing. She looks so good, rested and happy and excited, but Katya somehow senses that she’s nervous. They generally stopped being nervous around each other when they stopped closing the door of the bathroom when peeing after having sex in Katya’s bed or on her couch, but they’ve slowly gone back to awkwardness.

It was a tough road for Katya to accept the renewed distance between them. She has managed to maintain her routines and stay sane, and her outlook on life has changed since she met Trixie. There have been no emotional breakdowns, no anxiety attacks, and no days in bed staring off into space for months now, and Katya is proud. At the ripe old age of forty-two, she has her life under control and is more confident than ever. She’s even taken the step to attend classes at the local community college to become a certified translator in Russian. She might follow it up with French, too. But there is a big hole in her life, which wasn’t there before she met Trixie. She never missed being with someone when she was alone, and being with someone somehow always seemed harder than being alone.

“How are your studies going?” Trixie’s voice takes Katya out of her musings at the same time the waitress bring them their food. Katya unwraps the cutlery from the napkin and smiles brightly, explaining that she feels like she’s learning Russian as a foreigner. 

“I kinda am, I mean, I didn’t grow up there, I only spoke it at home with my family. Turns out I still have a lot to learn. It’s very interesting.”

The food is good, the conversation is light, and a while later they say goodbye in front of the salon with smiles and hugs. Katya leaves for the bus stop, and Trixie watches her walk away. She changes into her work clothes in her office and then greets her next client. Trixie makes conversation while washing the woman’s hair, but her mind drifts off. There’s a fire in the pit of her stomach and an ache in her heart, that both grew during the lunch with Katya. She somehow wishes she could go back to what they had before, when they shared something so special, so real, and still so small. Small, because it was just between them, a secret they didn’t talk about to anyone but each other. Trixie feels they can never go back to that, and she only now realises that she’s mourning it. The loss of that short time when it was all new and exciting, exploring each other and what they had, although they never said it out loud. Trixie never answered Katya’s declaration of love, right in front of Joe, and her stomach twists painfully when she thinks about that moment. 

I love you, too. 

*

Katya has classes on Tuesday and Thursday evenings. One day they’re studying Russian, the other is about interpreter skills. It’s not easy to process all the information the teachers throw at her after a long work day, but learning new things gives her such a boost that she’s sailing through it. When she’s on the bus home on Thursday night and turns on her phone, there’s a text Trixie sent while Katya was in class.

T: Hey what’s up? Wanna meet this weekend?

Katya takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. Is this the moment where they try to get closer again? Or is it just a friendly hanging out type of thing? Why is this so complicated now?

K: Sure! Just got out of class. What did you have in mind?

T: Dinner at my place on Sat?

K: Sounds good! What time? Can I bring anything?

Katya sighs again and stares out into the dark city passing by. She feels like they’re in a play, or a soap series, or whatever other fake scene they’re playing. Just like when they said goodbye after their lunch, their smiles felt forced and the hug stilted. Careful, as if their relationship is made of glass and it could break any moment when one of them says something… real. 

Maybe now is a good time to say something real, when she’s at Trixie’s for dinner, Katya thinks on Saturday when she’s getting ready to leave, putting down a bottle of wine beside her purse on her tiny dinner table. There’s a pile of clothes on the bed and her closet is a mess. Katya rarely feels like she has nothing to wear, because she mostly just wears whatever is comfortable or looks cool to her. She stopped worrying about other people’s opinions a long time ago, and she’s never felt like she had to dress up for Trixie - and whenever she did, she did it because she liked the outfit and it made her feel good to put in some extra effort. Right now she feels like she’s getting ready to do another scene in a play, and it annoys her. 

A few streets away, Trixie looks around her living room. She’s got all her furniture installed now, all her things are unpacked, and the second bedroom is almost ready for Joe when they switch places next weekend. It’s been a hard week for Trixie, being mostly alone, missing her kids, missing the family life. She hasn’t lived alone in so long, and when she did, it was only for a short time just before she met Joe. She’d lived with roommates mostly before they met, and then when she did live alone, there were often friends around and staying over.

The apartment looks cozy now and she’s prepared most of dinner. She hurries to her bedroom to look in the mirror again, fussing with her hair and regarding herself from all sides. She’s wearing one of her favorite outfits, a tight, pink dress with leggings underneath and ample cleavage. Maybe it’s too much? She wants to look good, but not scream ‘please fuck me right now’. Or maybe she does. She brings her wrist to her nose, smelling her perfume, the one that Katya loves. The sound of the doorbell scares her half to death, and she quickly makes her way to the intercom in the hallway. She presses the buzzer and feels her hands getting sweaty.

There’s a soft knock on the door, and Trixie waits a few seconds, breathing deeply, before opening it. 

“Hey!”

Katya looks good in tight black jeans, and when she takes off her coat it reveals a black and purple checkered flannel that she wears open over a black tank top. Her hair is fashionably messy and there’s just some mascara on her lashes. She kisses Trixie on one cheek and hands her a bottle of red wine, then looks around while hanging up her coat. 

“This is a cute plae,” Katya says while walking through the hallway, then into the living room. The actual living is on the right, a cosy space with a couch, chair, rug, TV, and some plants and candles. On the left is the dining table, opposite the open kitchen.

“Thanks. It was fun to decorate it.” Trixie stands in the middle of the room, holding the wine bottle and watches as Katya looks around. Katya sits on the couch and runs her hand over the cushions.

“This is really nice, very comfortable.” 

“Shall I open it?” Trixie holds up the bottle and Katya nods. 

Trixie’s fingers fumble to open the bottle and pour the wine. She keeps telling herself it makes no sense to be nervous, this is Katya. Katya has seen Trixie naked, has shared orgasms with her, she knows everything there is to know about Trixie. Or, she used to.

“How was your week?”

Katya tries not to cringe visible after hearing herself say that. She sips her wine and smiles at Trixie, wondering if she’s also uncomfortable, and then wondering why she didn’t ask her that instead of being lame.

“Good, a little weird being alone here. The girls call or text every day.”

“Oh, that’s sweet. You must miss them.”

The kids are a good topic, Trixie thinks. She can talk about them without wondering what the hell to say or feeling forced to make conversation. 

“I do, it’s going to take some getting used to. Last night my phone rang with Trinity’s number, but she put Austin on the phone. That made me cry.” Trixie sighs and pulls some lint off of her dress. “It takes time, I guess.”

Katya nods thoughtfully. She doesn’t know what to say, but Trixie talks about Candace’s amazing soccer career, and Katya just has to listen. When Trixie asks how she’s doing, she talks about her classes and work, nothing deep. And she still doesn’t know why she’s being so fake. 

Trixie has made pasta with pesto and chicken with a salad on the side and it’s absolutely delicious. Conversation flows a little easier during dinner, as does the wine. 

“Joe didn’t talk to his mother for months after we announced our divorce. She went ballistic.” Trixie pushes her plate away and drains the last of the wine in her glass. 

“I’m kinda not surprised,” Katya says with a chuckle. “I didn’t exactly feel an overwhelming warmth when I talked to her.”

Trixie makes a face. “I don’t think she has any warmth in her. They’re on speaking terms now, but he doesn’t leave her alone with the kids. He caught her talking shit about me.” 

Trixie stands and stacks up the plates and the cutlery. Katya walks with her to the kitchen, bringing the leftovers of pasta and salad. She watches while Trixie puts the food in plastic containers.

“Really? What did she say?”

“I don’t know, he wouldn’t tell me. He’s being very careful talking to me, only good topics, mostly about the kids. Nothing… serious.”

“Maybe for the better.” Katya turns on the tap and rinses the dishes. Trixie takes them from her and puts them in the dishwasher. It’s domestic and Katya feels the awkwardness coming back. Maybe she didn’t have enough wine.

“Do you want more wine? I can open another.” Trixie stands by the refrigerator and holds up a bottle of white.

“Did we finish the other one?” Katya dries her hands on a kitchen towel and frowns. Trixie’s smile is wide as she nods and puts the bottle on the counter to open it. 

“You can smoke on the balcony, if you want,” Trixie says. 

“Ok. If you don’t mind?”

Katya puts on her coat before stepping out on the balcony. There’s a small wooden table and two chairs, and she sits down. Trixie joins her after a moment, wearing a thick vest and bringing two glasses of wine.

“It’s nice and quiet up here,” Katya says softly, looking up at the dark sky.

Trixie hums, takes a sip of wine and then wrings her hands in her lap. Katya hears her deep intake of breath before she speaks. 

“I’ve missed you.” 

Katya takes a second to close her eyes at Trixie’s words, then turns her head to look at her. 

“Same.”

Katya leans her elbows on the table and takes a drag of her cigarette. Even in the dark, with just some light from inside reflecting on her face, she can see that Trixie is nervous. She’s almost squirming in her seat, picking on her nails and avoiding Katya’s eyes. 

“What is it?” Katya’s voice is low, and Trixie’s heart beats in her throat. 

“I just…” She looks up shortly, Katya’s eyes seem to glow in the dark and Trixie quickly looks down on her hands again. “I don’t know when we got like this.” She whispers it, and Katya leans in.

“Awkward?”

A hint of smoke hits Trixie’s nose and she forces a little smile and nods. 

“I hate it.” Katya’s voice is also low and soft, and Trixie looks up with big eyes.

“I’m sorry.”

Katya frowns. “No. I don’t mean… you don’t have to say that.”

Trixie takes a cigarette from Katya’s package on the table and Katya gives her a light. She inhales carefully, it’s been a while, and closes her eyes at the sting in her throat. 

“I’m really glad you came,” Trixie says. The small smile on her lips looks more real to Katya.

“Me too. I don’t wanna be awkward with you.” Katya moves her hand across the table and holds it out, palm up. Trixie’s hand is cold when it connects.

Trixie bites her lip and looks at their hands. I love you, kiss me, hold me. She can’t say the words, but she wills Katya to understand, stroking her fingers along her wrist.

The silence isn’t uncomfortable, as they smoke and hold hands, but a million thoughts swirl through Katya’s head. 

“Trix.” Trixie looks up, meets Katya’s eyes. Katya longs for that look to hold something else than dread, or nerves, or whatever it is that makes Trixie look like a deer in headlights every time Katya speaks.

“Why am I here?”

Trixie’s mouth falls open and her grip on Katya’s hand loosens.

“Because I wanted to see you.”

Katya doesn’t answer, just looks at her for a moment.

“Do you remember what I said when I was at your house for the first time?”

Trixie swallows and nods. 

“You don’t wanna be friends,” Trixie whispers. Before Katya can answer, she adds, “I don’t want that either.” 

Trixie’s throat closes off and her eyes sting with tears. Katya’s eyes widen.

“Trix,” she says again, their eyes still locked, Trixie’s now shining with tears. She feels her cheeks heating up, probably bright red. Her hand holds Katya’s tightly now.

“I wanna be with you. I don’t know how, and if you don’t want to, then… I understand.”

Katya just stares at Trixie, her heartbeat has sped up its beat and it’s deafening in her ears.

“You want to… date? Me?”

Trixie nods once, and Katya is baffled. 

“What?” Trixie squeezes Katya’s hand.

“I… I didn’t expect that.” Katya smiles shyly. Trixie shivers then, Katya can feel it go through her hand, and she lets go. She stands and takes their glasses. “Lets go inside.”

Katya goes to the hallway to hang up her coat and Trixie sits on the couch, pulling the vest closer around her body. When Katya returns, she sits right next to Trixie in the middle of the couch. 

“I really thought it was over.” She looks at Trixie seriously and carefully shifts on the couch to give her some space when Trixie turns toward her and pulls her legs up. “I thought… well, I don’t really know what I thought. But…”

Trixie scoots closer and reaches out, gently pushes Katya’s hair away from her face. It makes the skin on Katya’s neck prickle. 

“Do you want to…” Trixie doesn’t know how to finish that sentence, but she feels less awkward now. More like herself, the Trixie she was with Katya before. Katya stares at her and Trixie can’t read her eyes. 

“You’re not sure?” Trixie asks. Katya huffs a laugh and leans over to the table to pick up her glass and take a big sip of wine. She sits closer to Trixie, looking at her intently.

“I’ve never met anyone that I wanted as much as you. But after… when you said that you needed space, and that we couldn’t kiss anymore, and… I accepted it, and then it took so long, and I just…” Katya shrugs. A tear escapes Trixie’s eye, but she smiles and wipes it away. 

“I was lost and confused, and I’m sorry for keeping you at a distance. I didn’t know how else to get through everything.”

“I get it,” Katya says quickly. She comes closer yet, leaning over, and smells the spring flowers. She takes Trixie’s hand from where it fumbles with her vest and puts it on her own cheek. Trixie spreads her fingers to caress Katya’s skin, it’s warm and soft, and Katya’s eyes close. 

“I didn’t think it was real,” Katya whispers. “I thought that, maybe, I was just an experiment. You were curious.”

“I love you.” Trixie blurts out the words through tears, and Katya’s eyes fly open. 

“I love you. I always have. But I couldn’t, it was impossible. I wasn’t ready.” Trixie knows she’s rambling, but she can’t stop. She has both hands on Katya’s face now, fingers in her hair.

“Please, can I kiss you?” Trixie’s words are barely audible, and she leans in, close enough that Katya feels the warmth of her skin on her own. “Please,” she asks again, her lips on Katya’s cheek right beside her mouth. Katya turns her face slightly.

They both stop breathing, kissing each other gently, they’re still made of glass, it’s careful and soft, until Katya sighs audibly and Trixie feels it’s a sign, and she deepens the kiss, nipping at Katya’s lips with her own. 

“Baby,” Katya whispers, and it feels so good to hear her say it. Katya licks Trixie’s lips, and they part willingly, and Trixie feels like she can finally breathe again. Their tongues lap at each other, a slow, seductive dance, and Trixie’s fingers graze Katya’s scalp and pull her hair.

Katya turns her whole body to Tixie, pulling her knees under her to get closer, holding on to the fabric of Trixie’s vest with one hand, the other landing carefully on Trixie’s knee. She feels warm through the thin cotton of the leggings she’s wearing. Katya’s body explodes with longing, an aching need inside her belly, burning and flaring out towards her chest and between her legs. It’s like she can feel how the broken pieces of her heart fit together like a puzzle. 

Trixie’s hands move over Katya’s shoulders, her arms, pulling, one hand on her back urging her closer until she’s half on top of Trixie. Feeling Katya’s body against hers, on top of her, surrounding her, makes Trixie’s senses go wild and she tries to touch Katya everywhere at once. She leans back and parts her knees, allowing Katya’s hips to slide in between and their upper bodies to connect. 

Trixie’s big, soft breasts are squished beneath Katya’s chest and she feels how they both heave with strangled breaths, they’re so warm, and Katya is so extremely turned on and confused at the same time. She really didn’t think she would get to be with Trixie like this again, ever. It’s like she’s dreaming it, like it’s not really happening, but it is, and her throat tightens with the intensity of it and she has to break the kiss.

Trixie kisses Katya’s cheeks, her chin, hugs her close and stretches out her legs, wrapping one around Katya’s calf. She has her shoes on the couch but Trixie couldn’t care less right now. Katya buries her face in Trixie’s neck, catching her breath, smelling her, rubbing her nose along the damp skin. 

“Baby.” Katya’s voice is raspy and low. Trixie’s hands run up and down her back, one trailing over her ass in the tight jeans. Katya’s face comes up then, her cheeks flushed and stains of Trixie’s pink lipstick around her mouth. 

“You’re beautiful,” Trixie coos. Katya smiles and caresses Trixie’s cheek with the back of her hand.

“I can’t believe this is happening,” Katya whispers, staring into Trixie’s soft brown eyes. She’s no longer crying, her eyes are bright and shining and she’s smiling.

“It is, I promise.” 

Katya kisses Trixie again, gentle little pecks on her lips.

“I am scared as fuck,” Katya whispers between kisses, and Trixie giggles.

“Me too. We should take it slow.”

Katya moves her hand from Trixie’s face down to her cleavage, pulling at the dress to expose a little more of her breasts.

“Yeah. Slow.”

Katya presses soft little kisses to the tops of Trixie’s breasts, just the part that she can see over the line of the dress, and Trixie sighs and lets her head fall back. Her hips push up into Katya’s and she wraps her legs around her.

“So this is our first date?” Katya lets her lips trail up along Trixie’s neck up to her ear, and licks the skin just below her earlobe. 

“Yeah.” Trixie sighs when Katya blows air over the spot she just licked, and then licks at her earlobe. 

“Mmm.” Katya moans close to Trixie’s ear, and Trixie grips the back of Katya’s shirt a little tighter. 

“We can make out on our first date, right?” Trixie asks, her voice breathy. Her fingers dig into the top of Katya’s thigh, and Katya shifts her hips into Trixie’s. Katya’s mouth is back on Trixie’s breast, her hand curling around it, massaging it through the fabric. She pushes down where she thinks Trixie’s nipple should be, although she can’t feel it through the lined cups of her bra. 

“Sure can. You feel so good, fuck.” Katya pushes her nose between Trixie’s breasts, breathing her in.

“Babe, if we wanna take it slow, you gotta stop.” Trixie is out of breath and her mouth is dry. She wriggles a little to get Katya’s face out of her bosom and level with her own. 

“I know.” Katya kisses her again, pushing her tongue in her mouth and licking her teeth. Trixie moans and writhes underneath Katya, who pins her down with her hips, pushing at her, rotating fast and hard like she’s fucking her. 

“Kat… fuck.” Trixie’s hands grab at Katya’s face and she pulls her back by her hair. Katya hisses through her teeth and smiles, then lets Trixie go and sits up, looking down at Trixie’s messed up hair, messy makeup, flushed face and swollen lips. 

Trixie sits up too, shrugging off the warm vest that she no longer needs, and takes a couple of sips of wine. She looks at Katya then, who also looks like a mess, a beautiful, cute mess, and they both giggle.

“I should go soon. I’m getting drunk,” Katya says, leaning her head on the back of the couch.

“And leave me with a newly opened bottle? No way.”    
  
Trixie gets up and takes their half empty glasses to the kitchen. Katya laughs out loud when she comes back - she’s filled the glasses almost to the brim, and they have to drink carefully to not spill it. 

“So… we’re dating?” Katya wipes her hand over the couch where her shoes have been and sits back. 

“Yeah?”

Trixie sounds a little unsure, but her smile is sweet and big and her eyes are hopeful and Katya can just feel her insides melt at how adorable she is. 

“And do we want the world to know this?” Katya is hesitant, she doesn’t want to ruin the mood, but it’s an important question. Trixie’s smile disappears and she frowns. 

“Oh. I hadn’t thought about that.” Trixie looks down at her glass. “Maybe not yet.”

Katya nods. 

“I thought so.”

Trixie sighs then, annoyed, and puts her glass down on the table a little roughly, wine sloshing over the edge and dripping down on the table. 

“That means I can’t really visit you. Crap.”

“That’s ok, I can come here.”

“I miss your house.” Trixie pouts a little, and Katya laughs. 

“What? Why?”

“It’s just cute and... “ Trixie shrugs, then her face turns red.

“What?” Katya urges, pushing at Trixie’s knee with her own.

“I have good memories there.”  Trixie looks shy, and a little sad, and Katya just wants to hug her. After a second, she realizes that she now can, so she puts her glass down -  carefully - and scoots over to Trixie. She wraps an arm around her and pulls her close, Trixie’s head landing on Katya’s chest. 

“My house will wait until you’re ready, baby,” Katya says and strokes Trixie’s hair. Trixie’s body heaves with a deep breath and Katya hears a soft sob. 

“Sweetie, don’t cry. I’m here,” Katya whispers, her lips now in Trixie’s hair. 

“I ca-can’t help it. I don’t know wh-why.”

They sit like that for a while, cuddling on the couch, Trixie’s crying slowly subsiding while Katya strokes her hair. It’s been an intense evening, and an intense year, and both of them feel a little exhausted. 

They share a long, soft kiss in the doorway when Katya leaves, her shirt a little wet from Trixie’s tears, and her heart full. 


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Finale.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it. I'm in a bit of a hurry so I didn't edit the extra spaces, sorry, I just didn't want to wait until I get home late tonight! 
> 
> Love these two and love you all <3
> 
> Thx so much for enjoying this ride with me and know your crazy, smart, cute, long, short comments have kept me going. Looking forward to doing this again. 
> 
> PS I'm still open to suggestiong for 'extra's', different POV's for existing chapters or future takes. I have a few ideas... but for now I'm too busy.

K: Hey. How’s my girlfriend doing?

 

T: Drowning in paperwork. Missing her babe XX

 

K: Same and same. How much longer?

 

T: Two days and abt 5 hrs? Not sure when I’ll get home Friday night

 

K: That’s ok, just let me know when you leave 

K: Or actually I can totally see that HAHA

 

T: I’d give you a ride, but… ;)

 

K: I’ll walk baby. You’ll have dinner with them and then go? Can I bring anything?

 

T: Dinner & maybe put the little ones in bed. Bring an extra pair of panties.

 

Katya stares at her phone with her mouth open. It’s late afternoon on a Wednesday, and she’s been dating Trixie, officially in secret, for about three weeks, and although they have been making out, their clothes have stayed on. It hasn’t been easy for Katya, both being busy and Trixie spending two weeks with the kids in which she was right across the street but couldn’t see Katya. When they did see each other, on lunches or on the days Trixie was at the apartment, they did a lot of talking, cuddling and kissing. If Katya had actual balls, they wouldn’t fallen off by now, but instead she’s just constantly horny and missing Trixie. She’s been aware of some invisible line in their intimacy, one they have agreed not to cross yet without saying it out loud. One that she sometimes tests by sending naughty texts, and although Trixie has been receptive of those, she hasn’t initiated anything or replied in kind. Her comment about the panties confuses Katya a little, and at the same time excites her to a point where she might need then right now.

 

K: What are you gonna do to my panties that I need an extra pair?

 

T: Idk yet. Eat them off you.

 

K: Don’t tease me baby. I like it too much.

 

T: Ok confession: I wanna eat them off you. But I’m nervous.

 

K: Baby I’m nervous as well but also SO ready. 

 

T: I want you so bad. Idk if I’m ready :/

 

K: Don’t worry. You’ll know. I’ll bring panties, but no obligations. Ok?

 

T: Ok thx xxx

 

Trixie sighs and puts her phone down next to her laptop, where she can still see it if Katya sends anything else. She doesn’t, she’s probably also busy at work, and Trixie tries to focus on the spreadsheet in front of her, but now her mind is reeling with the thought of taking it one step further with Katya. She remembers the last time they were at the apartment together, the Thursday before Trixie went to the big house to be with the kids. They’d gotten pizza right after work and spent the evening on the couch, the TV softly playing whatever was on, but they didn’t see it because they were constantly touching and kissing each other. The awkwardness is mostly gone, but Trixie still feels it when they get close. Katya’s body does things to her that she remembers, but it still seems new, like their affair hasn’t happened. Like it has been a dream, or a fantasy, and now she is scared of it becoming real. 

 

The way Katya had grabbed at Trixie’s ass when they kissed, sprawled out over the couch, Trixie half on top of Katya, they way Katya had sighed into her mouth, moaning how good her body felt, how juicy her ass was, all the little things that escaped Katya’s lips when she was horny… Trixie’s face gets warm and she’s pretty sure she’s blushing, right there in her office, completely alone. 

 

Katya had always been the more vocal one, more experienced, more daring. She knew what she wanted, and how to get it, and she wasn’t ashamed to ask. Trixie wasn’t used to that, not before Katya, and now she feels like she had to learn that all over again. Maybe this Friday.

 

At home with the kids, Trixie feels a little stab in her heart that she soon has to leave them again. On Thursday, she spoils them by making fries and hamburgers and gives them as much attention as she possibly can, divided by five. Joe texts her on Friday afternoon that he’s going to be home in time for dinner, and if she minds if he joins them, which she doesn’t. He walks her to the door when she leaves, and just as she walks out, he stops her, stepping outside as well. 

 

“Hey, Trix.” Trixie turns, two bags of clothes dangling from her arms. 

 

“How do you feel about the two-weeks thing?” Joe asks, rubbing a hand over the stubble on his cheek. 

 

“Oh, I think it’s good! Although maybe a bit long? I don’t know.”

 

Joe sighs. 

 

“I missed them so terribly, two weeks is long. Maybe we should switch to one?”

 

“Sure, we can try. Maybe in the new year?”

 

“Ok. And Trix…” His voice trails off and he avoids her eyes. Trixie turns around fully, her attention drawn to the blush on his cheeks.

 

“This is awkward, but… I might have met someone. A woman, I mean.”

 

Trixie is too stunned to reply for a moment, her mouth gaping. 

 

“Wow, really?”

 

“Yeah, well, it’s still very new. I took her out last week, but… It’s so soon, I don’t know.”

 

“Joe, listen… don’t move too fast,” Trixie says with a little smile. He nods bashfully - they had moved way too fast when they started dating and were engaged within months. “But also, don’t hold back on my account. Maybe just… wait to tell the kids until you’re sure it’s serious?”

 

He smiles and comes a little closer, reaching out to squeeze her shoulder with his hand. 

 

“Absolutely, thank you. Are you seeing… Katya?” He nods across the street and it’s Trixie’s turn to blush a deep red. Joe chuckles.

 

“I take that as a yes. I hope it works out, honey. I really do.”

 

Trixie sits in her car for a moment, a little baffled still. She thinks this can’t be how normal divorced people interact. They haven’t had one fight since they decided to break up, haven’t ever raised their voice with each other, have barely disagreed on anything, and now this. Not even a month after their courting hearing, their divorce isn’t even legal yet, and they’re wishing each other well in their dating endeavors… and it’s real. Trixie honestly hopes Joe finds happiness with someone else, she wishes nothing but the best for him, and she doesn’t feel an ounce of jealousy - after everything, he’s still her best friend.

 

Trixie’s phone buzzes and scares her. 

 

K: Are you staying in your car for the rest of the night?

 

Trixie giggles and quickly starts the car. She doesn’t reply, she knows Katya is watching her drive off and will soon follow after her.

 

Trixie hurries up the stairs of the apartment and drops her bags in the hallway, looking around. It smells a little like Joe’s cologne, and he’s left a suit jacket on the coat rack. The apartment is tidy and clean, the dishes are done and he’s restocked the fridge. His room is also neat and tidy, and he’s left some clothes in the closet just like Trixie did at the big house. She hangs up his jacket and closes the door. 

 

After the fastest shower humanly possible, Trixie stands in front of her closet, digging through her panty drawer when her doorbell rings. She runs into the hallway, naked, and buzzes Katya in. That leaves her about three minutes to get dressed, and she grabs the first matching underwear set she sees and puts it on, pulls on her favorite jeans and a t-shirt and then there’s a knock on the front door. 

 

Trixie opens the door with her hair still in a bun and her feet bare. Katya looks amazing, revealing a tight black dress from under her long wool coat. 

 

“Hey, baby.” Katya’s voice is soft like honey when she turns to Trixie. Her heels and Trixie’s bare feet make them the same height, and Katya pulls Trixie close by the loops on her jeans. Trixie feels her face heat up immediately and accepts Katya’s pursed lips in a gentle kiss. 

 

“I didn’t know two weeks could take so long,” Katya whispers, leaning her forehead against Trixie’s. 

 

“I know. It was an eternity.” Trixie takes one of Katya’s hands and pulls her to the living room.

 

“I’m gonna make some tea, I’m not in the mood for wine. But I have some, if you want?” Trixie says while Katya sits down on the couch. 

 

“Tea is fine for me.” 

 

Katya tries to appear calm, but inside of her, her heart is beating fast and her stomach is in knots. Ever since Trixie texted about her panties, Katya’s mind hasn’t been able to focus on anything else. She’d wanted to get into Trixie’s panties at that first date, but steeled herself to respect Trixie’s boundaries. And now, three weeks later, she realizes she’s also quite nervous, and feels silly about it at the same time. They have been together before, quite a few times, but now it somehow feels like there’s a new threshold they are about to cross.

 

Trixie comes back with their tea and puts the glasses on the table before going around the room to light a few candles. The room feels small and cosy with just the candles and barely any big lamps on, and Trixie sits close to Katya on the couch. 

 

They talk a little about their week as they drink tea, and Katya fiddles with Trixie’s slender fingers, entwining them with her own and examining her dark fuschia polish. Trixie smells fresh, body wash and spring flowers and toothpaste, and Katya can feel warmth coming off her.

 

Trixie knows she’s speed talking because of her nerves, she can hear herself talk endlessly about work, the kids, how it was to deal with five kids on her own when she was away, and how Joe suggested that...

 

“Baby?”

 

“Yes.”

 

Trixie keeps her eyes on her lap until Katya’s fingers gently pull at her chin. 

 

“I wanna kiss you,” Katya says, but doesn’t move. Trixie nods and stares into Katya’s eyes, those bright blue eyes that always seem to shine.

 

Katya moves back a little and pats her lap, making Trixie break in to a soft giggle. She moves to sit on Katya’s lap, like she did the first time they were together, her ass sinking down on Katya’s thighs, their bodies close. Trixie brushes Katya’s hair away from her face and touches her cheeks with cool fingers, scratching her jaw lightly with her blunt nails. Katya leans her head on the back of the couch and closes her eyes, her tongue flicking out quickly to wet her lips. Her hands are light and motionless on Trixie’s hips.

 

There’s a surge in Trixie’s body when she leans in to kiss Katya, and she knows it when their lips touch - this is right. There’s nothing in the world she wants more than to be with this woman, give herself to her completely, and do it many more times. As thrilling as that thought is, it also calms her down. They have all the time in the world, they can be together forever, and Trixie is suddenly very sure of that.

 

Trixie kisses Katya gently, slowly, teasing her by licking her opened lips but not slipping her tongue inside. Katya’s grip on Trixie’s hips gets stronger and she squeezes her through the jeans, nails digging in, then releasing, and she rubs her hands up and down the worn out fabric. Her fingers creep up to the edge of Trixie’s T-shirt - it’s white with little hearts drawn on it - and Trixie feels how Katya hesitates, the tips of her fingers waiting on the sliver of skin between the shirt and jeans. Trixie then pushes her tongue into Katya’s mouth and moves her hips closer, connecting their bodies. Katya’s hands slip up higher, under Trixie’s shirt, warm fingers on even warmer skin, making Trixie’s sides and back erupt in goosebumps.

 

They move slowly, carefully, Trixie directs the kiss in the most sensual, gentle manner and Katya feels her body heat up more with every second that passes. Her outfit is a little cold for today’s weather, but now a bead of sweat slides down her spine. Her mind is reeling with the feel of Trixie’s body on her own, her lips, her tongue, the warmth of her thighs and her skin reacting to Katya’s touch. 

 

Trixie ends the kiss and holds Katya’s face in her hands, looking at her with a little smile. 

 

“Touch me,” Trixie whispers

 

Trixie keeps staring into Katya’s eyes while Katya moves her hands under Trixie’s shirt and tickles her skin. Her hands move around to Trixie’s back, up to her shoulders, back down and then to the front. Katya feels the lace of Trixie’s bra and curls her hands around her heavy breasts. Trixie’s mouth opens a little and she lets go of Katya to pick up her shirt and pull it over her head. She offers her breasts to Katya and moans in the back of her throat when Katya massages and squeezes and rubs her thumbs over the nipples hardening under the fabric. 

 

“Baby, I want you so bad,” Katya says in a heavy voice. She dips her face down to kiss the tops of Trixie’s breasts and slide her cheek and nose against the soft skin. 

 

“Please,” Trixie sighs. She places her hands on the back of the couch to steady herself, and gasps softly when Katya closes her lips over a covered nipple. She soaks the fabric with her tongue, sucking and teasing, and Trixie feels excitement bloom in her lower belly. 

 

Katya takes her time to wet both of Trixie’s sensitive nipples, big and dark under the lace. She can’t determine the exact color in the dimly lit room, but it’s definitely some shade of light pink. She feels how Trixie gets restless, her ass shifting on Katya’s lap, moving back and forth. Katya kisses her way up to Trixie’s throat, sucks on her skin there and Trixie’s face comes down to lock her lips to Katya’s again. 

 

“Let’s go to bed,” Trixie whispers under her breath, her forehead against Katya’s messy bangs. Katya looks up to meet her eyes. 

 

“Sure?” 

 

Trixie nods, a little smile on her lips, desire in her eyes. She gets up from the couch, her legs unsteady at first, and offers Katya a hand. Katya lets herself get pulled along to Trixie’s bedroom. It’s decorated mostly in white and pink, the bedsheets a soft lavender.

 

Trixie shuffles her feet a bit, standing in the middle of the room with Katya’s hand in hers, but then takes a breath and pulls Katya close. Her hands go straight to Katya’s tight ass, firm and round in her hands. She kisses Katya’s cheek, her earlobe, whispers to her.

 

“You feel so good.”

 

Katya’s body feels tight with excitement. It took her a while to convince Trixie to talk when they were intimate, to say what she felt, thought or wanted, and it’s so arousing to hear her do it now. 

 

“You drive me crazy,” Katya whispers back. Trixie giggles into Katya’s neck.

 

“That was my plan.” 

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Yeah. So you’d let me eat those panties.”    
  
They’re both laughing now, and Katya slips away from Trixie’s grasp to walk to the bed and sit down to take off her shoes. Trixie bites her lip when Katya takes off her dress over her head and throws it across the room with a grin. Katya’s underwear is creamy white, not at all what Trixie expected, a beautiful satin bra and matching thong. Katya watches Trixie discard her jeans, leaving her in her pink lace bra and matching shorts. 

 

Katya climbs on the bed and lies down in the middle of it, Trixie crawling after her. They are side by side, bodies touching from their noses to their toes, legs tangled and hands sliding over naked skin.

 

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” Katya whispers and smiles, caressing Trixie’s face.

 

“I love you,” Trixie whispers, so softly Katya barely hears it. 

 

“I love you.” 

 

They kiss again, and Katya feels how eager Trixie is, and at the same time unsure. Katya moves her hands behind Trixie’s back and fumbles with the bra clasp until it pops open. Trixie takes the bra off without halting their kiss, and Katya greedily takes both of her breasts in her hands and pushes her body closer to Trixie’s to feel as much of her as possible. She hardly notices that Trixie is doing the same, until her bra straps are being pulled down. 

 

Trixie pushes her body against Katya and rolls on top of her with all of her warm weight, and Katya sighs at how good that feels. Trixie’s skin is so soft, she smells amazing, her body is feminine and round, and Katya never wants to stop feeling her. 

 

Trixie sucks hard on Katya’s nipple, making her whine, and then Katya feels Trixie’s long fingers between her legs. She rubs her pussy through the thin fabric of her thong, which is already soaked through. Katya pushes her hips up in to Trixie’s touch and one of her hands goes to Trixie’s hair, pulling out the elastic that held her bun together. Blonde tresses spill over her shoulders and Katya rubs her fingers over Trixie’s skull. 

 

Trixie’s heart is beating loudly in her chest, she worries it might be visible to Katya, how fast it is and how her hands tremble with it. Katya’s skin smells of lavender and a hint of fresh sweat, and it’s very much her smell and Trixie remembers it, missed it, and now wants to breathe only that. She drops a few kisses on Katya’s breasts, then down over her stomach, tickles her bellybutton by swiping her tongue around it, making Katya hiss, and then reaches her thong. Katya’s legs are moving restlessly when Trixie hooks her fingers in the sides of the thong to pull it down, and she does it slowly, all the way to Katya’s feet - her toenails are painted dark blue, Trixie has never seen this before. 

 

Trixie sits on her knees besides Katya’s legs and looks at her, how she’s sprawled out on the bed completely naked, waiting, staring at Trixie with question in her eyes. 

 

Trixie scoots her ass to the end of the bed and stands, then takes Katya’s ankles in both hands and pulls, sliding her over the bed until her ass is at the edge. Katya looks up in surprise first, then throws her head back and laughs, and sighs, and moans when Trixie kneels on the floor and parts Katya’s thighs. 

 

Katya breathes in sharply when Trixie puts her mouth on her pussy, kissing the mound with the neatly trimmed stripe of hair, kissing down over her lips, already shiny with wetness, her swollen clit peeking through. The tips of Katya’s toes can barely reach the floor, and she’s helpless with Trixie’s tongue sliding through her lips. Trixie sighs and moans at the familiar taste, all of Katya, all wet and sticky for Trixie. Katya’s fingers dig into the bed sheets and her breath comes out in puffs. She’s so worked up, she already feels like she could explode at any moment.

  
“Slowly, so close,” Katya moans brokenly. Her thighs are trembling where Trixie squeezes them, spreading her legs wider. She focuses her tongue more on Katya’s inner lips and her entrance instead of her clit, and pushes a finger inside slowly. She stops licking then, just kissing Katya’s thigh with her wet lips, and adds a second finger. She fucks Katya slow and deep, her fingers shiny and wet and so, so warm.

 

Katya can’t keep still, her arms are moving up and down over the soft bed sheets, she tries to move her hips into Trixie’s hand, and Trixie feels her own body going up in flames just watching her. She decides she’s teased her enough, and shoves her fingers in hard, latches her mouth onto Katya’s clit and sucks. Katya gasps, moans so loud it’s nearly a scream, and her hand comes to the back of Trixie’s head. Her hips buck as Trixie flicks her clit, keeps up the movement until Katya loses it and comes, her whole body coiled and trembling, and her orgasm is long and drawn out by Trixie’s slowing licks. Trixie keeps licking around Katya’s clit while she whines and huffs and strokes Trixie’s hair.

 

Katya then lets herself slide off the bed and onto the floor, to take Trixie’s face in her hands and kiss her. 

 

“Fuck, I missed you.” Katya breathes the words, still panting heavily. Trixie chuckles, a little shy. Katya gets up and pulls Trixie back on the bed and rolls on top of her. She needs to feel all of Trixie, all the time, and rubs her whole body against her. Her hands are on Trixie’s hips, her ass, her breasts, her soft belly, her thighs, hooked behind her knees to wrap her legs around Katya’s hips. 

 

“Tell me what you need,” Katya whispers into Trixie’s ear, then sucking on her earlobe. Trixie makes this cute little mewling sound, a little desperate, a little whiny, and Katya feels it in her belly. 

 

“You’re fucking sexy like this. Tell me.”   
  
“Fuck me,” Trixie breathes out, rolling her hips into Katya. “Put your fingers in me.”

 

Katya immediately complies and rubs her fingers up and down Trixie’s pussy before sliding two of them inside her. She’s very wet, there’s little resistance, and Katya easily moves in and out, making a soft sopping sound. Katya moves down Trixie’s body then, to kneel between her legs and fuck her for real, thrusting hard, she knows Trixie likes that. Katya’s fingers curl up inside Trixie and she makes a pulling motion, the sopping getting louder. 

 

“Shit, baby,” Trixie says and lets out a long moan. Her hips tremble with her movements, in time with Katya’s thrusting. Katya stops for a moment to add another finger, and Trixie takes a breath and holds it, her head moving to the side and her eyes scrunched closed. 

 

“Tell me.” Katya’s voice is low, but Trixie hears it.

 

“Harder.”

 

Katya does. Her other hand joins now, she licks her thumb and gently rolls it around Trixie’s clit. She still knows exactly how to please her, has commited it memory. Her right hand fucks Trixie so hard her belly and breasts shake with the movements, and her thumb barely puts any pressure on her. 

 

“Yes. Yes. Fuck.” Trixie pants, and Katya feels it. Trixie’s moans become high-pitched, her breathing short and shallow, and then Katya feels a gush of wetness flowing over her hand, as Trixie’s back comes off the bed and her mouth is open in a soundless scream. 

 

“Oh my god,” Trixie says over and over when Katya moves besides her and wraps her body around Trixie’s. “What the fuck.”

 

“Wow, baby,” Katya says against Trixie’s cheek. “That was so hot.”

 

“Oh fuck.” Trixie is still out of breath. “I never came like this.”

 

“You squirted,” Katya says, her voice excited.

 

“What?” Trixie looks at her and then sits up. There’s a large, dark spot underneath her hips. “I did?”

 

Katya grins like a cat who stole the cream, and Trixie caps a hand over her mouth and giggles.

 

“I made a mess, wow,” Trixie says. 

 

“That was fucking hot.” 

 

Katya pulls at the covers that they’re still on top of, and Trixie crawls in beside her. Katya’s nestles her face comfortably against Trixie’s bosom and wraps a leg around her hips.

 

“Do you wanna stay over?” Trixie asks, her voice soft in the dark room. She doesn’t want to move, but her bladder is demanding her to go to the bathroom, and she also needs to blow out the candles in the living room.

 

“Can I?”   
  
“Of course.”

 

They have never actually slept together, not longer than a little nap after sex. Katya is already excited about the idea of waking up in the middle of the night and being able to grab Trixie and make love to her again. She presses a kiss on Trixie clavicle and turns her head to kiss her neck.

 

“Please, baby,” Katya whispers. Trixie hums in reply. “Please tell me we’re gonna make it.” Katya’s voice is now thick with emotion, Trixie hears that even through her post orgasmic haze.

 

“Kat,” Trixie whispers, holding Katya close. 

 

“Please. I can’t stand to lose you again.” Katya kisses Trixie’s neck, her shoulder, the side of her breast with the light stretch marks on it, then comes up and looks at her. Trixie nods. She’s never been more sure of anything.

 

“We’re gonna be ok.”


	18. 5 Years

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trixie suddenly realises she and Katya can soon celebrate 5 years together. Time flies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A tiny future take for all of you who have given me so much love and support for this story <3
> 
> I've been uploading some unfinished stuff and I felt I couldn't leave this out! I don't know if there will be more, because I haven't been able to write anything for quite a while. It might be that all the love I'm getting on my stories has gone to my head and anxiety is making me too insecure to write... OR maybe it's the ugly side of the fandom that just won't shut up, that bothers me. I don't know, I'm not a scientist. 
> 
> Either way I hope you enjoy this little peek into the future! 
> 
> XO

On a cold but sunny Saturday afternoon in October, Katya climbs the stairs in her apartment building while a wonderful smell wafts around her. It gets stronger and stronger the closer she gets to the front door, and a smile breaks on her face when she opens it. 

“Is that smell what I think it is?” Katya calls out from the hallway, quickly kicking off her boots and hanging her coat on the overstuffed rack. 

She makes her way to the kitchen fast, socks skidding on the wooden floor panels, and finds her girlfriend crouching by the oven. Trixie carefully takes out the large pan with her mit-covered hands, the dark orange pumpkin pie puffed up and hot, and places it on a cooling rack on the counter, next to a pie that is already done.

“Is it?” Trixie asks, leaning her hip against the counter to regard her work proudly. 

Katya is by her side in an instant. 

“Oh, this smells so good,” Katya coos and pushes her cold face against Trixie’s to kiss her cheek. She smells like dough and cinnamon.

Trixie smiles and turns her head, catching Katya’s lips with her own, and grabs her around the waist to pull her close. 

“You’re cold,” Trixie says, pressing her lips to Katya’s again.

“Hmm. I had to walk a bit because I missed the bus.”

Katya leans over the counter to smell the pies, her nose close enough to get warmed up. Her glasses are fogged when she looks up at Trixie with a big smile. 

“When can we eat this?”

Trixie looks at the large wall clock in the kitchen and points at the pie she made first.

“That one will be ready in about forty five minutes. Don’t touch it!” Trixie says, swatting at Katya’s wrist as she wiggles her fingers close to the pie. 

Katya pulls her hand back and bounces on the balls of her feet. 

“I can’t wait that long! I’m so hungry,” Katya whines.

She really is starving. It was almost lunch time when she got called into the police station as a Russian interpreter, and now it’s nearly five. She clutches her stomach with both hands and makes puppy dog eyes at Trixie. 

“We’re having pasta for dinner, I can make that now? It won’t take long.”

Trixie reaches out and runs her fingers through Katya’s hair, tucking some of it behind her ear. Her leveled bob, where it’s short in the back with longer locks in the front, has grown out and Trixie’s fingers itch to fix it up.

“Pasta with pesto?”

“Yep.”

“Ok! Please! I’m going to die if I don’t eat something!” 

With that dramatic exclamation, Katya takes off, and a moment later, Trixie hears the shower running. She shakes her head with a smile and collects all the ingredients she needs for a simple pasta dish. She made the same thing when Katya visited her apartment for the first time, and she thinks back to that evening while she boils the water and cuts up the chicken breasts.

Trixie’s knife suddenly stills and she stares into the opened kitchen cabinet for a moment, not seeing the neatly lined up packages inside. That first dinner, in this very apartment that they now share, that has both their names on the lease, which almost felt a little bit like getting married, or at the very least a serious commitment, that dinner… is almost five years ago. It will be five years somewhere in November, and Trixie is pretty sure she can find out the exact date if she goes through her calendar. 

Five years have flown by, in which a lot of things happened, up and downs came and went, but Trixie feels like there have been more ups, and things have been mostly up lately. Katya hasn’t had any new episodes with her depression and anxiety for a long time, all the kids are doing fine, Austin is finally excelling at school now that he had gotten an official diagnosis for his dyslexia, Candace had calmed down about living on campus and being away from her family, Grace was back on speaking terms with her mother after coming out as bisexual… things were good. It was a blessing, but it also made Trixie nervous at times, and it was in those moments that she missed God. Or, rather, the closer connection she’d had with Him when she was still attending church. But she loved the little spiritual bible group she visited twice a month, where there was a lot of love and acceptance for a confused queer woman with an atheist lesbian partner - something she couldn’t find in the church she used to visit with Joe. She hadn’t abandoned her faith, she had just adjusted it.

Trixie is adding pesto to the chicken and spring onions while the pasta is almost done boiling, when she hears the soft slapping sound of Katya’s bare feet behind her. 

“Is it done yet?”

Sometimes her girlfriend is like a little kid. A forty seven year old toddler, who sleeps when she’s tired and eats when she’s hungry - no matter the time of day. At the same time, she has been a voice of reason and a teacher Trixie didn’t know she needed, on many occasions. They balance each other out quite nicely. 

When Trixie turns around, she screams a laugh at the sight of Katya in just a towel and with dripping hair.

“Oh my God! Put some clothes on, woman,” she yells, shielding her eyes. 

“What, you can’t handle all this jelly?” Katya sing-songs, loosening the towel and dancing behind it, kicking her legs up like she’s onstage at the Moulin Rouge. 

Trixie giggles as she takes the pan of pasta off the stove to drain the noodles, and turns down the heat on the skillet with the chicken and pesto mixture. With a few long strides, she’s right in front of Katya and kisses her on the lips, pulling at the towel. 

“You know I can, baby,” Trixie whispers, and she can feel rather than hear the little gasp her voice elicits from Katya. 

Katya drops the towel and presses her naked and still partly wet body into Trixie, grabbing at her arms to get more kisses, moaning when Trixie’s hands slide her her back and down to her ass. The kiss gets interrupted by a loud rumble from her stomach, and she laughs and moans at the same time, untangles herself from Trixie and runs back to the bedroom. 

Katya shivers while she looks at her side of the closet, hopping from one foot to the other to dry them, and eventually pulls out a pair of black leggings, fluffy socks, a long sleeve shirt and a knitted cardigan. When she gets back to the kitchen, the table is set for two and Trixie carries out two plates loaded with pasta and salad.

“Thank you, my love,” Katya states solemnly, a hand on her heart. 

They dig in in silence, enjoying the food for a moment, and Trixie enjoys the look on Katya’s face when she eats. She enjoys food like everything else in life - wholeheartedly. She’s no longer the pale, scared looking, suffering woman Trixie met on her street, who saved her youngest daughter’s life and was too shy to talk.

“Do you remember when we first ate here together?” Trixie starts. 

Katya slows down her chewing and narrows her eyes. 

“When you just moved in? Yeah. You made this,” she says around her food, pointing at her plate with her fork. 

“It’s been almost five years.”

Katya’s eyes widen.

“You’re kidding!”

Katya realizes they never really thought about anniversaries, or celebrating them, because there was usually a lot going on. The winter is a busy time, with Halloween and Thanksgiving and Christmas, well, actually every season is busy when you live with a divorced mother of five who runs her own business, now with two salons on opposite ends of Boston. Katya is self employed, working as a certified translator for both Russian and French, and she still does the books for her former employer. They are busy, but they’ve been thriving, and it’s good, but time flies by like crazy and she can’t believe it’s been five years. 

“We should do something this year, to celebrate,” Katya says, and reaches out over the table to squeeze Trixie’s arm affectionately. 

Trixie’s smile is Katya’s favorite one. She loves all of Trixie’s smiles, also the insane screaming laugh that she has, but this, the loving, sappy, silly one, where she presses her lips together because it’s a little emo, that’s The Smile. It makes Katya warm inside and her eyes heart shaped. 

After dinner, Katya cleans up while Trixie works a little on her laptop. Her phone rings, and it’s Candace, and after a while she asks to talk to Katya. Katya keeps Trixie’s phone between her ear and shoulder while she pours two glasses of wine and puts them down on the table in the living room. Then she throws a blanket from the couch over her shoulders, takes a cigarette from her pack and steps out onto the balcony. 

“Ok, I’m alone. Spill, baby,” Katya says conspiratorially once she’s outside and the door is closed. 

“Ok.” Candace giggles, then sighs, and takes a deep breath. “I told my roommate and she was totally cool about it.”

“Yes! Good job, I’m so proud. What did she say?”

“Well, I was, like, super nervous, and I said I had to talk to her, and then she got all nervous too, and… she was like, she thought I didn’t like her, or that I didn’t want to hang out with her. She’s anxious about that, or insecure or whatever. But I said, no, I’m gay!”

Candace laughs out loud, and although Katya is shivering out in the cold with her half smoked cigarette, she feels warm and happy with the sound. 

Two years ago, when Joe’s sister Grace decided to come out as bisexual, there was a big divide in the family. Nobody was surprised when Patricia Meyers, Joe and Grace’s mother, had a fit over Grace’s coming out, immediately disowning her and accusing her of disgracing their whole family. But it was a shock to Trixie that Joe wasn’t immediately supportive of his sister, either. He called it a phase, went on and on about feminists, and for a while didn’t want Grace around the kids. Trixie had some choice words for her ex, and they weren’t on the best terms for a while. 

Through all of this, Katya tried to stay in the background, but noticed that the person who was taking all of this the hardest was actually Candace. During a girls weekend at their apartment, when it was just Candace, Naomi and Trinity staying over, Katya caught Candace alone, and then learned that she’d been struggling with her sexuality for a while. Growing up in a traditional family, the church, and her mother running off with a woman, Candace had turned into herself and was very confused and insecure. 

“Listen, baby. You know I’m a huge lesbian, I can’t do anything but support you for who you are. Your auntie is probably going to feel the same way, so that’s two people who have your back, ok?” Katya had said, leaning over Candace and stroking her hair while she cried into her pillow. 

“I don’t want them to hate me.”

“Honey… I can’t promise that it won’t be hard, but they’ll come around. I promise. They’re not bad people, they just have to get used to it.”

Katya wasn’t so sure about Patricia, but she knew Joe would eventually see that he was wrong. She secretly thought Joe’s acceptance of her and Trixie’s relationship had been a little too swift and easy, but she hadn’t shared this with Trixie, because he had been nothing but lovely to them, and there was no reason to ruin their co-parenting relationship. 

For the past two years, Katya had kept Candace’s secret like she requested. They talked a lot, hung out together if they could, but mostly texted. Candace was now in college, which had been a bit of a struggle because it was so hard for her to let go of Trixie. It took a lot of time for her to get used to it, but now that she was, she was blossoming. And she had a crush. A huge, fat crush on a girl in her dorm, and she was almost certain the girl was also a lesbian, and she was taking tiny steps to get a little closer to her. One of the bigger steps was to come out to her friends, the first one being her roommate. 

“I’m so proud of you, Candy girl. Now you have another person in your corner, that feels good, right?” Katya says, taking a last drag of her cigarette before throwing it in the flower-pot-turned-ashtray. 

They talk for a little bit longer, about how Candace smiled at her crush when they passed each other in the hallway, and the girl smiled back, and Candace learned that the girl is one year older than her and also studies English Literature. 

When Katya comes back into the living room, Trixie sits on the couch in sweats, her bare feet on the table, her hair wet from her shower. 

“I’ll have you know, she’s actually my daughter,” Trixie says in an exaggerated annoyed voice. 

“I know. She’s also my friend.”

Katya sticks out her tongue, and the crawls on the couch and against Trixie, slightly shivering with cold. 

“You are freezing, oh my God.”

Trixie wraps an arm around Katya’s shoulder and rubs up and down. 

Not half an hour later, Katya is gently snoring with her head in Trixie’s lap. Trixie is twisting a strand of Katya’s hair around her fingers while watching Master Chef with the sound off. She enjoys the quiet of the apartment, whenever there is any. She thinks about Candace and the special bond she’s formed with Katya. As a mother, it stings a little that her daughter seems to prefer to talk to someone else, but if she remembers her teens correctly, she was also drawn to older female role models that didn’t treat her like a child - and if there’s one thing parents do persistently, it’s to keep treating their growing teens like children. At the back of Trixie’s mind, a thought is tugging, a worry, something alarming that she doesn’t want to acknowledge. She leaves it there and decides to trust Katya’s judgement in not sharing what she and Candace talked about.


End file.
